The Joey Polanski Show

SUPPLEMENTAL POEMSKI

2010-07-13T21:32:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

"Supplemental Poemski" is

The title of the post

Closing the Polanski Show,

Where I have been the host

For five full years, in hopes that you

Might find it entertaining,

While against the standard blogging

SHIT I went campaigning.

*****

Those o' you who know me know

My work is hardly done.

Wherever there is POEMIN' and

Wherever there is FUN,

THERE I'll be in spirit, and

Might even be in FACT;

BUT, from this day forward,

The Polanski Show is JACKd.

FINAL POEMSKI: Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 7 from Atlas, and 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph. Skip th post and just read TH COMMENTS.
Th Wait: Here youll find 6 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Atlas, and 1 from one othr. Th post is calld Sit Tight.
Th Doc: Here youll find 9 poemskis from Polanski and 15 from Atlas. Th post is calld TRIBUTE -- Dr. Robert J. Murk.
Mo' PFOs: Here youll find 4 new poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas. Th new ones start HERE.
Your Homunckulette: Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 6 from Atlas. Th post is calld You and Your Homunckulette (a Exspurts Guide).
Laff Lines: Here youll find 2 poemski from Polanski and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld One Liner.
Past It: Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld Let's party like it's 1999.
Sambo: Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld Please Dont Confuse Em.
HOs: Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski and 16 from Atlas. Th post is calld meet market.

32 Polanski poemskis
54 Othr poemskis
86 Totl poemskis
9 Posts
3 Blogskis
- The Joey Polanski Show (5)
- Old Fish and Lemonade (2)
- Tetherd Cow Ahead (2)
4 Poemrs
- Joey Polanski (32)
- Atlas Cerise (52)
- Anaglyph (1)
- 1 othr (1)

PLUS, youll find 28 "fugitive poemskis" ovr at Joey's Hole.

-- Joe No Mo'

TRIBUTE -- Atlas Cerise

2010-07-13T18:20:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

And what is there to say, by way o payin SPECIAL TRIBUTE, about Atlas Cerise? I mean, once yall seen I was doin a stretch-run series o TRIBUTE postskis to close out th Show, did any o yas have ANY doubt as to WHO woud get the final honor in that series?

Each one o th bloggrs I done payd tribute to awready has a special place in JPS histry and a special place in my affecktion. Each IS special, and uniquely so. And surely th suprlatives were flyin when I payd tribute to th Revrend Anaglyph and Tetherd Cow Ahead. But rathr early on in my bloggin career, Atlas began to exibit a style o play -- head down, balls out, bull-in-a-china-shop, ballistick -- that is such a embodyment o th Polanski Show ideal that sompm happmd that Im guessin almost NEVR HAPPMS in th blogassfear. A TWO-MAN ACKT emerged. ATLAS + POLANSKI = ATLANSKI.

You long-time and CAREFUL readrs o th JPS probly know that The Polanski Show PROPR originatd in 1975 as a two-man ackt. It was me & my brothr, Piet. Piet Polanski. The Polanski Show WAS th Brothrs Polanski. And th oprative principple bhind The Polanski Show was what was latr adoptd as th original motto o The Joey Polanski Show here in th blogassfear. Anybody remembr what it was? Yep ... as long as it's funny!

A Brittish flossifr namd Bradley once suggestd that a dog's supreme metaphysickle principple is sompm like: "Whatevr IS smells; and whatevr smells not IS NOT." Similarly, th principple o The Polanski Show sorta DEFIND Polanski reality. If it's FUNNY, its werfwhile; and if it AINT funny, then WHY BOTHR? Ocourse, th principple was acktive long bfore me & Piet evr consciously idennifyd it; and our adherence to th principple (along wit th fackt that me & Piet shared th same sense o humor) prduced a fearless mixture o competition, coopration, and mutual admiration that made fer th appearance of a carefully honed ackt, evn tho it was, by our own insistence, almost wholly off-th-cuffski.

You long-time careful readrs also no doubt recall that The Joey Polanski Show was startd largely as a private joke that might somday be discoverd by Piet in his travels thru cybrspace. It was then quickly dvelopd inta sompm more -- sompm a bit more fer genral consumption, sompm intended to be interacktive. And, soon enough, along came Doc Murk. And then Tomski. And then th Revrend and th whole Tetherd Cow explosion -- Cissy Strutt, Anne Arkham, Mike, and Atlas (then known as JediMacFan).

And you especialy dedickatd readrs woud know also that, so far as I know, Piet has nevr chancd upon The Joey Polanski Show. I mean, if he has, then he has NOT let me KNOW that he has. And thus I can say, as I am on th verge o publishing th final JPS post, that thru th entire run o th Show there has been, to my knowledge, a unbreachd separation o th life o Polanski in cybrspace from th life o th Man Bhind th Curtain in th real world. No one I know in th real world has evr known about th JPS, and no one Ive met thru bloggin can idennify th MBC. Viewing things in th small, that princippld separation has hinderd th growfe o th Show, ocourse -- so prevalent is th conception of blogging as netwerking. But viewing things in th LARGE, it has payd invaluable dividends in th prsuit of TRUE PLAYRs.

But lets not make this TRIBUTE inta TOO much of a manifesto, kay? What Im wantin to point out here is that, while my blogski may not a-been found by Piet, it was nonetheless found by my brothr. Atlas Cerise is a Polanski Brothr. Nfackt, I have no doubt that if Piet were today to take up bloggin, th Blood-Brothrs Polanski woud not be as good and as satisfying a two-man ackt as Atlanski has come to be. And so, as I awready suggestd when I announcd my intention to end th JPS, a rich and rare creative collaboration like th one Ive establishd wif Atlas can continue, and probly shoud continue. What I can now add definitively is that this partickular collaboration WILL continue. Look for Atlanski to keep playin th gameski.

As Ive mentiond many times, Atlas (JediMacFan) was awready a reggalr comentr at Tetherd Cow when I stumbld upon it in late Novembr o 2005. Im pretty sure that as my relations wit th Revrend startd warmin upski, I made a point o lookin at th blogs o some o th othr fokes playin there. I remembr notin that Anne Arkhams blogski wudnt on Blogger, so I wudnt sure if Id be able to play there (cuz maybe Id be requird to leave a email address, which Joey dont DO). Im pretty sure I also lookd at JediMacFans Old Fish and Lemonade, which was on Blogger back thenski; but I didnt post no comments or nothin.

Then, fairly early on in my scoutin o Tetherd Cow, aftr Id prvided th first coment on a post about Simple Graphics Man, JediMacFan postd a coment that addressd me by name, and supplyd what seemd rathr clearly to be a kind o cooprative shtick! (You can see th exchange HERE.) Since thats EXACKLY th kind o thing I always lookd for in th blogassfear, I soon thereaftr left my first coment at Old Fish and Lemonade. ka-THUNKski! Fell totaly FLATski. Got no rsponse from th fuckr -- tho it WAS a dangd funny coment I left! Much latr, aftr wed awready bcome a TEAMski, I razzd Atlas about him givin me th cold shouldr when I first stoppd by OFaL. Youll notice, if you look at th postski¹, that Atlas's eventual rsponse came YEARS aftr th initial coment -- and, ocourse, him & me had plenny o funski wit th whole thing aftr that!

But evn my SECKON coment at OFaL -- where I servd up a jokeski originaly offrd by Doc Murk -- was ALSO ignord by AtlasMacFan! Th Revrend hadta come in and save th day wif a little bit o rsponsive shtick. (Didnt I tell ya th Revrend always "got it"?) It was beginnin to look like ol JediMac must notta realizd that I was th guy hed tryd shtickin wif ovr at th Cow. Eithr that, or he dvelopd a baaaaad case o th stodgys. In any case, it seemd clear Id misjudgd my man.

My third OFaL coment was also IGNORD. Then -- at LONG last! -- th fuckr rsponded to a coment o mine! And he rsponded wif shtick! Grantd, I pracktickly FORCD im to play; but I probly wouda deemd him a lost cause if he had a-faild THAT testski. Always one to play, I comentd a seckon time on th same postski -- and th end-rsult was a exchange that has come to be, in certain small circkles, a CLASSICK. It went on like this fer a while -- me somtimes being ignord, and othr times gettin some decent play. Then, on Christmas Day, th JPS got linkd in th OFaL sidebar.

JediMacFatlas startd playin th JPS stage when I publish a post that kinda sorta had sompm kinda sorta to say about kinda sorta maybe lusting aftr a cartoon high sckool chick. THATs what brought him ovr (predicktably enough). His refrence to anothr hot cartoon redhead promptd a refrence to his refrence in THIS postski, which was shortly aftr th JPS ended up linkd in th OFaL sidebar.

At this stage, I guess youd say me & Atlas had dvelopd a good bloggin relationship. We read each othrs blogskis, comentd on em, did a little shtick togethr, and saw reasn to keep on doin it. January 1, 2006 was probly when that relationship first startd bein special. You fokes know Im talkin about th Inaugural Rasputin Poemin gig at TCA. The Revrend publishd a post about Rasputins severd dickski, I postd a poemski, JediMac postd a poemski, JediMac postd anothr poemski, I postd anothr poemski, th Revrend threw up his hands in horror, I razzd him a bit, JediMac postd anothr poemski, Cissy postd a poemski, and it was pretty clear (evn suggestd by me) that this might be a annual January 1 thing at th Cow. Throughout 2006 (in April o which OFaL got linkd at JPS), Im pretty sure there was th ockasional refrence to th Rasputin thing -- usualy by JediMac or by me -- and I think evn some explicit refrence to a repeat event on January 1, 2007. And Im pretty sure there had been at least one similar raunchy poemin shoot-out ovr at TCA. So when 2007 began, JediMacFan postd a Rasputin poemski on the old 2006 post, while I waitd for th Revrend to publish a January 1 post, and postd a Rasputin poemski there. And thus began th seckon annual Rasputin Poemin gig.

Th result o this was not only that me & Atlas bgan seein ourselfs as birds-of-a-feathr, but also that othrs saw us as that. We were, in evryones eyes, th "culprits" in that little bit o "vandalism." We had a signature shtick, and we had our own friggin hollyday! And we had a commitment to keepin fokes in th hollyday mood ovr th course of a whole friggin yearski! Itd be years bfore th ackt got its name; but it quickly bcame pretty predicktable that Atlas poemin woud bring Polanski poemin, and Polanski poemin woud bring Atlas poemin. Othr fokes evn bgan posting coments suggesting that wed end up poemin about th subjeckt o some postski. Yep, fokes, a two-man ackt emergd, and emergd wif a rep!

Th next event in th emergence of Atlanski happmd in th early munts o 2008. Late in 2007, fer reasns that are Atlas's to tell, JediMacFan put Old Fish and Lemonade on ice and opmd up a new blogski calld The Minstry of Dystopia. This is when JediMacFan startd goin by th name 'Atlas Cerise'. During a napski I took in th early munts o 2008, a numbr o changes took place in th Polanski Show community -- none of em good. This was probly when a numbr o JPS playrs got corruptd and turnd inta boring-ass diary-bloggrs and netwerkrs. In othr words, things went to shit in my absence. When I awoke from my slumbr, Id found that among all othr th grotesque changes, The Ministry of Dystopia had been CLOSD!

Desprate situations call fer desprate measures, fokes; and so I took th measure o contackting Atlas (via th Revrend) and Atlas & me commencd a backchannel convrsation about th state o bloggin in our little community. It was hardly suprising that we agreed on so much. That backchannel chattr continues to th present day -- tho th Man Bhind th Curtain is STILL wholly bhind th curtain. Th backchannel chattr, howevr, servd to strengthen th partnrship, and enabld us to coordinate and craft our shtick in th blogassfear a bit more.

It was back in February o this year that I made th decision to end th JPS at th end of its fifth year. Shortly aftr I made that decision, and well before I announcd it here, I made a point o conveying th news to Atlas and th Revrend. Until th decision was announced, ocourse, I always had th option o rethinking th decision; but aftr th announcment was made, there was no turnin back.

Atlas & me continued to converse thru backchannels. And in th course o that conversation he said sompm like, "I hope we can continue th poemski game aftr th JPS is closd" -- by which he meant continue it via th backchannels. I had no intention o doin that -- hadnt evn thought o doin that, nfackt. I made clear my reasns fer wantin to bring th Show to a end -- I wantd to channel th creative energy that went inta th Show into othr, non-Polanski projeckts.

Still, as I thought about his prposal, I thought, "Yes. Th Atlanski poemski game DOES have a irreducible value; and there IS a energy that went inta it that CANNOT fruitfully be channeld inta anything elseski." But I also thought that, IF we were gonna continue it, evn if only fer our own amusement, we ought at least to ALLOW othrs to peek at our prformance.

And so, as Ive awready suggestd in this post and in othrs, Atlanski will still be doin its thing in cybrspace. We bofe know th game, we bofe know where th game plays, we bofe know who else GOTS game, and we bofe cherish prducktive partnrships. That you fokes have stayd wit th Polanski Show long enough to be readin this penultimate postski encourages me that youre th type that will fervently search fer smiles and will continually find em. Heres hopin at least some o them smiles come courtesy of Atlas and Polanski -- Atlanski!

¹ If yer wondrin about th DATE / TIME stamps, which make it look like my coment at OFaL was postd bfore Atlas's rsponse to me at TCA, remembr that TCA time (Eastrn Australier) is probly about 18 hours ahead o OFaL time (USA Eastrn Time).

Ah ... Genyus! Thy Name is G.E.!

2010-07-13T12:25:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

At a meeting in the forties Paul Tillich undertook to expound his views on the Absolute and "the ground of being." It happened that G.E. Moore was in the group that evening, and everyone looked forward with great interest to what Moore would say. When his time came, there was an ominous pause, and then Moore broke out, "I am sorry to say that there is not a single sentence in Professor Tillich's paper, not a single sentence, that I have been able to understand. Would Professor Tillich give me one proposition that he thinks I might be able to understand?" As I recall, Tillich was too dumbfounded to reply. It was the most direct confrontation I have known between German speculation and British analysis.
-- Brand Blanshard, "Autobiography"
The Philosophy of Brand Blanshard

Im pretty confident that MY philosophickle genyus will be reckonizd, once fokes realize how dangd much shit I cmpletely dont undrstand.

TRIBUTE -- Anaglyph

2010-07-13T00:50:00.004-05:00

Buddies,

I wondr ... Is there really any need fer me to write a post payin TRIBUTE to th Revrend Anaglyph and Tetherd Cow Ahead? Has he not awready been mentiond in just about evry TRIBUTE post Ive writtn thus far? More importntly, has any blogski been mentiond and / or linkd here at JPS more than his? Has any bloggr left a more discernible stamp on th bloggin here at th Show than he has?

No and NOski. The Joey Polanski Show has in effeckt incorporatd a overt & ongoing tribute to bofe bloggr and blogski since th links were first establishd back in early Decembr 2005. Th TCA link in th JPS sidebar was probly added below eight othr linkskis; but it has now fer years been unshakably atop th list. Indeedski, of th 30 or so sites that were evr at one time or anothr linkd here at th JPS (yes, fokes, there HAVE been about that many), Tetherd Cow Ahead is th only one that can boast BOFE original & engaging content AND a seemingly endless supply o enthusiasm & energy. Association wif TCA has been nothin short of a game-changr in Polanski Show histry; and I am so glad that that association began so early in my bloggin career.

But this final run o TRIBUTE postskis just woudnt be complete wifout one more focusd discussion o th part TCA and th Revrend have playd in Polanski Show histry and the place they bofe will always ockupy in my sappy Polack heart. So lets do it.

I know Ive come close to sayin it this bluntly in th pastski, but probly still aint realy gone ahead & done it yet. Tetherd Cow Ahead is th bestest blogski I evr playd at -- bar none. It blends th comedick wit th critickle, th sarcastick wit th sentimental. Its always original, prsonal, engaging, and inviting. And, as youd expeckt, its as much about th bloggr as it is about th blogski. Th Revrend woud still have a fine site and a popular one evn if he simply servd as th craftsman and nevr came out & mixd it up wif his comentrs. Th Revrend, however, has that sense o play that distinguishs th great from th merely good enough.

And I gotta add here that, so far as I can tell (not bein able litraly to get inside anyone elses headski), th Revrend is probly one o only two JPS playrs (th othr bein Tomski) who seem to have "got" th Polanski Show from th very first exposure to it. Oviously, th shtick aint evryones cup o teaski; but I been long convincd that many fokes coudnt stomach it eithr bcause they initialy coudnt sense that it was shtick or else bcause they coudnt evr undrstand th rationale bhind th shtick. Well, th Revrend seemd to sense th shtick AND undrstand, at least vaguely, what it was all about; and I think its probly werf considring th relation btween Polanski Show shtick and th significkant bond btween JPS and th Revrend.

See, fer those few o yous who dont know it, th Revrend is a exspurt in sound. He works as a sound designr & editr in filmskis. (Nfackt, th reasn hes missin a good bit o these TRIBUTEs is cuz hes wingin his way to Los Angeles to do his thing on some pitchr.) He is also a musickle composr and artist. So he has bofe a sense AND a know-how when it somes to sound.

Bloggin, howevr, is largely about th writtn word. So itd be very easy to conclude that theres very little about bloggin that has anything to do wif sound. Oh, sure, a bloggr coud embed one o them dopey little musick-playrs that starts playin some annoying bit a crapski th moment you visit th blogski, whethr you want it to or notski; but them things aint really part o th essence o bloggin. Rathr, theyre just ornamentardal doodads that a bloggr might use to covr up th fackt that he gots nothin werfwhile to write on his blogski. No. Th essence o blogging is writtn content.

But woudnt it be a mistake, fokes, to think that writtn content gots nothin to do wif soundski? Dangd straight, it woud! Writtn words are meant to be read; and readin words always conjures up to some dgree th sound o them words as spokn.

Now, woud it come as a suprise to yous if I toldjas that th secret to undrstanding The Joey Polanski Show is ALL about sound? Yep, when you read sompm in Polanskiese, I long ago told a comentr who seemd not to get th shtick at first, youre spposta be hearin a distincktive voice inside yer headski! If you aint th type who tends to associate th writtn word wif sound, then youll nevr appreciate eithr Polanskiese OR th POEMSKI game! Aint poetry, whethr writtn or recitd, ALL about soundski? Now are you hoopleheads startin to fuckin GET IT?

Th Revrend fuckin gets it! Th Revrend always fuckin gets it. Th Revrend fuckin got it from th fuckin git-go! And hows come Im talkin like Swedgin all of a suddn? Oh, yeah ... Cuz its ALL about th SOUNDski!

I found Tetherd Cow Ahead back when it was a Blogger blog. Its title came up on th rolling list that usta appear on th Blogger sign-in page. I noticd th Polanskiese spelling of 'tetherd', and I also thought that a blog title referring to a COW was oddly amusive. My first visit took me to THIS post, where I left my first TCA coment. I was happy to see that Anaglyph responded in a playful way. I was evn happyer when he postd his first coment at JPS. And it was just a few days latr that th Rev, replyin to a coment I left at th Cow, showd me that he GOT TH SHTICK. Lickety-splitski, I linkd him, he linkd me, and th rest, as they say, is HISTRY!

A early part o that histry involvd my lookin back at some o th earlyer posts at TCA and finding THIS post, which introducd facitiously th idea that Anaglyph was to be calld 'Reverend'. I thought that was great shtick, and so when I startd respondin to his coments at JPS, and when I intrduced him to JPS readrs, I included th title. And I did it rathr consistently, which Id venture to say is what eventualy resultd in just about EVRYONE addressin him as "Reverend."

A latr bit o that histry had th Revrend publishing THIS postski, about making a homunckulus. I dont need to tell yas that that led to lotsa good shtick here at th Polanski Show.

And ocourse there are so many othr running gags that have grown up among those o us who play reggalrly at th Cow -- (1) quack-echos, (2) the Unusual Thing, (3) Simple Graphics Man, (4) Sister Veronica, (5) Moo Medals, (6) Gilbert Einstein, (7) Red or Purple, (8) Sir Joey, (9) Pocket Jesus, (10) rottn turnips, (11) Joey's Shelf, and -- th most famous of all -- (12) Rasputin Dick Poetry!

And lastly Ill mention some o th most engaging and enjoyable little riffing opportunitys.

Cow Captions (Billy!)
Shepherd Captions
Crossboot Filmskis
Not-News Headlines (close to 475 coments, last I lookd)
Text Messages from Histry

When I announcd that Id be shuttin down th Show, I mentiond that I felt very strongly about maintaining th fruitful collaborative relationships Ive establishd wif othr bloggrs, and also that future collaborative projeckts wit them othr bloggrs was NOT ruld out by th ending o th Show. It shoud be pretty clear that I aint inclind to kick th Cow to th curbski. There's too much life, too much GAME there fer me to stay off that stage. Plus, ocourse, I feel I gotta keep shouldring my share o th responsibility fer creatin th annual Rasputin thingy. So, while there wont be a JPS stage fer us all to play on togethr, expeckt to see me now & again where th Tetherd Cow roams.

... where our motto is ...

2010-07-12T23:35:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

"Fokes wont blieve it aint neon!"

TRIBUTE -- Mike

2010-07-12T15:47:00.003-05:00

Buddies,

Now we get to th TRIBUTE posts that I awready knew woud be th hardest ones to write. Theres a sense in which The Joey Polanski Show has been craftd to be a ongoing tribute to the TRUE PRFORMER. And th final three bloggrs I wanna play tribute to are that & more to me. Links to their blogskis remain in th very short links-list in th JPS sidebar, and will be there when th JPS bcomes part o th blogassfears petrifyd forest. All three o these guys undoubtdly GET IT; and evry one ubms undeniably GOT IT.

Lets start wif Mike.

Its especialy hard to write a post payin tribute to Mike, bcause Mike has had two seprate careers as a Polanski Show playr -- one as th ownr o Gin & Tonic (long ago removd from cybrspace), and one as th ownr o Tongue In Check. Ya might evn say that hes had two & a haff such careers, since Tongue In Check, fer a time, was bein run ovr on WordPress. Heck, I sppose you coud evn say that Mikes had two & two haffs a career as a JPS associate, since he also runs Myth vs. Reality (along wif Pole-pal, Atlas Cerise), which is also linkd in th sidebar. Wif so many "firsts" & "lasts" to chronickle, maybe that aint th best kinda tribute post to writeski.

But certainly th story o my association wif Mike & his bloggin endeavrs is a story werf tellin. Ive said many times that it was thru my early association wit th Revrend Anaglyph and Tetherd Cow Ahead that I came to meet th vast majority o th bloggrs who woud eventualy come to be JPS associates. Ive also mentiond, tho probly less oftn, that th vast majority o THAT vast majority woud become JPS-afiliatd thru my association wif Mike. See, I met th Revrend in th course o my own blog-surfin. And through th Revrend I met Chickie (among othrs), and thru Chickie I met Mike. Thru Mike, I met Colonel Colonel, Sara Sue, Phoebe Fay, Here Today / Gone Tomorrow, Joseph, and maybe some othrs whove so long ago falln off th Polanski Show radar that I cant easily remembr em. Colonel Colonel, ocourse, was once a spiritd poemr, and Sara Sue was quite th hootski in her JPS days. So my association wif Mike helpd to keep my joint jumpin throughout them halcyon years, 2006 & 2007.

But, in retrospeckt, my relationship wif Mike seems sorta like one o them storys about two marryd people who share one o th greatest loves o all time -- cept, unfortunately, they aint marryd to each othr. Its th kinda story that leaves ya wondring what MIGHTA been, if only them two star-crossd lovrs had met each othr bfore they awready got tied down to them othr fokes.

Puttin it bluntly, there always seemd sompm genraly unhealfy, from a Polanski prspecktive, in th atmosphere at Mikes places. Th crowd that grew up around G&T and TIC seemd like anything but Polanski Show material. And nfackt, a few old Polanski Show playrs who eventualy establishd ties wif Mike shortly thereaftr stoppd bein very dependable in their formr capacity. In short, while The Joey Polanski Show is powerd by th idea that blogging is prformance, th prevailing idea among th run-o-th-mill "Tongue-In-Check-ers" seemd to portray bloggin as netwerkin. I not only woudnt, but couldnt fit in wit that crowd; and it was a bit disheartning to see some fokes who probly wouda baggd bloggin back in '05 but fer me rathr cheerfully transform emselfs from prformers into netwerkrs. (A pox on their friggin hausfraus!)

I mention all this bcause it makes it all th more significkant that I place on my creative partnrship wif Mike th high value that I do. Id suspecktd since early on, but have since come to know, that although Mike can certainly play (and play very well) to that othr kind o crowd, he was nevr wholly of that crowd. Im as convincd as I can be that Mike is, and always will be, a TRUE PLAYR.

Im pretty sure I knew of Mike bfore eithr o us evr startd visitin each othrs blogskis. But I cant remembr -- and Gin & Tonic aint around no more for PSI to consult -- which of us was th first to visit th othr. Were I to go wif my vague recollecktion, Id say that his first visit to JPS preceded my first visit to G&T. What I do recall quite clearly is how natural th playful exchanges tween Mike and me felt, bofe at JPS and at G&T. About a munth aftr Mikes first apearance on th Polanski Show stage, Gin & Tonic got a link in th JPS sidebar.

Its hard to believe that it was only about two munts latr that G&T disapeard. Twas hard to believe bcause I remembr havin so MUCH fun there. Nfackt, th few o us who remembr th G&T days will nevr ferget th post emphasizing what I guess wed call th European prnunciation of 'macaque' -- a post which spawnd a whole host o coments, on that and on subsequent posts, in which we ran that gag fer all it was werf. Th ockasional 'macaque' refrence has been made at Tongue In Check ovr th years, but theres almost been a kind o unspoken reckonition that that ol gag was best retird outta respeckt fer th legendary Gin & Tonic.

And just as it seems in my memry that G&T must have lastd beyond June of '06, so it also seems that Tongue In Check coud not have been startd THAT long ago. But as a mattr o fackt, TIC did begin only days aftr Id noticd th disapearance of Gin & Tonic.

I dont know how soon it was aftr this that I became aware of TIC, but I do remembr that once I discoverd it, I put Mike in th JPS doghouse. I now regret havin done that, and I here offr Mike my apology. At th time, I interpretd it all as one o them faux retirements -- baggin a establishd blog on sompm of a whimski, and then startin up a new one and tryin to reclaim all o th old readrs o th old blogski. And altho nothin was said about any o this, I kinda suspeckt that Mike caught my vibe, and he & I steerd clear o one anothr fer a while. Not too long aftr, I came to learn th story bhind th end o G&T and th start o TIC. It hadta do wif fokes Mike knows and hasta deal wif in th real world discoverin G&T, and some negative consequences o that discovery. As somone whos always takn pains to keep his real life from his bloggin life wholly separatd, I certainly undrstood Mikes move as well as anyone coud. My recollecktion is that our estrangment lastd quite a while; but about haff a year latr, in th first munth o 2007, TIC got linkd in th JPS sidebar. Mike was outta th doghouse, and th smiles resumd.

Well, as we all got a bit long in th toof, and TIC went thru its 17-munth WordPress phase, and places to play were eithr bein convertd to diary-blogs or surrenderd to Chinkbots, it bcame clear to me, and Im sure to some othrs, that them halcyon days belongd to th ages. Posting here at JPS slowd to a crawl, naps being almost as long and as frequent as they coud be wifout dstroying th continuity o th munthly arckive. Relations among some o us startd to seem, not exackly straind, but prhaps a bit loose. There was, on my part, a conscious retreat inta a kind o bloggin that was dliberately suitd to th tastes o th few who had, ovr th many years, stayd true to th same ideal as th one thats always powerd th Polanski Show. It was during this relatively dead period that I touchd base wif Mike, via backchannel chattr, about th state o bloggin and th state o our relationship. This chattr is what convincd me finaly that Mike was stand-up. We reach.

Yep, we reach. We reach, but we are OLD. Old & tired. Its gettin to be where Jackin off is all some o us evr think of anymore. I announcd th start o th Polanski Shows stretch-run just a bit bfore St. Paddys Day; and in a recent coment at JPS, Mike has made it more or less clear that he dont foresee a return to th glory days ovr at Tongue In Check. Its all sad, ocourse, to those o us who recall th middle years o th last haff-deckade; but its prhaps unavoidable. Still to be standing, and tryin to be true to th ideal, is itself a accomplishment -- especialy when contrastd wif all em who were GONE-zo aftr only a coupla yearskis, and all em fer whom "original content" (to use th expression o JPS heroine, Anne Arkham) means nothin but diary-ya. Aftr The Joey Polanski Show goes stiffski -- (It happms TMORRO, fokes!) -- I will continue to be intrestd in evn th little bit o bloggin that Mike expeckts to do in th future.

In closing, Id like to give a shout out to th Queen o Poland (Mrs Mike, who reportdly digs th Polanski Show), and to Carmen, and the Boy, and Jackie -- Mikes kin. I consider em all palskis, as I considr Mike th same. Th tribute, ocourse, continues, wit th preservd links to Tongue In Check and Myth vs. Reality in the sidebar; but lemme conclude this FOCAL piece o that TRIBUTE wif some linkskis to some fun times I had at TIC.

A First Poemski: It took a while fer me to get around to postin a poemski ovr at Mikes. HERE youll find th first.
Mike On a Plane: If theres a post Id idennify as th TIC countrpart o th 'Macaque' post ovr at G&T, itd be THISn. Ive made a point of linkin to it more than once since it was publishd.
Atmikelanski: More poemin got Mike into th Atlanski game in a BIG way.
Chillin Wif Friends: Poemin at Mikes began to feel quite natural.
Some Final Poemskis: Just bfore TIC returnd to Blogger from WordPress, I postd a couple more poemskis on THIS POSTski.

writ poemski

2010-07-12T10:06:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

In my previos postski -- my TRIBUTE to Anne Arkham -- I mentiond the official Polanski Show notebook. When I first got a digital camra a coupla years ago, I plannd to work up a postski thatd show ya some things backstage at th JPS -- includin th notebook. Well, I guess th thought o setting up a photoshoot of a bunch o inanimate objeckts sittin on a desk musta, like, bored th shit outta me, cuz I nevr got aroun to takin alla th pitchrs that I envisiond woud go inta that postski. And now that th end o th show is nigh, there just aint enough time to work th dangd thing up.

But I can post th notebook pitchr I plannd to incklude. It shows part o th page on which I wrote a Rasputin poemski durin RIPE III.

Clickski fer BIGski
This poemski was eventually postd as coment #33. You can see that I had th main punchline awready writtn bfore crafting th ovrall poemski. Twards th top o th pitchr, you can see part o th poemski that was eventually postd as coment #24. Th handwriting suggests I was pretty drunkski when I did th writing; but its hard fer me to remembr now -- which is a pretty sure sign that I probly was.

TRIBUTE -- Anne Arkham

2010-07-12T00:27:00.003-05:00

Buddies,

If Anne Arkham currrently has a blogski -- othr than THISn, I mean -- then I dont know about it. Her blogski from back in th day when she was a Polanski Show playr -- Anne Arkham: Art. Humor. Larceny. -- disappeared from cybrspace quite a while ago. Nfackt, Im pretty sure AAAHL went Full Nicholson only about eight munts aftr Annes first association wit The Joey Polanski Show. Thus, most o AAAHLs 18-munth run was awready in th arckives when we at th JPS first met Anne. Yet Anne Arkham is undeniably a figgr from th JPS heyday. Her blogski, dspite bein long gone, and her play on th JPS stage, tho long ago ended, I will long remembr strongly and fondly.

Since Annes blogski is no longr viewable, there wont be no pitchrs o Anne in this postski. Nstead, Ill use some pitchrs thatll sorta help to tell ya some o th things I remembr about Anneski.

Anne livd in Chicaaaago.

Anne probly slept in Chicaaaago too.

Sevral times in th past, I mentiond that Anne is among them whose JPS association can be traced to our meetin up wit th Revrend Anaglyph. Shortly aftr I intrducd a sidebar link to his blogski, Tetherd Cow Ahead, which link remains securely at th top o th evr-shrinking links-listski, th Revrend went & done sompm that very few JPS afiliates have evr done. He publishd a post givin th JPS a pretty fine send-up. Altho that post was publishd in early Decembr o 2005, it containd a link to a JPS post from about a munth and a haff earlyer; and so its on THAT post that we find Anne's first appearance on th Polanski Show stage.

Annes initial play at th Polanski Show was so uncommonly delightful that she quickly helpd prduce one o th few coments-secktions here at JPS that seemd to me so comedickly prfeckt that I atchualy closd th coments-sections to keep em from havin their prfecktion destroyd. Aint suprising, aftr so early an accomplishment, that Annes blogski got a sidebar linkski shortly thereaftr. And Anne prfecktd a JPS coments-secktion not just that one time, but also a seckon time some three munts latr. In th short time she playd wif us, she had a sneaky way o makin some BIG plays!

Anne had a polydactyl cat namd Butkus
(not pitchrd)

When Anne went walkin, her Bud was a sight to see
(neithr walkr nor pooch pitchrd)

Anne Arkham: Art. Humor. Larceny was started, as I recall, right around th same time as Doc Murk's Murk's World, Tomskis Party Vikings -- Tommy's True Tales, and (as it happms) th Revrends Tetherd Cow Ahead. That was in January o 2005 -- six or sevn munts bfore I startd bloggin. But I was so takn wif Annes wit that I done sompm that I only done wif one othr blog (i.e., Tomskis) -- I began readin its arckive from th beginning. And I gotta tell ya, fokes, this only increasd my admiration fer Anneski.

See, by th time I startd playin at Annes place, she was awready quite accomplishd as a bloggr. Her blogski had a enormous following (judgin by th numbr o reggalr comentrs), and her posts exibitd a characktristic zing. She had, some woud say, a distincktive "voice." What I learnd by readin Annes arckive is that good bloggrs aint necesarily born good bloggrs. And becomin a good bloggr might atchualy take a lil bit o thinkin and a good bit o doin.

Specifickly, I remembr a early post o Annes where she basickly said sompm like, "Now that I gots a blogski, Im gonna hafta look at a few blogskis and see what it is that othr fokes do wit theirs." And, aftr a bit o explorin & experimentin, she publishd a post (on May 4, 2005) calld "How To Blog," in which she shared her thoughts on what does & what does NOT make fer good bloggin. (This post, I believe, was among th posts that were quick-linkd in her sidebar, by th time I startd visiting.)

Throughout th five-year run o The Joey Polanski Show, Ive jottd Show-relatd stuff into a notebook -- ideas fer posts, web addresses, tecknickle info, etc. -- and while I was readin Annes arckive, I was, ocourse, takin noteskis. Thats how I know that "How To Blog" was publishd on May 4, 2005. I wrote it downski. And sompm Anne said in that postski -- one of her "DONTs" -- I thought was SPOT ON, especialy as it expressd sompm Ive believd about good bloggin from th time I startd. I wrote that down tooski. And so what follows, fokes, may be th only survivin verbatim bit o wisdom from Anne Arkham: Art. Humor. Larceny.

Don't be a link whore. Do put in some links to the things that interest you, but your original content is what will bring people back.
-- Anne Arkham
"How To Blog"
May 4, 2005

Surely th blogassfear woud be tons bettr if there was just one less link whore in our midst, dontcha agree?

Th notes I jottd down include titles o some othr posts Anne wrote -- like "Toads and Karma" and "How To Bribe a Judge" -- but I also remembr some posts wifout havin to consult my notebook. I remembr a post about stealing a Picasso from a office reception area, and a post about droppin doggy doo in a banks night-dposit boxski. Oh, yeah ... And Scripture Mints ... I remembr Scripture Mints.

But why do I always think of Anne whenevr th subjeckt o Linear Algebra comes upski? Hmmm ...

Since she stoppd updatin her blogski, and evn since her blogski disappeard from cybrspace, Anne has two or three timeskis stoppd by th Polanski Show -- sompm which has made me happy -- but Im pretty sure her last bit o reggalr play was her rathr frisky coment on THIS POST. As a rathr pleasant suprise, she postd a poemski to kick off RIPE IV; and my undrstanding, from readin Tetherd Cow, is that she stays in touch wit th Revrend. I also recall erstwhile JPS associate, Casey, passin on a bit o happy news about Anne. Twas nothin specifick, but to th genral effeckt that shes doin okay. Thats goodski.

And so, as I prepare to leave th Polanski Show stage, I take a figgrative glance tward Chicaaaago, and send a warm thought Annes way. Durin th short time she graced th same stage, she shone about as brightly as any o us evr does. Fare thee well, lass.

meet market

2010-07-11T13:00:00.003-05:00

Buddies,

Its hardly suprising, I guess, that wherevr you find HO NEGGERS ...

... youll be sure to find Layers.

-- Pimp Polanski

TRIBUTE -- Cissy Strutt

2010-07-10T22:35:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Having paid tribute to two of th earlyest Polanski Show playrs -- Doc Murk and Tomski -- I want next to pay tribute to some bloggrs who became very important playrs during what I think in retrospeckt can be idennifyd as th heyday o th JPS. Each o these has, in a special way, enhancd bofe th Show and my ovrall bloggin experience.

Lets start wif Cissy Strutt.

To my knowledge, Cissy Strutt nevr had a blogski until about a year and a haff aftr th Polanski Show was startd. Yet she was awready a familyar figgr to me when, aftr starting her first blogski, Ginger Stick, she first showd up on th JPS stage.¹ How was it that she was awready familyar? Well, ocourse, she is a real-world pal o th Revrend Anaglyph, and had been commenting at Tetherd Cow Ahead since a good five munts bfore I evr startd bloggin. Nfackt, a good year bfore she startd Ginger Stick, shed awready made a name fer herself by participatin in th first Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition (a.k.a. The Annual Rasputin Pickled Penis Poetry Contest).

As th poemski game was pretty well establishd by th time Ciss made her first JPS appearance (th seckon RIPE event havin just concluded), I was, ocourse, glad to see her start playin th Polanski Show stage reggalrly. About two munts latr², I made my first appearance at Ginger Stick, and my first appearance at Blue Flyer, Cissys book blogski. About three munts aftr Cissys JPS debut, I added seprate sidebar links to bofe Ginger Stick and Blue Flyer; but a coupla munts bfore that³, Id awready added a sidebar link to Cissys Blogger profile, as a kind o gateway to bofe blogskis.

Blue Flyer didnt last much more than a haff a year, and so that linkski came down a good while backski. But th link to Ginger Stick was one o th last ones to go in th gradual paring o th JPS links-listski. Thats bcause Ginger Stick, up until it went Full Nicholson this past January, was to my mind one o th few reliably fun places to play in th blogassfear. And if you wanna know WHY it was so reliably fun, I can say that it was far more about th bloggr than it was about th blog -- which is why Im paying tribute here to Cissy Strutt.

In th abstrackt, a photo blog aint th sorta place where I typickly like to do my thing. And that, ocourse, is cuz th typickle photo bloggr aint especialy receptive to shtick. If ya aint ooh-in and ahh-in ovr th photos, you aint welckome, usualy. But Cissy had that kind of wit that can handle subtle and sophisticatd humor as well as th ribald and th raunchy. She was funny and flirtatious, and dependable. She was alla th things that have tended to make th long-time Tetherd Cow reggalrs such good Polanski Show playrs.

And a good bit o th fun I had at Ginger Stick was, ocourse, poemin fun; and so, to chronickle some o them good times I had at Cissys, lemme jus direckt ya to Poemski: The Polanski Catalog -- especially Volumes III, IV, and V.

I dont know why Cissy seems to have revertd back to her earlyer years o bein more or less exclusively a Tetherd Cow playr. I miss her being in th poemin mix, here at JPS and elsewhere.

But it has been five years, and few o th old timrs are still bloggin hot. And, as evn th Polanski Show is in its final dayskis, now aint th time fer judgments & lamentations. Nows th time fer cherishing memrys. And I gots a whirl o memrys o Cissy Strutt that I truly cherish.

I wish her wellski.

¹ Cissys coment here shows up as Anonymous in spite o th fackt that she postd th coment usin her reggalr Blogger idennity. Th reasn th coment has been "anonymizd," near as I can tellski, is that this was right aroun th time that I was more or less forcd to switch ovr from Old Blogger to New Blogger. This switch seemd to anonymize some o th most recently postd coments.

² When Ciss first showd up at th JPS, I remaind fer a while undr th impression that she had no blogskis. Thats hows come it took me so long to pay her blogskis a visit.

³ Twas around th time I first learnd o her blogskis.

$1.00

2010-07-10T11:49:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

A buck buys a lot more than ya might thinkski.

TRIBUTE -- Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars!

2010-07-09T20:00:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Appropriately, th seckon bloggr I wanna pay tribute to, in this stretch-run o th Show, is th fella who bcame th seckon Polanski Show playr. That, ocourse, woud be Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars -- known affecktionately as "Tomski," here in Polanski circkles.

Like Doc Murk, th first o th Polanski Show playrs, Tomski started his blogski, Party Vikings -- Tommy's True Tales, ovr haff a year bfore th Polanski Show was startd; and, sadly, he long ago distancd imself from th Show, and his blogski is now pretty much fully Jackd. But Tomski will always ockupy -- in memry and in fackt -- a very special place in JPS histry.

Altho Doc Murk preceded im inta th troupe, Tomski was th first Polanski Show playr who seemd sorta like ... well ... sorta like kin. Doc Murk, when I found im, was awready thoroughly immersd in a sizable clan o real-world pals, many o whom had their own blogskis; and th Docs play on th JPS stage always seemd decidedly seckondary. By contrast, th real-world pals that were comenting on Tomskis blogski tended not to be bloggrs emselfs; and so Tomski seemd genuinely glad to find anothr bloggr to play wif.

Tomski quickly bcame a pal o th Pole -- more or less a JPS insidr. In effeckt, Tomski bcame sompm of a partnr in th very new projeckt o blog-building that Id takn up. As th troupe soon expanded to include a handful o playrs, it was always clear that Tomski was th first among equals. He was th best, th most natural, o th Polanski Show playrs.

In th Murk TRIBUTE and elsewhere, I sorta mentiond that my blog-building efferts have always been conditiond by a principple that if ya prduce a realy werfwhile blogski, any realy werfwhile bloggrs who find it will surely come by and play bcause thats what its in em to do. True playrs simply cant resist comin to play, if only they see you bringin a little game their way. Thus, snagging a true playr was nevr to be done by spamming, by coaxing, or by cajoling. Eschewin what Ive calld "cheap ottamaticks," my approach to blog-building was intentionaly made challenging -- and frustrating, as it turns out -- but it also servd as a most effective way to separate those who GET IT from those who DONT.

Aftr two munts o bloggin, and seein how evn th membrs o Doc Murks clan were wholly resistant to my subtle efferts to get some PLAY out of em, I hadnt high hopes fer a positive rsponse when th rolling list o blog-titles on Blogger's sign-in page led me to visit & post a coment at Party Vikings. I was ecstatick when my first coment at Tomskis place was promply followd by his first coment at mine.

Im convincd, howevr, that it was my seckon comment ovr there that truly establishd th Serafini - Polanski alliance. Our shared intrest in classick TV comedy and classick cinematick horror, and our shared love of PLAY, were th unmistakable signs of our birdsofafeatherishness.

Chef o th Future -- Hah-haaaaa!
It wudnt long bfore his blogski was linkd at mine, and mine at his.

Shortly thereaftr, I was inspird by this bond -- and by th reggalr and rollicking play that ensued at bofe JPS and Party Vikings -- to go back and read virtualy all o th posts Tomski had previosly publishd. This was quite a pleasant experience. I learnd quite a bit about my new bloggin buddy and his blogski, saw its evolution from what it had been to what it had bcome, and saw th emergence of a rathr talentd tale-tellr. Since I suspeckt few o you (if any) are familyer wif Tommy's True Tales, and since th Party Vikings arckive still exists intackt, lemme fill ya in on a some o what I learnd.

As th inaugral post indickates, Party Vikings was begun fer th purpose o chronickling th rise o Tom Serafini as a profesional acktr & comedian. And yet it is equaly clear from that same post that th blogski was also intended -- albeit only incidently -- as a vehickle fer showcasing th Serafini witski. It was not long at all bfore th seckon o these purposes became co-equal wit th first. While th 2nd, 3rd, & 4th posts all concernd a stand-up gig, th 5th post passd from a discussion o th gig to a unrelatd rant about fokes who spell like shit. (Crappy spellin is sompm Tomski woud come to love only latr.) Th 6th post, postd less than 10 days inta th existence o Party Vikings, saw th emergence o th classick Serafini style. The blogski was no longr merely a chronickle: it had become art.

Th 7th post, posted still bfore th blogski was 10 days old, set out to explain th meanin o th title, Party Vikings. "Party Vikings" is how a teenagd Tomski and his pals thought of emselfs: youths possessd of a dream, prepard to plundr & pillage and seize what is desired, by sheer powr o prsonality, force o will, and sense o destiny. We learn there that th true significkance o bein a Party Viking has always been relative to th prsonal quest o th individual. In genral, its all about takin th werld by storm. Fer Tomski in prtickular, back in em teenage years it had a little to do wif playin musick & followin film, and rathr a lot to do wif gettin his dick wet.

Adulthood found a more focusd & less predatory Party Viking, as Tomski was joind in his prfessional quest by his bettr haff, Tracy -- known alternatively as "Mrs. Viking," "Trace," "TheBrain," and "The Trage" ('Trage' bein th combination o 'T' + 'rage'). This pairing furthr illustrates th take-th-werld-by-storm flossifie o th Party Vikings, as Tomski clearly skippd marryin a ratbag & went straight fer th trophy-wife th firs time -- as if e friggin dservd it.

T-n-Tski
But in th life o Tom Serafini, th Trage has provd to be more than just eye-candy. She servd as Tomski's managr when Tomski assumd th style & title of Dicky Balls, and assaultd th stand-up comedy stage.

Dicky Balls, goin fer th GOLD
Totly gratuitous pitchr o Rupert Pupkin
Moreovr, th Trage is also quite th wit in her own right -- at least as long as she has Tomski aroun to do some realy dumb shit. And she evn helpd to strengthn th Serafini - Polanski alliance by posting coments here at th Polanski Show now and again.

But th point werf noting in alla this -- at least fer purposes o th present tribute -- is how early it was in Tomskis bloggin career that his blog began its transformation from a career-update vehickle to a forum for comedick crafting. That process probly began about two weeks in, but startd becomin evident aftr a coupla munts. And while there were a good numbr o career-orientd posts in th munts leadin up to th Tomski - Polanski collision -- like, fer instance, th series o posts dockumenting Tomskis prsuit of a gig as th Caped Crusader (starting here and ending, in tragicomedick fashion, here) -- it was also quite clear that th blog itself had by this time become one of Tomskis prformances.

As th exigencys o life began demanding more paying gigs, Tomski startd helpin out his pal, Johnny Style, in this or that new venture in renovation and / or installation. These episodes prvided th material fer some o th classick True Tommy Tales. As I devourd th Party Vikings arckive, I think it was what I like to call th WEGOTWATER post that stuck in my mind as th paradigmatick Serafini saga. And there were many more such sagas to come.

I dont know exackly why Tomski eventualy driftd away from th JPS community. Maybe its bcause th community became very large very fast and very soon after Tomski joind th troupe. HissyFitz and Little Noodle rounded out a nice little band; and fokes like Hobbs von Wackamole and Geritopia woud soon be added, wif AngryMan, Salbert, and C.Rag waitin in th wingskis. But when th JPS made contackt wit th Revrend Anaglyph and Tetherd Cow Ahead -- just about two munts aftr that little band was formd -- thats when th band o JPS playrs realy bcame sompm of a full-blown orckestra. Ultimately through my association wif TCA, I made th acquaintance of such eventual JPS playrs as Anne Arkham, Chickie, JediMacFan / Atlas Cerise, Cissy Strutt, Mike, Casey, Colonel Colonel, Phoebe Fay, Sara Sue, Sirdar, Here Today / Gone Tomorrow, and probly a few othrs Im fergettin. Prhaps this rapid expansion coud only result in a loss o intimacy, a partitioning o th troupe; and maybe sompm like a prceived loss o innocence somhow took a bit o th fun outta th ol gameski. But whatevr be th reasn for his leaving us, I've always missd Tomski and Trage, and the ovious spirit o fun they brought to th Polanski Show stage.

And so, as we are now less than a handful o days away from th dropping o th final curtain, I am happy to pay tribute to a wit and a wag aftr my own heartski -- Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars!

Tommy Triumphant

Please dont confuse em!

2010-07-08T23:58:00.003-05:00

Buddies,

Heres a pitchr o Sambo.
Heres anothr pitchr o Sambo.

You and Your Homunckulette (a Exspurts Guide)

2010-07-05T01:15:00.004-05:00

Buddies,

If you do not hold on to your homunckulette wif two hands ...

... a good stiff breeze through a open window may leave you wishin you had.

TRIBUTE -- Dr. Robert J. Murk

2010-07-03T18:31:00.004-05:00

Buddies,

July is here now, fokes, and that means therer just about two weeks left bfore th final curtain comes down here at The Joey Polanski Show. July 13th is th day fer THAT, for those o you thats ignerant.

One o th things I wannad to do bfore closin up shop is to pay tribute to certain bloggrs who have not only helpd to make my bloggin experience a fun one, but who have also enhancd th quality of th Show. Sadly, th list aint a long one; and o th few that I think are werf namin, only a very small fraction o thems is still ... well ... moderately limbr. Mind you, I pass no judgment on that score, fokes. Im virtualy positive that evry one o them was on th bloggin scene way back in 2005, th very year that th Show began. Nfackt, many ubm startd bloggin bfore I did; and I know it aint easy to keep th same blogski up & running fer five straight years -- unlessn yer blog is eithr one o them dime-a-dozn online diarys or a overt copy-n-paste jobski. Yeah. You long-timrs who are still playin th stage here know what Im sayin. We reach, yeah? Yeah.

Its most fitting that I begin this series o tributes wif a tip o th rug to good ol Dr. Robert J. Murk, who was th very first Polanski Show playr (and, fer a time, the only one).

When th Polanski Show was startd, I knew virtualy nothin about bloggin and th blogassfear. And, ocourse, it didnt mattr that I knew so little, cuz my aim was simply to entrtain myself. Yeah, th joke initialy was th idea o some guy who cant write fer shit writin blogposts about thoroughly mundane and silly shit, evr flirtin wif outright incoherence, but seemingly convincd that its all realy fuckin important shit -- that, and th idea that my brothr, Piet, might somday stumble upon th blogski, instantly reckonize th shtick (which was startd in quite a diffrent form as far back as 1975), and share th laffski.

So, yeah, I laffd uproariously at th early, almost incomprehensible shit postd here at th Show; and bcause I was posting at a pretty good clip in them days (effecktively blowin off steam while th Man Bhind th Curtain got othr cybr-projeckts off th groundski), it now seems in my memory that th Polanski Show was carryd on as this private joke for quite a good long while bfore I tryd to make it inta sompm more. In reality, howevr, th shift from private jokeski to interacktive projeckt happmd suprisingly early on -- within a week o th kickoff, atchualy. And, ocourse, thats pretty much when I hookd up wif Doc Murk.

Evn wifout any bloggin experience, I knew that th way to find readrs & playrs woud hafta involve comenting at othr fokes blogskis; and so I startd lookin fer blogskis to play at. I did this simply by clickin Blogger's NEXT BLOG buttn. Yep, fokes, I found Doc Murks blogski courtesy o th ol blog-randomizr.

I wish I coud link ya to th first coment I postd on Doc Murks blogski but -- alas! -- th Doc scrappd that blogski a good while back. I can link ya to th Docs first coment here at JPS. Yep, fokes, th Doc showd up on th Polanski Show stage only four days aftr th curtain went up. And since my arckive was so dangd skimpy back then, th Doc musta gone back and read my earlyer posts, cuz he done postd a coment a little latr on th seckon post I evr publishd (which was publishd on th same day th Show startd). And itd be sompm like two more munts and twenny more posts bfore th JPS woud see anothr playr join th troupeski. Till then, it was pretty much jus me & th Doc.

Doc Murks main blogski back in em days -- th one that I stumbld upon and first comentd at -- was calld Murk's World; and once I got around to learnin how to add linkskis in th sidebar, Murk's World had a link here at JPS. That was probly very early in August o 2005. At that time, or maybe slightly latr, I also added a link to anothr blogski th Doc was then runnin -- a blogski calld Murk On Sports. And it was shortly thereaftr, if not right at th same timeski, that th Doc launchd a website calld Hill TV. Th Doc bein my bloggin buddy, I rathr promply added a link to Hill TV in th JPS sidebar.

Now I aint sayin anything here that I aint awready said to Doc Murk hisself long ago, but I thought he was spreadin himself too thinski. And th Docs involvment wif sevral "multi-contributor" blogskis only made mattrs worse, in my opinion. Hill TV was largely a non-interacktive website -- not a place fer th kind o play I was especialy intrestd in promotin -- and, for whatevr reasn, dspite th participation o many and rathr extensive promotion (some of it right here at JPS), it ended up bein relatively short-livd. And em multi-contributor blogskis seemd to attrackt fokes who were, fer whatevr reason, more intrestd in th joinin up part than they were in th werfwhile bloggin part. I mention this bcause -- trufe be told -- I think itd be correckt to say that it was th whole issue o "spreadin it too thinski" that eventualy causd things tween me & Doc Murk to go souf. Havin politely dodgd or declind invitations to contribute to one o them multi-contributor blogskis, I finaly ended up declining a bit too pointdly. Things aint realy been th same tween th Doc & me evr sinceski.

But I come to praise Doc Murk, not to bury him. Well ... not any deepr than hes awready buryd, anyway. In keepin wif Polanski Show policy at th time, Murk's World, Murk On Sports, and Hill TV remaind atop th JPS links-list until, one aftr anothr, th sites were moffballd. And when th Doc came back wif Dr. Murk's Brave New World, it wudn't long bfore I added a link to it here -- such was th long & storyd histry tween me & th Doc. Sadly, that link didnt make th cut when, aftr a change in Polanski Show policy, I ended up nixing, in a few stages, all o th sidebar links except a precious few. And, as it happms, th Docs Brave New World has since been surrenderd to th Chinkbots anyhow.

But seriosly fokes, my aim here REALY IS to praise Doc Murk. Honest! So lemme get to it.

Murk's World was a blogski at which "Dr. Murk" woud help ya wif yer problems, if youd only email him. And, ocourse, Doc Murk wudnt known fer his "bedside mannr." So it was usualy th Doc tearin somone a new a-hole. I done toldjas all th story o my first encountr wit th Doc; but it bears repeatin here cuz, like I said, Im here to PRAISE th Doc. And I aint bullshittin when I say that that first encountr I had with im -- or, atchualy, th seckon encountr I had with im -- showd him to be th kinda bloggr Im always dangd glad to call a friend.

I honestly cant remembr what th post was about that I first comentd on -- or what, exackly, my comment on it was -- but whatevr it was, you can bet my coment was typd in old-sckool Polanskiese. That much I remembr, bcause I recall that th Docs reply was a single sentence that was, in effeckt, little more than a verbal eye-roll at th shtick.

Now this was a crucial moment, fokes. I hadta decide whethr & how to rspond to this early acknowledgment o Polanski in th blogassfear. I mean, I couda ignord im, or evn droppd a KJ on im, I sppose; but you fokes know by now that that aint realy been th Polanski style. What I done instead is, ocourse, PLAY ALONG! I expressd apreciation fer th Docs "tough love," th slap AND th tickle. And here was anothr crucial moment, fokes -- probly th MOST crucial o moments. Th Doc couda continued to seem discouraging of th play, or he couda shown unmistakably that HIS style was also to PLAY.

See, fokes, when strangrs meet fer th firs time in th blogassfear, eithr th encountr is so sappy-n-sweet that evrybodys imediately calmd (due to diabetick coma, I imagine) or else its sompm else and th typickle bloggr is instantly wondring, "Am I being dissd or fuckd wif here?" Theres this dfensiveness, this reluctance to play, cuz theres this need NEVR to seem like yer BEIN PLAYD. And I guess as th Polanski Show is now almost at a end, I can go ahead & rveal, at long last, that my careening thru th blogassfear ovr th last five yearskis has been largely a exercise in allowin othr bloggrs to SHOW ME their TRUE COLORS -- to show me what kindsa BLOGGRS they REALY are. Are they PLAYRS, or are they sompm LESS.

Well, fokes, what th last five years has taught me is that finding PLAYRS in th blogassfear is like finding a needle in a haystack full o haystacks. But things seemd so full o hope and potential back in July o 2005, when Doc Murk passd th test wif FLYIN COLORS! When th Doc saw me play along wif his curt & ambiguous reply to my very first coment, he rsponded wif some verbal backslappin -- we reckonizd ourselfs as birds of a feathr, and thus startd sorta flockin togethr.

What earns Doc Murk th greatest admiration from me is his dcision to do sompm that it seems very few bloggrs are willing to do -- he dcided to blog in characktr. Or maybe itd be bettr to say he dcided to commit to doin SHTICK in th blogassfear. What I mean is this: He dcided, not only to blog in characktr, but to allow it to be EVIDENT that he was bloggin in characktr. Raise yer hans, if ya think "Dr. Robert J. Murk" aint a inventd prsona. Raise yer hans, if ya cant NAME th man bhind th characktr. Th Doc imself outd th man bhind th characktr -- albeit in a very subtle & indireckt way! That impish fella WANTS you to know that hes doin shtick! And if any o yous got no idea who th man bhind th Murk IS, then I aint a-gonna tell ya. Hes my bro -- THATs who he is! (No. I dont mean Piet, or any othr blood-kin o mine. Hes my BRO in th sense that hes playin MY KINDA GAME in th blogassfear.)

Evn more admirable is th fackt that Doc Murk is doin what might be calld "prick shtick." Lets face it: Doc Murk is a first-class prickski. I mean ... Who woud want Doc Murk as a nex door naybr? His shtick is to come off like a prick! Do any o yous realize how GUTSY that is, in a blogassfear chokin to deaff wif bored hausfraus who are jus lookin fer bloggrs to "ooh" and "ahh" ovr pitchrs o their gardens or to "coo" ovr pitchrs o their monky-babys? Can you imagine th Doc Murk of 2005 ooh-ing, ahh-ing, or cooing? Nah. Me neithr. So do like me and reckonize th rarity of, and give a SALUTE to, a guy who was willin to do prick-shtick in a blogassfear fraught wif lame-oids who cant tell prick-shtick from atchually bein a prick.

Doc Murk has been a near-totl failure in th blogassfear. Murk's World is irretrievable, preservd only in memory. And th memory is confind only to a very few, and in them it is evr-fading. Dr. Murk's Brave New World was nevr as fine a thing and, as I awready mentiond, its now fully Jackd (as is evry one o them old multi-contributor blogskis that th Doc allowd imself to get caught up in). But th Doc has not stoppd bloggin. Hes simply retreatd back into his old clan o real-world palskis, and is aparently content to limit his bloggin acktivity to that small circle, eschewin th rough & tumble that was th hallmark o The Joey Polanski Show in its heyday.

And if any o you num-nut fuckrs are thinkin that Ive now stoppd PRAISIN th Doc and am now DISSIN im, then think afuckinGAIN. Yeah, I said that Doc Murk has been a failure in th blogassfear. Lemme now add that so has Joey Polanski. We are BOFE failures. We bofe bear th same black marks. We bofe, aftr playin th game a while as we knew it shoud be playd, allowd ourselfs to be compromisd, attemptin fer a time to catr to th bored hausfrau types. And we bofe, upon comin to recoil from such shameful compromise, have been forcd to reckonize that there simply IS no genral blogassfearick audience fer th kindsa shtick we do. Our rspecktive ackts will only "play" bfore those who do NOT need periodick assurance that th overt intention to irk or offend is a conscious means to th ultimate end of ENTRTAINING THEM!

Th ovrwhelming majority o bloggrs simply dont get it. Th blogassfear-at-large just aint ready fer our kindsa shtick. And, wit th evr-increasing popularity o "netwerking" sites like MySpace, Facebook, & Twitter -- which only augment th awready-excessive presence o th bored-hausfrau-types in th blogassfear -- I think its a safe bet that Murk-shtick and Polanski-shtick will nevr play in th blogassfear-at-large. So why not confine a specializd shtick to a specializd audience, right? Rightski. And so, if theres to be a post-JPS Polanski presence in th blogassfear -- as I suggestd there very well might be, back when I first announcd th intention to end th JPS -- then expeckt it likewise to be rootd in a tacit acknowledgment that th blogassfear-at-large is th creative-collaborative wasteland that it is.

At th end o th day, tho, my only real criticism o Doc Murk is that he seems nevr to have realizd in all these years that his one true bloggin-bro has been ME. Th Polanski Show has provd to be th ONLY place where he coud do his ackt WIFOUT eithr havin th blessin that comes ottamatickly wif real-world kinship or else havin rpeatedly to assure his audience that hes only doin shtick. Th Polanski Show stage was MADE fer Doc Murk and his ilk; but, fer whatevr reasn, th Doc shyd away more oftn than he playd. Thats a shame, I thinkski.

But I am happy now to pay this tribute to th first o my bloggin buddies, Doc Murk. I continue to think o him as a prsonifickation of a ideal that is all too seldom exemplifyd in th blogassfearick desert. What couda been, I think, wouda been SPECKTACKULAR.

Poemski: Th Polanski Catalog (Volume VII) TH FINAL EDITION

2010-06-21T00:01:00.007-05:00

Buddies,

As th final curtain at The Joey Polanski Show is set to come down well bfore th Wintr Solstice, this is gonna hafta be th final reggalr edition o Poemski: Th Polanski Catalog. Surely, tho, therell be some Polanski poemin acktivity goin on in th three weeks o Show-time that remain; and so I suspeckt therell be some kinda Supplemental Poemski fer th sake o completin th Catalog. And I imagine th final post at th Polanski Show will become the final repository o JPS-era poemin from yer favorite poemin Polack.

So here it is, fokes: FINAL POEMSKI -- th Cookies & Candies Edition!

Once again, th graphick comes from Atlas. Thanks, fella.
Since as far back as first bit o Rasputin poemin ovr at Tetherd Cow Ahead -- right at th start o 2006, and thus less than six munts inta th Show's five-year run -- its been clear that a main driving force in th poemski game was gonna be a kind o intrplay btween Atlas Cerise (known back in th day as "JediMacFan") and me. Othrs have playd th game ockasionaly. A few have evn been known to play it reliably. And, ocourse, some have playd it brillyantly. But now that years have passd and bloggin energy has dwindld, many of th once-reliable poemrs entr th fray only very rarely anymore, and (fer all I can tell) may have awready packd it in, poemski-wise. Thus, as is prhaps fitting, theyve left th poemin domain to be reignd o'er uncontestd by Atlanski -- th Bennifer / Brangelina / TomKat amalgam of Atlas & Polanski (only not as totaly gay as that probly sounds).

In th abstrackt, I sppose thats a shameski. Since th earlyest days o th Polanski Show, th aim has been to blend comedy, creativity, and cameraderie in exackly th way that they invariably are whenevr th poemski game is playd; and th aim is attaind most prfeckly when many fokes are playin it on th same field. But in th concrete, ocourse, I reckonize that poemski aint evryones cup o teaski. And -- trust me -- Atlanski is more than equal to th task when evryone else is ridin th pines. Though non-Atlanski numbrs are down slightly, overall Poemski numbrs are UPski! So this, along prhaps wif Supplemental Poemski, will likly be th closest thing JPS readrs will see to a PURE ATLANSKI edition o Poemski: The Polanski Catalog.

So lets get to it, then.

Christmas Chunks: As Christmas approachd, Atlas publishd a postski about a Chinese docktr cleanin a cats littr boxski. This led to a quick poemin exchange tween me and him, largely refrencing some quasi-inside jokes him & me like to tell. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld Happy Holidaze.
Previously ... on Poemski: In keepin wit tradition, th coments-secktion o Poemski VI brought in some entrys fer th subsequent volume. Here we seen th term 'Mentards' intrducd inta th lexicon, and this, ocourse, set off a poemin explosion from Atlas. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 1 from Nurse Myra, 7 from Atlas, and 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph. Skip th post and jus read TH COMMENTS.
PFOs: And it wudnt long aftr th publickation o Poemski VI that new entrys startd comin in on the always-opn "Poems For Occasions" post ovr at Old Fish and Lemonade. In fackt, evn tho its bcome (predicktably) an Atlanski game ovr there, th numbr o PFOs postd btween Poemski VI and Poemski VII is pretty much double th numbr o PFOs postd btween Poemski V and Poemski VI, and is well more than haff o th whopping 63 that were postd prior to Poemski V. Here youll find 21 poemskis from Polanski (includin a string o 10 conseckutive), 15 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from one "othr." Read em HERE.
RIPE 5: No tellin why, realy, but th Rasputin event this year was calld to a close a whole day, or maybe two whole days, soonr than wouda been expecktd, basd on th previos two events. Efferts to get th word out payd dividends, tho, as we saw 14 participants on th field -- some whod nevr bfore (and probly havent since) visitd Tetherd Cow Ahead. There remain three poemrs who have playd at all five events -- Atlas Cerise (formrly JediMacFan), Cissy Strutt, and (to be sure) your favorite Polack. And, ocourse, th Revrend, who didnt start playin wif us until RIPE III, is still a 5-event vet, since his blogskis th place where th events have always takn place. In spite o th brief duration o this years eventski, and maybe evn wifout all th newbies, I think there were still top caliber laffs to be had -- and not always and exclusively due to th poemin. But as to th poemin, here youll find 19 poemskis from Polanski, 23 from Atlas, 8 from th Revrend, 2 from Cissy Strutt, and 19 from 10 othrs. Th post is calld Psychic Pickle.
We Are ALL Failures: Like Apollo 13, RIPE V was one o them "successful failures." That inspird a post from Atlas. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Thanks for nothing, Joey.
More Tits: Dont know if it was my now-famous, oft-imitatd "Please Dont Confuse Em" shtick or th association of maffmaticks wif mammarys that was th crucial facktor here, but sompm in this post inspird a little poemin. Ocourse, since th poemin was from Atlanski, its unlikly that any special inspiration was evn needed. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld, ocourse, Please Dont Confuse Em!
Bird Brains: No volume o Poemski woud be complete wifout linkin to at least one postski where I poemd alone. A ways into the commenting on a post th Revrend wrote about cigarettes made outta vulture-brains, I tossd in a limerick that earnd me ten outta ten from th Revrend -- but, sadly, no Moo Medal. Go check out my limerick anyhow. Th post is calld Smoke 'em If You Got 'em.
Get a Little God: Anothr one o th fun games we play ovr at th Revrends is writin new captions in th word-balloon in some pitchr the Revrends postd. In th midst of it this time, I tossd in a poemski. No one joind in. So here we gots anothr place where I poemd aloneski. Th post is calld The Adventures of Pocket Jesus.
Fish Tail: I didnt bothr to go back and lookski, but this volume o Poemski may be th one that contains th most JPS posts that containd poemskis in th posts emselfs (as opposd to containin poemskis only in th coments-secktions). Th first ubm here was one containing a poemski about a nekkid fishin chick. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph. Th post is calld poetus interruptus.
Blue Bull: My poemin ovr at th Cow may not a-won me a Moo Medal, but it got me a knighthood from King Willy who is, like, th king o sompm or othr. These poemskis were about a pitchr th Rev postd that featurd a chick and a blue bull. This is a rare instance where I poemd alone and poemd more than onceski. Here youll find 4 poemskis by Polanski. Th post is calld Blue Movie.
2012ski: Are U.S. Americans ready fer anothr Polanski run fer th White House in a coupla more yearskis? Well, they may not have a choice. Me neithr, it seems. Atlas is awready sprayin seed evrywhere. And why not write poemskis about that? Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld Not the Change I Wanted.
Men on Men: Here's anothr postski containing its own Polanski poemski. This ones about Mixd Martial Arts, and how fuckin gay it is. Here youll find 7 poemskis from Polanski, 6 from Atlas, 1 from th Revrend, 1 from Colonel Colonel, and 1 from NurseMyra. Th post is calld MMA.
Cups o Joe: Well, evn tho winnin that Moo Medal has been tough fer me, I have managd to win a numbr o prizes ovr at Tetherd Cow. But since th Man Bhind th Curtain STAYS bhind th curtain, I always gotta turn down em prizes (bcause theyre, like, REAL prizes that hafta be MAILD, and not just some doodad to download and stick in yer friggin sidebar). So I gotta have th Revrend hold all my prizes. He publishd a postski intrducing th shelf where my Cowmendations will be kept. Here youll find 6 poemski from Polanski, 4 from Atlas, and 1 from th Revrend. Th post is calld Shelf Life.
Foxes: More from my "Please Dont Confuse Em" line ... This ones about foxes. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from NurseMyra. Guess what th post is calld. Please dont confuse em!
Final Fo': When I announcd back in March that I woud be ending th Polanski Show in mid-July, I wudnt expecktin that to take so much wind outta my sails, motivation-wise. But wifout a doubt, it didski. So my announcment postski remaind front & centr fer about six weekskis. This, ocourse, like any othr post kickin off a Polanski napski, promptd Atlas to try to rouse me by bombardin th post wif poemskis. As I just implyd, it wudnt my intention to publish that post and then take a lengthy nap -- I was, in fackt, suprisd that I felt so little motivation to play out th remaining four munts o th Show. (I guess my mind turnd more or less instantly to th kindsa projeckts I envisiond might be takn up once th JPS is laid to rest.) So, shortly aftr th post was publishd, and bfore I realizd that I was fallin inta a deep deep sleep, I tossd in a poemski. Thats how come th post gets linkd in this volume o Poemski. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 11 from Atlas, and 1 from Queenwilly. Th post is calld Fo' mo' mo. o' Joe Show.
Squirt Exspurt: Th length o th nap followin my retirment-announcment had me in dangr o goin a whole calendr-munth wifout publishin a new post at JPS. That aint nevr happmd since th show first startd back in July 2005. Nfackt, so far there aint been a munth where there aint been at least two posts publishd here. (A year or two ago, I was forcd by circumstances beyond my control -- I got hit, during a long napski, by Blogger's improper locking of random blogskis until th blog-ownrs "provd" their blogs wernt spam-blogs -- to go a munth wifout publishing at least 3 posts.) Ocourse, keepin a monthly arckive is kinda important to me, and I didnt wanna have a 1-post munth eithr; so on th last day o April, I publishd two postskis. One ubm was a homunckulus post. This bein a topick popular wif evryone cept AngryMan, poemskis followd. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Atlas, and 1 from our Poemski VII covergirl, "Mrs. Landingham". Th post is calld You and Your Homunckulus (a Exspurts Guide).
Homo Rekers: Back ovr at Old Fish and Lemonade, Atlas postd a limerick about Bible-thumpr, George Rekers, gettin caught goin on vacation wif his very own rent-a-fag. This touchd off a good ol-fashiond Atlanski shoot-out. Here youll find 8 poemskis from Polanski and 8 from Atlas -- limericks all. Th post is calld Free Mustache Rides.
In th Beginning: Heres sompm intresting. Atlas, unbeknownst to evryone cept me, dcided to post a poemski alla way back on th very first post published here at th Polanski Show. I responded wif a poemski o my ownski. This bit o poemin woud inspire some poemin a few days latr at Atlas's Old Fish and Lemonade. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld reality shows blows.
Swedgin: A few days latr at Old Fish, a quick Deadwood-inspird poetick twirl from Atlanski. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld Cokesuckers.
Flattrd: I poemd alone on th Revrends post about Flattr, a experimental systm fer givin & receivin monetary donations fer werk publishd on th Innrnetski. Th post is calld Innovation is Sincerest Form of Flattry.
Whered th gif Go?: Th Revrends post about a dubious teef-whitening gadget that pipes musick inta yer earskis while shinin a blue light inta yer moufski promptd not just some poemskis, but also a mirthful animatd gif from Atlas that mysteriosly disappeard. Ah, well ... Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Atlas, and 1 from one othr. Th post is calld Bluetooth.
My Rack, My Sack: Ockasionaly, I post poemskis at th blogskis o prfeckt strangrs. I do this in th hopes that they might be curious enough to follow my name-link back to th Polanski Show and find it werfwhile to play th stage. Wifout exception, its been like sending invitations to a cemetery -- evn when th bloggrs are in th habit o postin poemskis their own dangd selfskis. It has always been th Poemski policy NOT to link to blogskis that aint run by Polanski Show playrs; so them "fugitive" poemskis will probly go unlinkd -- tho I might, bfore th Show ends, publish a post containin th poemskis emselfs. Nfackt, on a coupla ockasions, I made a point o postin versions o "fugitive" Polanski poemskis here at th Show, eithr cuz they seemd somehow "fitting" or cuz I felt th poemski was jus too good to leave hiddn. One such poemski was a poemski about my bedski. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Atlas, and 1 from th Revrend. Th post is calld My Bedski.
I Stab at Thee: A while back, me & Atlas dcided we'd post some poemskis at th Revrends gag-blogski, Hello From Hell. We did our usual thing until th Revrend joind in th funski and wrote one heckuva cool poemski. I thought Id see if I coud rouse th Devil again, but I ended up poemin alone. Here youll find, aftr the old six poemskis from bfore, 1 more poemski from Polanski. Th post is calld Hello from Hell.
Stanislas Cup: I think hockey is boring. So ocourse I hadta publish a post about th Chicago Blackhawks winnin th Stanley Cup. Poemin ensued. Here youll find 5 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Atlas, 7 from "Mrs. Landingham", 1 from "The Phantom", and 1 from "BLAM". Th post is calld Give a little bit!
Awesome: Atlas wrote a limerick about bein awesome. That being my area o exspurtease, I hadta join in. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski (includin one undr a nom-d-ploome) and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld King of the Pushups.
Th Son o Manna: Typickly, of late, th Revrends posts featuring Pocket Jesus lead to submission of alternative captiond photos. This time, howevr, I decided to try some poemin. Th Revrend joined in. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from th Revrend. Th post is calld The Adventures of Pocket Jesus.

Okay. Lets round em upski.

98 Polanski poemskis
142 Othr poemskis
239 Totl poemskis
26 Posts
4 Blogskis
- The Joey Polanski Show (10)
- Tetherd Cow Ahead (8)
- Old Fish and Lemonade (7)
- Hello From Hell (1)
22 Poemrs
- Joey Polanski (98)
- Atlas Cerise (89)
- Anaglyph (15)
- "Mrs. Landingham" (8)
- Nurse Myra (3)
- Cissy Strutt (2)
- Colonel Colonel (1)
- Queenwilly (1)
- "The Phantom" (1)
- "BLAM" (1)
- 12 othrs (21)

Give a little bit!

2010-06-10T18:17:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Hey, lets give it up fer th Chicago Blackhawks! They just won th Stanley Cup -- th highest prize in all o professional hockey!

Standard donation-levls range from a rats ass to a flying fuck.

Those o yous on a budget can limit yerselfs to haff a shit.

-- Puck Polanski

fuck hue two

2010-05-29T15:48:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Oh, I am SUCH a dangd trouble-makr!

QUESTION: Which color-term is best applyd to th fella in th photo? (Seleckt one.)
Black
White
Red
Purple

BONUS QUESTION: How woud you dscribe th color Crimson? (Seleckt one.)
It's a shade of red.
It's a bluish shade of red.
It's a purply shade of red.
It's evry gosh-darnd one o th aboveski.

SPECIAL DOUBLE-BONUS QUESTION: By whom and of whom woud you expeckt it to be said, "If I say 'black', he says 'white'."? (Seleckt one.)
By Atlas, of th Revrend
By th Revrend, of Atlas
By Bele, of Lokai
By Lokai, of Bele
Take yer friggin pickski.

My Bedski

2010-05-22T00:00:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Th headboard holds a reading lamp.

Th nightstand holds a clock.

Th mattress holds my weary bones.

Th pillow holds my block.

-----

Th box-spring holds th mattress but,

What I woud like to know,

Is where in holy friggin hell,

Did that dangd Playboy go?

-- Pajama Polanski

Thanks, Capm Ovious.

2010-05-21T00:17:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Drop yer chalks & grab yer stalks!

You and Your Homunckulus (a Exspurts Guide)

2010-04-30T23:33:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

CONVERSIN WIF YER HOMUNCKULUS

DO be sure to stand tall, when conversin wif yer homunckulus. By towerin ovr yer homunckulus -- as demonstratd by our model, Gonhadi, in th photo above -- you remind him who is th creator and who is th homunckulus. Moreovr, this will likly cause yer homunckulus to stand wif his head tiltd severely back -- as demonstratd by th little bastrd in th photo above -- sos to attend to what yer tellin im. This qualifys as a stress-position fer th homunckulus, which serves to enhance docility. If yer homunckulus is eithr too willful or insufficiently attentive to remain in th stress-position, then you can prevent significkant injury to yerself by investing in or improvising a simple set o shin-guards.

DONT yield to th temptation to lowr yerself to homunckulus-levl. Such studys as have been done suggest that th avrage homunckulus possesses kickin-powr commensurate wit th distance from yer nutsack to yer froat.

(Rest in peace, Gonhadi.)

brickskis

2010-04-30T16:00:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

I seen this a while back, when I was out ridin my bikeski:

Its a statue payin tribute, fer whatevr reasn, to Germans from Russia.

Now, ignorin fer th moment th fackt that what weere talkin about here gots nothin t do wit Germans -- since fokes from Russia are, like, Russians evn tho they might be of ... yknow ... German descent -- what we gots here, aparently, is a sculptd German from Russia pioneer famly. Lets take a closr look -- shall we?

See? Whatd I tell ya? Russian. Thats Josef Stalin, ainit?

Yep. Looks like it t me. Anyhowski, ol Country Joe Stalin gots imself a coupla kidskis, looks like. Coupla sonskis, I think. And a pooch. Or a small bear, maybe.

Th missus ...

... she gots th little girls, aparently. And probly a starting spot at linebackr.

But th fokes dpicktd in th statue aint exackly what I was wantin to point out to yas. Yall mighta awready noticd what I was wantin t point out, ifn yas clickd any o them statue pitchrs and lookd carefuly at whats in th background. Th whole dangd memorial here is set on a platform o brickskis. And each one o th brickskis is inscribd accordin to th wishs o some fokes who musta, like, donatd money to put up this Russian erecktion -- or at least th bricky parts of it, I guessski.

And whaddya sppose em fokes wannad writ on their brickskis? What woud yous wanna have writ on some brickski fer which yous were rsponsible? Yer nameskis? What, like yer sayin, "Hey, this fuckin brickski is MY fuckin brickski"? Yeah, okay ... fair enoughski. Plenny o them German Russian erecktion supportrs wannad their names on their brickskis too.

But its especialy intresting to see what else fokes might want writ on their own prsonal brickskis. Some fokes, fer instance, might want their brickski to commemorate th life o some dparted lovd one ...

... maybe wit their own favorit passage from th Holy Bible thrown in fer good measure ...

Some fokes might want ya t know exackly where they hail from ...

... while othrs might be happy to leave ya to fuckin guess ...

Some fokes might want ya to know th high rank they attaind in th fuckin army, prhaps outta embarassment they they gots, like, a girly name ...

... while othrs might try to stave off any charge o girlyness a bit less subtly ...

Some may wish to show off their linguistick prowess ...

... while othrs might humbly confess and lament their lack thereof ...

... or prhaps offr some more prsonal confession ...

Nfackt, I dont sppose it especialy mattrs what you inscribe on yer prsonal brickski. You coud, I imagine, have inscribd a prvisional message, wif a eye tward changin it latr ...

Aftr all, it aint like this shit is ... yknow ... chisld in STONE or anything, rightski?

So its entirly up t YOUski! Bible verse, home town, army rank, embarasing masturbatory pracktice, or some sin to be namd latr -- it dont realy mattr. Whatevr yer prsonal brickski-inscription, you jus wanna make sure that sompm of you will be left bhind, long aftr youve dparted.

Fo' mo' mo. o' Joe Show

2010-03-13T23:20:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Here and there and from time to time, ovr th near-five-years I been bloggin, Ive mentiond th topick of retirement -- bringin down th final curtain at The Joey Polanski Show. Fer th longest time, my vision was that a projeckt like th Polanski Show ought, at some appropriate time, to be brought to a end willfully -- that th Shows run in th blogassfear shoud be determind by dcision rathr than by ... yknow ... death, disability, or disintrest. One o my earlyest mentions o this topick was interpretd by some to mean that I had a specifick date in mind, and that in fackt th end was nigh. Subsequently, therefore, I tryd to make it crystl-clear that such mentions were meant more as expressions of a ideal than as expressions of a definite intent.

Such efforts to be clear, ocourse, can seem to imply a kind o open-endedness -- th idea that th Show will go on indefinitely, ending only when insurmountable, unavoidable, and unforseeable facktors make it impossible for it to continue. Ocourse, these two ideals are incompatible; and I nevr held em bofe at th same time. My efforts to deny a definite retirement plan, as I said, only seem to involve embrace o that open-endedness ideal.

But I dont wanna mislead anyone here. As th years went by, and Id publish reflecktive posts on or around my bloggin birfdays, I admit that I felt more and more th "pull" o that ideal that says "Die wif yer boots on," "Be carryd off on yer shield" -- in othr words, "Keep bloggin till ya cant blog no more." I cant say fer sure that my mind didnt at some point eithr shift from embracin th one ideal to embracin th othr, or at least begin oscillatin tween th two -- which I guess woud be th closest thing to a consistent embrace of em bofe.

Suffice it to say that I feel th pull of em bofe -- I see em bofe as legitimate ideals. But in th end, one can at best only postpone choosin btween em -- prhaps until th time when choosin itself bcomes impossible, and ones choice not to choose yet is transformd into ... well ... a irrevokable selecktion -- and to me there seems sompm basickly ... unsatisfacktory in that.

Upon reflecktion, I guess its to be expecktd that I migt give such a unusual amount o thougt to th mattr of retirement, givn that I gots what Ive sadly come to realize is a rathr unusual conception o bloggin. Seein blogging more as a platform fer performin than as one fer netwerkin, I tend to see it as sompm that gotsta be done ackordin to some set o rules, and that these rules set a kind o standard which, tho it may have its roots in th prsonal whim o th bloggr, cannot simply be reducd to th bloggr's prsonal whimsy. Theres a right way and a wrong way to do things while bloggin, and theres a right way and a wrong way to do things when ceasing to blog. (And please keep in mind that these prnouncments are overtly relativistick. Theyre rootd in th model of bloggin as prformance. Fokes who view bloggin as netwerkin woud NOT be bound by such rules. I migt wish to argue that bloggin as prformance is th bettr model, since bloggin as netwerking involves far fewr challenges, requires far less creative effort, has far less entrtainment value, and is thus thoroughly overrepresentd in cybrspace; but I have no doubts that such a argument woud apeal only to th awready-convertd -- all three of em.)

Fer example, when it comes to retirement, Ive always insistd on seein it as bein ... yknow ... final -- when you say yer done, yer done. Th idea of th faux retirement -- th temporary retirement -- has always seemd ilicit to me. I think it too clearly indickates that what moves th bloggr is his / her own affecktion fer th acktivity, rathr than any commitment to prducing what migt be viewd much latr as a carefuly craftd and coherent piece of creativity. Again, what woud work and be prfeckly prmissible on th model o bloggin as netwerkin shoud be anathema to anyone embracin th model o bloggin as prformance.

Fer diffrent, tho prhaps relatd reasns, Ive also frownd upon th retirement tease -- th suggestion that one is contemplatin retirement in th forseeable future. Th way I see it, theres no reasn to ANNOUNCE sompm like that except to try to elicit some kind o outpouring o positive reinforcement from ones readrs. And as bloggrs who pracktice th tease tend very oftn to dcide against retiring just then, I think its reasonable to conclude that this WAS in fackt their reasn fer makin th announcment. In addition to seeming transparently self-absorbd and manipulative, this also tends to cluttr a blog needlessly wif "housekeeping" posts -- posts entirely about th bloggrs current, recent, or impending bloggin-acktivity. Again, its all prfeckly consistent wit th model o bloggin as netwerkin, and wholly contrary to th model I prefr. And so th Polanski Principple implys not only that when yer done yer DONE, but also that when you say youre (thinkin o) gettin out you GET OUT.

Somwhere btween th temporary retirement and th retirement tease is th housekeepin post announcin a hiatus from bloggin. Its one thing, I guess, when some kind o temporary incapacitation will prevent reggalr bloggin acktivity fer a significant period o time; but quite anothr when its just that th bloggr has stoppd feelin th passion fer th game. Announcin that kind o hiatus is what I woud dscribe as "blood in th snow." Any subsequent "comebacks" by th bloggr will more oftn than not be sputtery, haff-heartd, and short-lived. Follow th blogski aftr that announcment, and its all but certain youll soon find th blogski fully Nicholsond a very short way down th roadski. To see bloggin as prformance requires embracin th principple that if ya no longr feel like keepin it up, then CUT IT OUT. When bloggin is seen as netwerkin, well ... as always, "Its ALL good."

So when I pondr th notion of retirement, I see there to be sompm like FIVE important questions to considr. Prhaps th most prominent one is whethr to retire. This question can be viewd eithr as a "local" one or as a "global" one. Viewd locally, its th question o whethr one simply wants to end ones current bloggin career. Viewd globally, its th question o whethr one wishs ones current bloggin projeckt to have a kind o craftd completeness to it.

Inextrickably connecktd wit th question o whethr, ocourse, is th question o why. Here, again, th presumption implyd by th bloggin-as-prformance model is that there are good reasns fer gettin out and bad reasns fer gettin out. Thus, th why-question is realy a mattr o whethr one has what woud be good reasns fer gettin out. See? "Whethr" and "Why" are pracktickly th same question.

Also closely connecktd to each othr, and conditional upon a affirmative answr to th whethr-question, are th questions o how and when. Havin dcided to retire, shoud one announce it at all, or shoud one just quit and allow th fackt to bcome evident wit th passage o time? If a announcment is to be made, shoud it be a announcment that one is now retiring, or shoud it be an announcment that one will be retiring on some specifyd future date? Answrs to these how-questions will affeckt, but not wholy dtermine, th answr to th when-question. Then theres a how-question that aint at all connecktd wit th when-question -- specifickly, th question o whethr th blogski stays open to publick viewing or whethr it eventualy gets removd.

Th fift question to be considerd is what, exackly, "retirement" MEANS. If it means nothin else, it mus surely mean th termination of some current bloggin projeckt(s). But does it also mean complete removal o ones current bloggin persona from th blogassfear? What is it thats bein retired -- th blogski or th bloggr?

Okay. Ive prattld on long enough about theoretickle and conceptual mattrs, about ideals and principples, models and standards. Its time I got aroun to th prpose o th present postski -- which is expressd, in howevr a "coded" way, in th posts title.

Ive dcided to retire. Theres my answr to th whethr-question.

As to th why-question, th answr is, natcherly, more involvd. In whatevr oscillatin I mighta done tween th ideals o craftd completeness and entire open-endedness, Ive come down dcidedly on th side o th formr. A uncompletd work of art can have considrable value, but nevr so great a value attributable to th artist as that which is present in a work that th artist completes himself / herself. So fer theoretickle, artistick reasns, I think its best that th Polanski Show be brought willfully to some apropriate end.

And, ocourse, that aint all there is to it -- as I aint meanin merely to say that I plan on some as-yet-unspecifyd date to end th Show. I mean Ive dcided to end th Show on a specifick date, and relatively soon. Thus, while still considerin th why-question, which is inextricably connecktd to th whethr-question, we lapse into consideration o th when-question, and th present post bcomes a element in th answr to th how-question.

I still get as much of a hoot outta doin th Polanski Show today as I evr have in th past. Nfackt, if anything, I probly get a biggr kick outta it now, since th passage o time has so well establishd th places where true play and cooprative creativity are encouragd and enjoyd. There are too few such places in th blogassfear, but thats been th case as long as I been bloggin. As th years have passd, most o th very small numbr o playrs Ive encounterd have eithr overtly exitd th field o play or have gone full Nicholson; but as I just suggestd, this has had th wondrous effeckt of illuminating more brillyantly th few blogskis where th creative spirit still flourishs, and has intensifyd that spirit and thus more firmly bonded togethr those o us spiritd fokes that are still left in th game.

But th Man Bhind th Curtain has dcided that th creative energy thats gone inta prducin th Polanski Show woud now be more fruitfully channelld into othr projeckts; and that, along wit th fackt that th Show has had itself a good long runski, is what convinces me that its time to put in place a plan to bring down th final curtain. Long-time readrs o th JPS may remembr th resistance I put up when I was bein lobbyd by a friend o th Show to bring some o my game on ovr to some gazillion-contributor mega-blogski. Th main reasn I offrd fer decklining th invitation is, I think, as sound today as it was then. I simply dont have ENOUGH game to be a meaningful contributor at two blogskis. More prcisely, I was facd wif eithr inventing a seprate shtick to contribute at th friends blogski or else simply doin some o my JPS shtick ovr there. Eithr way -- especialy in light o th fackt that I cant think o any shtick werf doin that I WOUDNT be able to do here at JPS -- it seemd to me that Id be agreein to watr down th Polanski Show, shirkin th ONE bloggin rsponsibility wif which I alone am entrustd. Nothin doin, I said. Well ... similar point applys here. Th MBC controls where th creative energy goes, and itll soon be goin primarily inta projeckts othr than th Show. Th Show coud eithr be left to suffr or be put downski. Id rathr see it put downski.

Havin now took care o th whethr and th why (th how bein handld in th very writin o this postski), th when can rathr quickly be addressd. Im gonna finish out my fift year o bloggin, and then close th Show. Fer those o yous who are UP on yer Polanski Show histry, th Show startd on th evning o July 14, 2005. So my plan is to publish my final JPS postski on July 13, 2010. A few o th Show's closest friends have been told (about a munth ago, by jungle vine) of my plan to announce in March my retirment, th dcision to retire havin been made more or less one week bfore they were told. But I think th propr thing to do is to make a formal announcment on th Show well in advance o th atchual end o th Show. So Im annoucing today, wif a third of a year left to go. Th Show's days have always been numberd; but now th numbr is specifyd. Theres lots more I got to publish, lots more fun to be had. Nfackt, my plan is to accelerate posting durin these final four munts o th Show. As always, I hope yall will come along on this final leg o th journey, and you can expeckt th same rollicking play outta me here at th Show and at my othr reggalr haunts durin this stretch.

And this, ocourse, leaves that one othr question: What, exackly does this retirment thing entail -- othr than, oviously, th cessation of posting at th JPS? Will there simply be a final JPS post and nevr anothr peep outta Polanski in th blogassfear? Shoudnt a good host be willin to mix it up wif anyone inclind to coment on th final post? And what about them othr haunts -- them oh-so-rare havens o good, spiritd play? Will they nevr again be visitd substantively by th one guy who woud claim to apreciate their precious gifts to th blogassfear as much as anyone coud? These are all important questions, questions werf answrin. Thing is, tho, I aint sure what th whole answr is, there. I know this much: my plan is to leave th JPS open to publick viewing until such time as it might bcome impossible fer it to remain so. (I have no idea what might make it impossible, but alls I can control is whethr I remove it from publick viewing. My intention is not to remove it.) Its also my plan to continue playin in th coments-secktion(s) at th JPS fer some indefinite period o time aftr th final curtain comes downski. Th play is what its all aboutski, and if fokes are up fer it, I woudnt wanna be th one to deny em flat-out. Its as to th question of continued participation at them othr cherishd places that I aint got a dcisive rsponse. Theres much to be said fer makin th blogassfears "Polanski period" a well-defind chaptr -- Polanski eithr all in or all out. But theres at least as much to be said fer spportin as best I can th few bloggin projeckts thatve helpd make my own experience in th blogassfear th blast that its been. Alls I can say fer sure right now is that I aint sayin my retirement includes th end o th Polanski presence in th blogassfear. My friends and creative partnrs are very important to me, as are their ongoing projeckts in th blogassfear. I may simply be unable to resist continued play wit them fokes, long aftr th JPS is as stiff as Rasputins dickski.

In fackt, I aint evn rulin out th possibility that continued collaboration wif such spiritd palskis coud blossom forth inta a diffrent kind o Polanski bloggin projeckt; but any such projeckt woud hafta be compatible wit th MBC's re-distribution o energy (as well as my earlyer disavowals o things like th faux or "temporary" retirement). I wont say no more here about th maybe-hows, th maybe-whats, & th maybe-whys, since I suspeckt therell be a more apropriate time to go into em as th date o th final curtain approachs.

So, there. Thats it. Weere goin inta th final four munts o The Joey Polanski Show. Ill keep doin my thing throughout that time; and if ya do me th kindness a comin by and playin along, I might be happy to do you too!

Please dont confuse em!

2010-03-01T20:00:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Heres whats zoologists call a hoary fox.

Heres what othrs call a whorey Fox.

MMA

2010-02-26T23:59:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Kicking is girly,

Grappling is gay;

But thats what guys do

In th dangd MMA.

Prhaps its so fruitskis

Can grab othrs' cocks;

Or sos they dont hafta,

Like, learn howta BOX.

-- Palooka Polanski

a little flight o fancy

2010-02-12T00:31:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Launch-Sequence Startd
By Joey Polanski
He must have impressd when, fully ereckt and looking evry inch th ramrod, he exploded inta th outr office. Th pretty blonde secretary, tho not bound by military protocol, was on her feet in a flash, instantly exposin evry square-inch of her seat. He figgrd she was dazzld by his uniform, and all th fruit-salad on his chest. That there wasnt more, he lamentd privately; but sadly there were only so many fruits to be had in th Air Force ovr a twenny-nine-year career.

"Im Genral Lee Randy," he roard, "Are you to be my right-hand girl today?"

Th secretary, who realy was little more than a girl, stood blinking fer a moment, her pale, delickate hands almost in a prayr-position, pressd firmly btween her small round breasts. Innocently, she thrust em bofe out at him and said, "Im ambidextrous."

"Fine, Miss Dextrous," th genral proceeded, "Or do you prefer 'Amber'?"

"No, sir," she correcktd, "Ambidextrous. I can do a good job wif eithr hand." She then drew her hands back to her bosom and added, "Im Mae Bloyalader."

"Outstanding!" he cried, exuberatin right there on th spot. Then, wif astonishing rapidity, he resumd his rigidity. Th less-than-worldly lass had nevr bfore seen a man get so stiff so fast, especialy aftr such a effusion. She was nearly knockd back on her heels.

"We have important work to do here today," he announcd, "Are all systms 'GO'?"

Th girl sank slowly back inta her chair and quickly surveyd th contents atop her desk. "Well," she began, "Th ringr on your phone isnt workin, but Ill be having a maintenance-man and a elecktrician here on th floor ovr th lunch-hour."

"Excellent!" he spewd. Then, executing a flawless right-face, he headed tward his command-centr. "Carry on then, Laterblower," he said wifout lookin back.

"Bloyalader," she correcktd, noticing th sharp crease in his trousrs.

"Mmm hmm, kay," he answrd, evr th model o military deckorum.

Once inside his own office, he walkd around th modest oak desk and pulld back th expensive executive swivel-chair. Then, aftr moving to a more convenient location a squat green cactus in its heavy ceramic plantr, he sat down on it. Evrything seemd in its propr place.

A moment latr, he heard th girl shout, "Sir, Ive got Major Wood on th blowr!" He had been so busy sharpening his pencil that he hadnt evn heard th outr office phone ring; but, lookin at th plain black phone on his desk, he seen that a large red light was flashin on it. "You wanna pick up line two?" th girl promptd.

He liftd th entire cradle and receivr and set th phone on his lap. Major Wood, did she say? His brow creasd as he turnd things ovr and ovr. He craned his neck and peerd into th outr office, frustratd that he coud no longr see th girls seat. It was stuck in a cubby which, due to th peculiaritys o prspecktive and its position in th office relative to th door and her seat, had escapd his notice when hed first stuck his face in. He lookd at th angry, pulsing red knob in his lap and felt assurd that in a pinch, if need be, he coud reach her private area from where he sat.

In one decisive acktion, he uncoverd his lap and barkd inta th horn, "Im Genral Lee Randy. Have I got Major Wood?"

"Yes, sir," sounded th crisp, stern voice in his ear, "Major Effin-Wood. Sempr fi!"

"Oh, heavn help me!" said th genral undr his breaff. For years hed had to handle privates in th Army. Then he was up to his eyeballs in Navy seamen. Now he was about to get stuck wit th pride o th Marines. As th disciplind tone and hard dicktion o Major Effin-Wood rang in his ears, he suddnly realizd that th big fella was standing at attention. Rolling his eyes, he slammd th cradle o th phone back down in his lap and said, "At ease, Wood. Stand down."

"Genral Randy, sir," th major began, "It is my duty to remind you that NASA has completd its four diurnal missions -- th A, B, C, and D-missions -- and th Direcktr insists on havin at least one nocturnal E-mission by th tail-end of June. As you know, its been th plan all along that th Air Force woud provide th stick-jockey for this projeckt."

Planting his elbows on th desk, th genral took to his feet and let th chair roll back a foot or two. Bent at a 90-degree angle, he statd smugly, "Im way ahead o you, Wood. NASA has its Air Force man awready. Or have you forgotten our Neil N. Ketcher?"

"Ketcher?", said th major, "This isnt anothr moonshot, Genral. NASA doesnt need anothr Neil N. Ketcher. It needs a man wit th makings of a astral explorer."

"I see," said th genral, less smugly, "Well, Thurston Forcumb wont do, unless they wanna see somone choke durin a splashdown. I suppose I coud send em a Peter Pitcher ... or a Roland Johnson ... or maybe--"

"I cant advise you, Genral," said Wood, seeming a bit shortr than usual, "But I shoud remind you that NASA is a civilian outfit, so you must muster out yer man bfore sending him to E-mission Control."

"Dammit!", Randy spat. He then began rummaging through his desk, knowin that somwhere he had a detaild report on th musterd in his drawrs. "Yes, Effin Major Wood," he finally said, exasperatd, "Is there anything else?"

Wood was unflappable: "Yes, sir. Your man is to make contackt wit th Señor Flight Instrucktor, José Jimenez. He will walk him through th various secktional simulations. Then he must meet wit th Chief Propulsion Specialist, Dr. Ignatz Z. Sparksfahrt. Your man will need to learn to work his rocket aftr its been all soupd up."

Genral Randy brightend. "Ah, yes ... th rocket! Thats th Atlas, isnt it?"

For th first time, Major Effin-Wood seemd chafed. "Th Atlas?", he askd, incredulously, "No, sir! Th Atlas rocket hasnt been put to th pad in quite a while. It simply will not go up reliably. Almost evry time it has gone up, it exploded almost instantly. Th Atlas rocket once sent John Glenn inta orbit. Thats it."

Th genral rolld his eyes again. Hed nevr once met a Marine who woudnt find some way to slip eithr John Glenn or Gomer Pyle into any conversation. "Well, Major," he said wif resignation, "I sppose th little heads shoud leave it to th big heads to straightn it out, huh?"

"Yes, sir," came th reply, "Always trust a rocket exspurt to have things well in hand. It has been my experience, Genral, that--" Fully advisd and tired o th blathr, Genral Randy cradld th horn and abruptly cut off Major Wood in mid-spew.

He then fiddld around bhind his desk fer a while, pushin evry buttn he thougt might make his secretary come, but he found that nothin he did arousd her. So he put away his pencil, closd up his drawrs, and headed back inta th outr office, where he found th girl frantickly tryin to keep a spillt cup o coffee from soilin th paprs he had seen coverin her desk earlyer. Her hair was a mess and her clothes a bit wrinkld, but she had finaly managd to get em all off and onta th floor, neatly arrangd in sevral semicircles, seeming to lay siege to her desk. Randy lookd ovr her curves and said, in a advisory way, "A strong column might attack your rear right here,", but she was too preockupied to hear him, havin climbd atop th desk to lay down a breastworks of papr napkins to keep th steamin black menace from advancing to a point where it woud undoubtedly ravage her goodys. She pivotd as she toild, until she had gaind full command o th length and breadth of th oak btween her legs. Watchin her conquest, th genral felt a inspiration not unlike that which raisd th flag at Iwo Jima.

"Miss Mayblow," he said, as she struggld to regain her composure, "If you were a Cadet undr me, youd have my highest commendation -- two or three times a week!" She smild wearily and breafflessly moufd her thanks, addin th obligatory correcktion, "Bloyalader, sir."

"Im countin on you, young lady," said th genral, turning quite serios. This time she was quite stimulatd by his suddn stiffness, as she sensd that her performance on th desktop had somhow qualifyd her as a elite oprative in his eyes. She stoppd fussing wif her mussd hair and turnd her full attention on him, meetin his intense stare wif her glistening orbs.

Th genral continued, "I need you to delivr a very important message to Lieutenant Colonel Peter Pitcher, ovr in Department--"

"4Q, Genral," th girl interruptd, excitdly.

"4Q-2, my dear," th genral gently correcktd, "Hes jus been transferrd to Department 4Q-2."

"Yes, sir!", she responded, mimicking his military inflecktion, wishin she coud have his erecktness in her. "And what is th very important message, Genral?"

Genral Randy flinchd noticeably when she, in a impressive ackt o prestidigitation, producd her pad from somwhere on her prson; and his eyes widend in horror as she removd a ballpoint pen from th nooky place hiddn undrneaf it. "Negative!", he barkd, "This mustnt be committd to papr! You must commit it to memory, Miss Layanblowya!" She wiffheld her usual correcktion, as he raisd his hand and pressd his big digit to her lips. Her pen and pad disappeard again from th light o day.

He put a hand on each o her shouldrs and fixd his eyes on hers, firmly believin that th message woud nevr leave her head if he drilld her while he was puttin it there. He felt her lock onta him, felt her tremble, heard her breaff catch in her froat; and he knew that her whole bein depended on sucksessfully carryin out his ordrs. Only then did he put his classifyd content inta her mouf.

"You are to tell Colonel Pitcher that he has been chosn to be th first man to direckt a probe into Uranus, aftr extended reconnaissance of th Mound o Venus. Be sure to introduce yerself, and tell him youre one o my secretarys. Now GO!", he commanded, givin her a pat aftr her about-face.

When she reachd th outr office door, he detaind her a moment longr. "Mae," he said, startling her wif such informality. She lockd on again, always eagr to receive. He came on her like her fathr usd to, sayin in a cautioning tone, "Air Force pilots ... theyre a breed apart. They fly boldly in th face o dangr. Th most serios mattrs they take simply in stride. Theyre known fer their nonchalance. Dont be alarmd if he responds to yer message by throwin a playful dig at you in front o th othr pilots. Peter Pitcher has probly takn a poke at evry man and woman on this entire base." She almost salutd him but, knowin that to be inappropriate, simply nodded instead bfore disappearing down th corridor. She nevr saw th genral salutin her as she ran.

In th direcktion o Department 4Q-2 th girl anxiously raced, eagr that th genral's proposal be consummatd. Her anxiousness grew as she ran, fearing that her normaly acute memory might fail her at th critickle moment, that she might fail to convey her message prfecktly. Panting from th exertion, she rehearsd, "Im Mae Bloyalader. Im a Genral Lee Randy secretary. Im Mae Bloyalader. Im a Genral Lee Randy secretary." She experiencd a brief moment o panick when she realizd she was no longr sure where Peter Pitcher was to reconnoiter and where he was to probe. But her panick subsided almost instantly, and she slowd her pace to a carefree, arm-swinging, playful skip.

"What do th details mattr?", she askd aloud, "Heell be pleasd to know that heell be twice goin where no man has gone before."

ball & chainski

2010-01-21T00:28:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Not long aftr he took a bride, Adolf Hitler put a bullet in his brain.

So dont go talkin like th sonofabitch nevr had a good idea.

The Star-Spangled Banner (wif commentary) ...

2010-01-19T00:03:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

The Star-Spangled Banner
Words by Francis Scott Key
Musick by John Stafford Smith
Commentary by Joey Polanski

O, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,

Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?

Nope.

And the rockets' red glare -- the bombs bursting in air --

Gave proof, through the night, that our flag was still there.

Kay.

O, say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Probly.

SING ALONGski!

th characktr of our content

2010-01-18T10:11:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

I wanna say "Happy Birfday" to one o th greatest civil rights leadrs th world has evr known.

I shoud be quick to add that tday is NOT atchualy th mans birfday. His ATCHUAL birfday was a few days ago -- January 15t, to be exackt. But tday is th day on which his birfday happms to be celebratd here in th Unitd States of America.

I guess I shoud also add that it aint like his birfday is always celebratd on January 18t in th Unitd States of America. Here in America, we always celebrate his birfday on th third Monday in January, whatevr th date may happm to be on that day.

And maybe I shoud evn add that it aint like his birfday is celebratd on diffrent days in othr countrys. As a mattr o fackt, Im pretty sure his birfday aint celebratd in any country othr than th Unitd States of America. And I guess that sorta makes sense, since th man imself was, aftr all, a American.

I apologize, therefore, fer th inackuracys in this postski.

HAPPY BIRFDAY, DR MARTIN LUFR KNIG!

poetus interruptus

2010-01-15T02:20:00.002-06:00

Buddies,

A fishr-chick, wif eagrness, set out to cast her bait.

Emergin from her house, she then assumd a fastr gait.

But all her clothes rippd off as she went whizzing past her gate;

While I, my pole in hand, instead o helping, ...

...

...

...

DANG! Im DRY!

How to Draw a Elephant from Life

2010-01-12T18:31:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

STEP ONE: Find yerself a live elephant.

STEP TWO: Yeah ... Like you realy fuckin found one.

Please dont confuse em!

2010-01-09T22:50:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Heres a representation of a Tits Group.

Heres a diffrent representation of a tits group.

Now tell me THAT dont make ya wanna go ababababab!

Name That Polack

2010-01-05T17:00:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Comin as it does in th midst of a global hollyday seasn, th changin of a calendar-year always seems a fittin time fer joyful reminiscin. And my previos postski, celebratin th hollyday seasn by callin all available poetick wits to play in th blogassfears greatest annual entertainment event, apropriately serves as a kind o focal point fer a bit o such reminiscin.

I "signd" that postski wif a playful and applickable monickr -- "Emily Dickinjar". All readrs o The Joey Polanski Show -- evn th fuzzbrains -- know that posts containin such playful "signatures" aint unusual here at th Show. Nfackt, th pracktice o my referrin to myself by some "alias" goes alla way back to Septembr 6, 2005 -- less than two munts inta my bloggin careerski. And I done countd 107 diffrent instances in th histry o th JPS when I done usd a pseudonym.

Here, then, fer prposes o reminiscin and (as always) laughin, is a alfabettickle list o th fake names Ive usd here at th Polanski Show, inckludin links to th posts on which em names been usd.

Can you remembr what was offerd up by each "altr-ego"? Click th links, and be thankful this aint some kind o quizski.

C. U. Later

Cecil B. Polanski

Choo-Choo Polanski

Cmmander Polanski

Croakin Joe

Curious Joe

Dean Polanski

Dean Polanski

Dean Polanski

Dean Polanski

Dean Polanski

Dean Polanski

Dizzy Gillespski

Edgr Allen Polack

Edison Polanski

Emily Dickinjar

Emperor Josef

Enlightend Joe

Fargo Joe

Freaky Joey

Genral Jozef Tecumseh Polanski

Genral Millski

GOPolanski

Gregorian Joe

Gritty Joey

Harry Doyle Polanski

Henry Fellowswerf Longwad

Holy Joe

Idaho Joe

J. Edgr Poofr

J. K. Polanskianski

Jewy Joey

Joe Barleycornski

Joe I Know

Joe Nader

Joe Polanski, th Weathrmanski

Joe th Plungr

Joe Hung-Lo

Joelia Child

Joely Polanski

Joesy Poesy

Joey, th Gratest Ape

Joey Ho Hoey

Joey O-Seven

Joey Mission

Joey Mission

Joey Polanski

Joey Polanski, Master Asshole

Joey Polanski, Ministr of Jus-Realizd-It

Joey Polanskiani

Joey Rah-Rah

Joey-san

Joeyce Kilmr Polanski

Jolly Joey Polanski

Jose Polanski

Jozef K. Polanski

Jujuey Polanski

King o Poplanski

Lost-Weekend Polanski

Male Joevinist Pigski

Manfred Mannski Polanski

Marlin Perkinski

Mike Polanski, Kielbasa King o Poland

Mr Joey Po

Th Norf Pole

"Nuts" Polanski

Pablo Polanski

Pairsocanski Polanski

Pal Joey

Palooka Joeski

Paracelski

Pentagon Polanski

Pepperoni Polanski

Peppr Polanski

Perfesser Polanski

Perfesser Polanski

Pigpen Polanski

Pokeyo Joe

Polanski, King o th Joes

PoleDiLocks

Potsie Polanski

Poodle Polanski

Ptolemski

Quick-Draw McGrawski

Quick-Draw Polanski

Rabbi Polanski

Reontardo daVinchski

Revrend Ikeski

Roamin Polanski

Romanski Polanski

Romeo Joe

Rupert Polack

Simon & Polefunkel

Sloppy Joey

Sloppy Joey

Sloppy Joey

Snazzy Polanski

"Snips" Polanski

Svengalski

Tycho Brahski

Wee Willy Winkski

Willy Shakespearski

Woozy Polanski

Yogi Polanski

Yusuf Al-Habibi bin Boobi

Yusuf Kielbasa Al-Salami

Yusuf Al-Polanski

th time is RIPE

2009-12-31T13:27:00.005-06:00

Buddies,

Its been comin up a long timeski ...

Now, at long last, its goin downski.

Come on alongski!

By th way ...

Here are some words that rhyme wif Rasputin':

rootin
tootin
bootin
lootin
hootin
Putin
Newton

And, fer whatevr it may be werf, here are some words that rhyme wif 'peepee':

sleepy
creepy
weepy
teepee
swee'pea

-- Emily Dickinjar

Poemski: th Polanski Catalog (Volume VI)

2009-12-22T18:00:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Th usual thankskis to Atlas Cerise for th graphickle freebie.
     Well, fokes, th wintr solstice is here; and that means, in keepin wif my recently revisd policy, that its time fer th publickation o Poemski VI -- also known as th first issue o Wintr Poemski.^* Yous may recall that I adoptd a twice-per-year planski fer publishin volumes o Poemski: th Polanski Catalog, startin wit th previos volume, Poemski V -- also known as th first issue o Summr Poemski. Th main reasns fer th new approach were two: First, its easyer than tryin to publish th post exackly when th official count o Polanski poemskis reachs some appropriate numbr (a multipple o 10 -- usualy 20, in th early days). Seckon, poemin-acktivity had bcome pretty vigorous, and stickin to th old count-orientd policy mighta had Poemski volumes bein publishd so frequently that evn th earlyest poemskis in a new volume couda still been fresh in many readrs memorys. So th new Summr / Wintr plan guarantees that therell always be a six-munth intrval tween volumes o Poemski.

     Poemski V was a goshdangd blockbusta! It linkd to 243 Polanski poemskis, and ovr 500 poemskis in all! Poemski VI cant be expecktd to match em numbrs, and fer sevral reasns. Fer one thing, if Summr Poemski is publishd on th summr solstice and Wintr Poemski is publishd on th wintr solstice,^** its inevitable that Summr Poemski will link to th load o poemskis submittd fer th January 1 Rasputin International Poetry Exhibition (RIPE). Thats probly btween 75 and 100 poemskis right there. There aint no comprable event takin place durin th time when Wintr Poemski is bein compiled. Fer anothr thingski, th poemin energy has dwindld considerably since th new Poemski plan was adoptd. Theres only a very small numbr o us who still get up reggalrly fer a good ol fashiond poemfest. Nfackt, as youll see below, it was a pretty good while aftr th publication o Poemski V that any poemskis got attachd to th Poemski V postski. Back in th day, a Poemski post had th faitful a-poemin away almost imediately.

     Fer yet anothr thing, along wit th dwindling o poemin energy specifickly has come (aparently) a notable dwindling o bloggin energy genrally. Th net result o that has been, sadly, that Ive sorta hadta dump more than a few sidebar linkskis, and there seem to be evn fewr prospecktive playrs in th blogassfear now than there were back in th day. How does this affeckt th count in a Poemski volume, you ask? (usin 'you' in th singular, probly) Well, evn tho th overt intention o th first Poemski volume was to guide yas to MY poetick efforts ackross th innernets, its also been part o th projeckt since Poemski I to draw attention to th magickle interacktion among membrs o th Polanski Show cmmunity o playrs, where that cmmunity is defind largely by th list o linkd blogskis in th JPS sidebar. Thus, if past pracktice is to be followd, th fewr th linkd blogskis, foke (singular), th fewr th places a Poemski volume can link to. And, as it happms, since th publickation o Poemski V back in June, I done poemd at quite a few places that aint linkd in th JPS sidebar. (Some o these are places that were once linkd, but they lost their links bfore th start o th Poemski VI compilation period. Th rest o them are places that nevr had links in th JPS sidebar.) Twas a hard dcision to make, but Ive dcided that Poemski volumes shoud not link to poemskis postd at them places.

     This is a tricky mattr, fokes. I mean, surely Poemski oughtta be, ultimately, a cmplete catalog o Polanski poetick efforts, and so shoud link to EVRY post where a Polanski poemski has been attachd. But that aint been th oprative principple in th past; and, trufe be told, Id rathr not link to blogskis that seem to rejeckt my ideal o th blogassfear as a place fer PLAY. So, then, why not link only to posts at blogskis that Joey Polanski wants to promote? Well ... heres where it gets complickatd, fokes. See, I aint nevr been shy about expressin my ideas about what makes fer good bloggin and what dont; but I aint nevr been keen on overtly judgin which partickular blogskis measure up and which ones dont -- except, ocourse, in decidin which blogskis to add to th links-list in th JPS sidebar. And so I figgerd Id eithr hafta have Poemski volumes link to EVRY post where I submittd a poemski or Id hafta have em link only to Polanski poemskis attachd to posts at blogskis that are linkd in th JPS sidebar. And bcause I jus cant bring myself to encourage readrship o blogskis that DONT encourage PLAY, I optd fer th lattr.

     But I am still mindful o th ideal that readrs o th JPS be guided to ALL o th poemskis postd in cybrspace by their favorit Polack. And so Im thinkin about intrducin sompm we can call th Poemski SUPPLEMENTS. Em supplements will probly be publishd ovr at Joey's Hole, and will likly come in two kinds. One kind will contain links to Polanski poemskis postd at non-JPS-linkd blogskis that I dont mind spportin. And where Polanski poemskis are attachd to posts at blogskis that Id realy rathr not spport (which aint uncommon, since I ockasionaly post poemskis at blogskis precisely to see whethr there are some PLAYRs around, learnin all too oftn that there just AINT), then I migt offr a supplement in which I, rathr than insertin linkskis to th posts where th poemskis are attachd, simply esplain th contexts (i.e., recap th bloggrs posts) and then REPRINT my poemskis (along, prhaps, wit th poemskis attachd by othr bloggrs who are Pals o Polanski). Yeah. That migt be th best way to adhere to ALL o my values about good bloggin, while respecktin long-standing Poemski tradition.

     But anyway, I now present to ya Poemski VI, th first issue o Wintr Poemski. It contains 220 poemskis by 11 bloggrs, ockurrin ovr 44 postskis at 1 YouTube page and 5 o th 6 blogskis linkd in th sidebar. 96 o th poemskis are by Polanski, while 124 ubm are by othrs. Lets get to em awready!

PFOs: Since Poemski V was publishd, th first o th Poems For Occasions postd was one o mine; and it was postd on June 25, 2009. Among th post-Poemski V PFOS are 10 from Polanski and 9 from Atlas Cerise. Read em HERE.

Th Flea-sing: Th Revrend Anaglyph publishd a numbr o posts callin inta question th proposition that a tag wif a magnetick strip innit can keep fleas off yer pet. Th charlatans hawkin such flim-flamski have takn issue wit th Revrends criticism. I chimd in wif a poemski (a haiku). I poemd alone. Th post is calld ... and So Ad Infinitum.

Jacko Off: When Wacko Jacko bit it, you can bet some o th Polanski Show playrs publishd posts on th subjeckt. And you can bet that inspird some poemin. Mikes post went up first. This touchd off quite a poemin expo, most notable fer a vigorous shoot-out involvin mainly Mike and Atlas Cerise. But it was I who got things startd off. Here youll find 8 poemskis from Polanski, 7 from Atlas Cerise, and 10 from Mike. Th post is calld, quite simply, Michael Jackson.

Helga & Llew: Nurse Myra is at her best when she is writin about life at th Gimcrack. A story about a jealous ol bat, a guy in a propellr hat, and a church service fer th senile inspird 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld where are we mother?

Poemski V: Usualy a Poemski volume starts off wit th poemskis that were attachd to th previos Poemski volume. But -- alas! -- th poemin energy has been low in recent munts; and thus it wudnt until aftr th postin of all th poemskis awready mentiond here that any poemskis got attachd to th Poemski V post. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 1 from Mike, and 1 from Cissy Strutt. Skip th post and jus read TH COMMENTS.

Cmmanded: Th Revrend publishd a post about God cmmanding Abraham to sackrifice his son Isaack. A few refrences to biblickle foke led erstwhile Polanski Show playr, Casey, to post a little rhyme cnnecktin Methuselah to ... yep ... Rasputin! When I postd a reggalr ol coment in rsponse, th Rev pracktickly cmmanded me to write a dangd poemski! (See, fokes? Th Revrend feels gyppd if he dont get a Polanski poemski!) Ocourse, I obligd. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Casey. Th post is calld The Problem of Faith.

Hackin Jacko: Next up in th Wacko Jacko postin was th Revrends recap of a quick convo among his stepdaughtrs about MJ gettin autopsyd. Now how coud we poemrs possibly abstain? Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, 3 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld Leave Me Alone.

Mental: Atlas Cerise is goin to college. He hadta take a corse in psyckology. His teachrs startd teachin him about homunckulus stuffski. Poemskis are pracktickly inevitable. Intrestingly, th poemskis are all about th Unitd States Navy, rathr than about homunckuli. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Psychology 101ski.

FUN: I wrote a fun little tale about a dude and a chick sayin stuff that was, like, always implyin th peepee jokeski. Think that wont inspire poemskis from juvenile fuckrs like me & Atlas? Yeah? Well, we done throwd ya a curveball here, fokes, cuz our poemskis were all, like, writtn in CODEski. Yeah. Atlas & me gots, like, our own friggin language nowski. Ah, well, fuckrs ... Try to enjoy our poemskis anyhow. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld a little tale.

Tards: I postd a pitchr of a sign which, if read a certain way, refrs to tard kids. Poemin followd. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Are we havin fun yet?

Praise th Lucre: Th Revrend publishd a post pointin out th hypocrisy of a outfit offerin "Christian" debt consultation. I tossd in a coupla poemskis. Th post is calld Matthew 19:24.

Tward th Haff-Deckade: I wrote a post cmmemorating th end o my fourth year o bloggin. Kinda wannad to fuck witchyas and leave yas guessin as to whethr Id go ahead & start a fift year. Th ockasion and th subsequent bloggin-nap I took led to some poemin. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 4 from Atlas Cerise, 2 from Cissy Strutt, 1 from Colonel Colonel, and 1 from Buzzardbilly. Th post is calld 4th downski.

Old Rasputin: Ending a long napski usualy calls fer a real specktackular postski. And this nap ended (and th JPSs fift year bgan) wif my postin a long narrative poemski featurin some Pals o th Pole. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 3 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Pickle Me Giblets!

Blue Woo: Th Revrend publishd a post pokin fun at th idea of a iPhone app that enables you to shine on yerself a pain-relieving lightski. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 1 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from th Revrend. Th post is calld Blue Moonshine.

In Seasn: Cissy Strutt postd a pitchr of a blue wintr sky. Ocourse, th Aussies have wintr in th summr. But Im a poemr fer ALL seasns, fokes. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Cissy Strutt, and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Sydney winter sky.

OBAMA: I postd a pitchr of a sidewalk in my naybrhood, on which was stencild a image o Presdent Barack Obamas face. That inspird a little bit o poemin. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld prioritys.

More on Morons: Th Revrends ongoin war wit th Shoo!TAG™ fokes is usualy good fer some poemin. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 3 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld EMF -- It's Not What You Think!

Lust fer Life: I postd a pitchr of a bit o graffiti expressin overtly th artists lack of a lifeski. Me & Atlas (Who else?) had some fun poemin about it. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld Thanks, Capm Ovious.

Lumbrjack Limerick: Most o th poemin I do in th blogassfear is done in coments -- eithr coments left at JPS or coments left at othr places. I dont too oftn write posts containing poemskis. But playin around wif words inspird a silly little limerick, and a coupla othr fokes joind in th funski. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 1 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Buzzardbilly. Th post is calld bestsellr.

FUNambulism: When a post at Nurse Myras containd a poemski, I hadta offr one o my ownski. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Nurse Myra (borrowd). Th post is calld clerical benefits.

Hicks, Hay, and Hootrs: Atlas postd a poemski about his trip to a small Ohio town fer a famly gathering. I tossd in a poemski tooski. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld The Mullets of Mayberry.

Spooky Toof: Th Revrend insists that evidence that a produckt whitens teef is suspeckt when it involves Photoshop. I dont know about that guy somtimes. But here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Atlas Cerise, 2 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 1 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld The Shadow of Your Smile.

Th Atlanski Brigade: In th war against Shoo!TAG™, Atlas gots th Revrends backski and I bring up th heavy poetick artillery. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski. Th post is calld Does Shoo!TAG™ Really Work?

Short Verse: Anothr homunckulus-relatd post at Old Fish and Lemonade again inspird some poemin. This is, I think, a especialy fun exchange tween me & Atlas. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 3 from Atlas. Th post is calld The Other OTHER Lil' Bastard.

Th Post: I also kinda had fun poemin about a pitchr Atlas postd of a U.S. Mail truck parkd outside a UPS store. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Traitor.

Come. Rhyme. Be Long: Heres anothr especialy fun bit o poemin. Atlas began his official ad-campaign fer th fift annual Rasputin event, and th three "foundrs" -- me, Atlas, and th Revrend Anaglyph -- tossd in a poemski apiece. Th post is calld More to Come.

Contra Versey: Jus how DOES th dangd chart realy work, and can it help us dcide whethr crimson is a shade o red or a shade o prple? Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 1 from Atlas Cerise, and a whole heckuva lotta debate about whethr th way th chart realy works is undrstood. Th post is calld Soup.

Chaptr & Verse: My posts at JPS containing passages from non-canonickle gospels usualy leads to a Atlanski poemin show. Attachd to thisn youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 3 from Atlas. Th post is calld a fuckin show for th Holy Famly.

PRUNES: More Atlanski poemskis writtn in code, dciphrable only by pompous dingbats. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 3 from Atlas. Th post is calld For a Tight Squeeze.

TubeTube: Atlases Rasputin ad-campaign included two videos postd on YouTube. On th YouTube page o th first o these, I postd a poemski. Heres a link to th page.

Skullful o Mush: How many times have you heard it said that we humans only use about 10% o our brains? Well, speakin prsonaly, Ive heard it enough times to be sure that thats 100% true. Th Revrend scoffs anyway. And th rest o us poem away happily. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 1 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld Brain Dead.

Dark Brew: I gots a herd o squirrels that I feed evry day. And when th squirrels are eatin, I gets a chance to take some pretty good close-up photos ubm. Somtimes th way they hold a peanut makes em look like theyre playin a harmonica. Othr times it makes em look like theyre sippin a little cup o coffee. Thats th image that inspird this post. Th post then inspird some fun Photoshop work from th Revrend and Atlas. Only I felt like writin a poemski about it. Th post is calld Squirrelus caffeinatus.

Crimson & Clevr: Its dangd hard to figgr out what color a car is. Spposin it looks white but says yellow? I dunno. But I know that blood is crimson. Maybe thats red, maybe its prple. Its almost like ya gotta use some kinda chart to figgr out th right color -- and then ya gotta make sure you undrstand how th goshdangd chart realy works. Poleticks, rligion, colors, and charts -- these are things I try to avoid discussin, cuz they always lead to arguments rootd in dnominational diffrences. But my rippin off a old scab led not so much to a renewd flow o th crimson, but rathr to a rathr dlightfully humorous poemin duel tween Atlas and th Revrend. Me and Cocovan added a little fillr. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 3 from Atlas Cerise, 2 from th Revrend Anaglyph, 1 from Cocovan. Th post is calld fuck hue.

Balls: I think I mentiond in Poemski V that I aint a realy big fan o haiku. Haiku tends to be less challenging to write and less fun to read, since it dont involve th intrickacys o rhyme & metr. But haiku does seem a effecktive vehickle fer dliverin a decent one-linr. And so I offerd up a little Joeku in Poemski V and a little more here in Poemski VI. Atlas done EXPLODED wit th haiku in rsponse, and a coupla othrs did a little poemin too. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 10 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from Simply Curious, 1 from Nurse Myra, and 1 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld Joeku.

Owl: Atlas wrote a poemski about a owl buildin a nest outside his window. A bird ... hootrs ... yeah ... you know there are some poemin possibilitys thereski. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 1 from Nurse Myra. Th post is calld I Should Have Been Specific.

Miss Hole-Away: Fer a while, Atlas was werkin at a place calld Sterling Cooper, where he routinely fantasizd about a imaginary office cookie he calld Miss Holloway. When he left SC, twas th Miss he woud most miss. Him & me poemd about it. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld Cut From the Team.

Gobble: Lotsa poemin takes place ovr at Old Fish and Lemonade. As Thanksgivin approachd, Atlas postd a poemski about a hot Australian bird namd Miranda Kerr. Me & th Revrend tossd in a poemski apiece. Th post is calld A Perky Turkey.

Flying Turkey: I did lotsa poemin on and around Thanksgiving Day. Some of it was at blogskis that a Poemski volume wont link to; but a good bit o th hollyday poemin is Poemski-qualifyd. Like th poemin here on my post commemoratin th day. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Buzzardbilly, 2 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Happy Givethanksing!

Cow Shit: Some o th hollyday poemin ockurrd ovr at Tetherd Cow Ahead, where th Revrend publishd a post callin attention to some o th TCA stuff you can get yer mitts on if ya gots th scratch. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from th Revrend. Th post is calld I'll Be Home For Christmoos.

Scouts Hummr: More o th hollyday poemin spree took place ovr at Mikes blogski, Tongue In Check (th WordPress version). Here youll find 2 poemskis from MEski. Th post is calld Things Out My Front Door.

4play: As Atlases pre-RIPE fanfare unfolded ovr at Old Fish and Lemonade, we were sure to see a anticipatory post ovr at Tetherd Cow Ahead, th "proving ground." I usualy feel obligatd to toss in at least one poemski -- exackly one, in this instance. Th post is calld Pens Up.

Th Final Blow: I also tossd in a coupla poemskis when Atlas postd th final installment of his RIPE V ad-campaign. Atlas joind me in th poemin. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 3 from Atlas. Th post is calld Come One, Come All!

Sistrs in Stockings: Wit th Christmas hollyday approachin, Atlas postd a poemski wif a nun theme. I added a poemski. Th post is calld Nun the Miser.

Christ's Place: Postskis wif a rligios theme rathr oftn inspire poemin among th Polanski Show faitful. As part o my "... where our motto is ..." shtick, I postd a pitchr of a sign at a local church calld, casually enough, "Christ's Place." Atlanski had a little poemin fun wit that. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld ... where our motto is ....

So there ya have it, fokes. Lets do a final round-up.

96 Polanski poemskis

124 Othrs poemskis

220 Totl poemskis

44 Postskis

7 Siteskis
- The Joey Polanski Show (14 posts)
- Old Fish and Lemonade (14 posts)
- Tetherd Cow Ahead (10 posts)
- Tongue In Check (2 posts)
- Gimcrack Hospital (2 posts)
- Ginger Stick (1 post)
- JediMacFans YouTube Channel Page (1 post)

11 Poemrs
- Joey Polanski (96 poemskis)
- Atlas Cerise (79 poemskis)
- Anaglyph (14 poemskis)
- Mike (11 poemskis)
- Cissy Strutt (8 poemskis)
- Nurse Myra (3 poemskis)
- Colonel Colonel (3 poemskis)
- Buzzardbilly (3 poemskis)
- Cocovan (1 poemskis)
- Casey (1 poemskis)
- Simply Curious (1 poemskis)

^*Yeah, fokes, Im well aware o th fackt that th wintr solstice was yestrday, Decembr 21. So yeah, I know that Im a day late in publishin Poemski VI. But Christmas time is here, fokes; and, as luck woud have it, some Pals o Joey done draggd me off fer some hollyday celebration and didnt release me till it was too late to put all th finishing touchs on th post bfore th 21st bcame th 22nd. And so th publickation o Wintr Poemski on th day o th wintr solstice is whatd be calld, in th parlance familyar to me & my brothr Piet, a weak tradition -- which is a way o sayin its a tradition that is talkd up alot, but virtualy all o th talk turns out to be bullshit.

^**A WEAK tradition! Somwhere, Piet is laughin.

... where our motto is ...

2009-11-29T17:01:00.002-06:00

Buddies,

... "Here, th Savior dont just hang. He hangs out."

Happy Givethanksing!

2009-11-26T09:02:00.000-06:00

Buddies,

Eat turkey wif forks, knives, & spoons,

Till yer bellys blow up like balloons;

And to help you get past,

Yer big meal realy fast,

Replace th cranberrys wif PRUNES.

(clickski)

Shempr Fidelis

2009-11-22T21:28:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Ah, its MAY thats th merry merry munth, rightski? Then I guess its no wondr that on th direckt opposit end o th year -- here in Novembr -- we find ourselfs commemoratin so many fokeses deaffs: Mama Polanski ... Edward Woodward ... and, ocourse, there are many fokes here and elsewhere who mark this day tday as th sad anniversry o th assassination o Presdent Kennedy.

But we here at The Joey Polanski Show choose tday to mourn th passin o one Samuel Horwitz -- bettr known as Shemp Howard, affecktionatly known simply as Shemp.

And while weere on th subjeckt o bettr knowin Shemp, and bcause I gots a feelin that there aint too many Three Stooges fans among yous readrs o th JPS, lemme clue yas all inta sompm you may not awready know about th Shempstr.

Id imagine evn th non-Stooge-fan woud be able to tell ya that Shemp is th guy who replacd Curly. Well ... woud it suprise you to learn that thats atchualy backwards? Shemp didnt replace Curly until aftr Curly had awready replacd Shemp. Thats right, fokes: th ORIGINAL Third Stooge was Shemp, not Curly.

See, "The Three Stooges" began as th "company" of a popular Vaudeville comedian namd Ted Healy. Ted Healy was a boyhood chum o one Moses Horwitz, who woud latr bcome known as Moe Howard, th head Stooge.

Ted Healy
Moe
Th boyhood frienship tween Healy and Moe led to them two partnerin up in some Vaudeville prformances. A "crew" o "stooges" began when Moes brothr, Shemp, heckld th ackt from th audience and a back-n-fort tween Moe and his brothr brougt Shemp onta th stage in a bit o improvisd shtick. Eventualy, th trio o stooges was rounded out by addition o Louis Feinberg, who latr bcame known as Larry Fine.

Larry
Ted Healy and th ORIGINAL Stooges ...
... note Shemp
So, then, WHY do so many o yas think that CURLY was th original Third Stooge? Well ... see ... Ted Healy was cheapski and also a drunkski. And th Stooges -- Shemp & Co. -- were th highlight o th first film they done wif Healy.

Shemp, Moe, and Larry
Soup to Nuts
Bein underappreciatd and undrpaid led to th Stooges walkin out on Healy and doin their shtick wifout im. Healy tryd to sue em fer usin th old material but was unsuccessful; and Healys back-up stooges wernt no goodski; and so Ted hadta woo th boys back. But his boozin and abusin led Shemp to leave th ackt; and this creatd a need fer a replacement stooge. And guess who th rplacement stooge was, fokes? Yep. You got it. Jerome Horwitz, little brothr to Shemp & Moe. You know im as Curly Howard.

Curly
Ted Healy and th REVAMPD Stooges ...
... note Curly
Ocourse, th newly reconstitutd Three Stooges soon followd Shemps lead & walkd out on Healy fer goodski. And it was durin this time that th now famous two-reel short-subjeckts was made -- wif Curly as th Third Stooge. Shemp, meanwhile, had gone on to a rathr successful career on his ownski, relucktantly rejoinin th Stooges only aftr Curly was incapacitatd by a strokeski.

So you see ... Shemp was th original Third Stooge. Curly was th rplacement. Now go tell all yer friends th great things you learn here at th Polanski Show. And drink a toast to th Shempr while yer at it.

lettuce pray ...

2009-11-16T20:30:00.004-06:00

Buddies,

Edward Woodward, th English acktr, died today at th age o 79. Reggalr readrs o The Joey Polanski Show will probly remembr that he starrd in one o my favorite movies o all time -- Breaker Morant. But back when I mentiond that filmski as one o my all-time favorits, I mentiond it fer th prposes o puttin forth some o th poemskis recitd in that filmski -- poemskis by such establishd poemrs as Lord Byron, as well as poemskis by th historickle figgr centrally portrayd in th filmski, Lt. Harry Morant (not to mention th rathr low-brow limerick that may or may not a-been recitd by anothr o th figgrs portrayd therein); and you fokes, knowin as you do my love fer th poemski, mighta spposd that its cuz o all th poemin innit that Breaker Morant is one o my all-time favorite filmskis. But that aint right. I think th thing that makes Breaker Morant a great and unfergettable filmski is th performance, in th title role, o none othr than Edward Woodward. Truly, fokes, this is one of only two instances in which I woud say that th prformance of an acktr in a role is reasn enough to call a film GREAT. Th othr instance, in case youre wondrin, is F. Murray Abrahams prformance in Amadeus. These are th greatest o filmskis -- #2 and #1, rspecktively, among my all time faves -- and you shoud make a point o watchin em bofe; but tnight you shoud rent Breaker Morant. F. Murray Abraham will croak eventualy; and then you can make a point o rentin Amadeus. (Dont rent th Direcktrs Cut, tho. It sucks.) But rent Breaker Morant tnight -- in honor o th dead guy.

Atchualy -- and I have NO idea why Im bothrin to tell ya this, cept maybe that Im dangd drunkski right now -- but fer a while I was DANGD SURE that F. Murray Abraham WAS deadski. See, well bfore I evr seen Amadeus -- and, admittdly, I didnt see it until long aftr it was rleasd in th theatrs -- I seen some shitty-ass flick that starrd F. Murray Abraham. Innit, he playd some kinda Turkish king who marryd a hot chickski and then went off to battle and got imself killt. It was a shitty flick, and I didnt care for it a whole heckuva lotski. But heres th thing ... Aftr I seen this shitty-ass filmski, th U.S. went t war wif Saddam Hussein in th Iraqski, and I remembr DISTINCKLY that, durin that military acktion, some acktr croakd and th news rportd that this acktr was of Ayrabb descent. And I was pretty sure that th TV obits I seen mentiond that shitty-ass filmski in which F.Murray Abraham playd that Turk kingski. And it was only aftr THAT that I finaly seen Amadeus. Sos, fer a long time aftr that, whenevr Id watch Amadeus, Id say, "Oh, what a shame that hes dead," and whenevr Id see a filmski comin out that had F. Murray Abraham innit -- like th parody-film, Loaded Weapon -- Id say, "Oh, that mus be th filmski he was makin when he bit it." It only took a coupla new rleases from ol F. Murray bfore I came to say, "WTF??! How many dangd filmskis was this guy workin on when he croakd?" Well, ocourse, it turns out he aint dead at allski; and I cant figgr out fer th life o me whethr a acktr o Ayrabb descent realy DID die durin th Gulf War o 1991 and, if one DID, then I gots no idea whoonaFUCK it mighta been. I jus hadta learn to live wit th fackt that a great acktr who turnd in th greatest prformance I evr seen in a film was, nfackt, still alive. I coped.

But -- shit -- it wudnt nevr my intention to make this a obitchuary postski. Nfackt, th plans fer this post were in place ovr a year ago -- long bfore I evr couda knowd that Edward Woodward was gonna croak on Novembr 16, and so long bfore I couda evr had reasn to esplain how I thougt F. Murray Abraham was dead when he wudnt.

See, this Novembr 16, its sixteen years since Mama Polanski passd away. I been a orfan a long time, fokes.

Now I imagine just about alla yous out there have lost somone. Few fokes make it inta adulthood wifout seein sombody they know get took out by th Grim Reapr. But I also suspeckt that maybe a few o yous aint nevr lost no one as close as a parent. So Im guessin that some o yous will undrstand bettr than othrs a lot o what Im goin on aboutski.

When ya lose somone as close t ya as a parent -- assumin, ocourse, that you always had a good rlationship wif yer parents -- it does sompm weird to ya. I wudnt livin at home when eithr Papa or Mama Polanski passd. I was livin roughly 780 miles (or 3 states) away (a 3-hour plane ride, countin a 1-hour layovr in St Louie) when they went. They wernt part o my daily life. We talkd on th weekends. But still they were still a defnite kind o constant. They were always a phone call away, and I always knew that.

Whats more is that my muscles always knew it too -- evn bettr than my brain did, aparently. When Mama Polanski went, almost 15 munts aftr Papa Polanski, there was, ocourse, th unavoidable trip home to settle affairs; and bein wif famly, dspite th conspicuosly empty house, in a odd way kept th reality o our loss from fully sinkin in.

And maybe theres sompm in us that keeps it from evr sinkin in cmpletely. Th muscle-memory takes a long time to fadeski. I cant tell ya how many times I, aftr returnin from that trip back home, and in spite o "knowin bettr," caugt myself movin tward th phone to call eithr Mama or Papa Polanski. Yep. Felt th apropriate muscles tense up, felt th intention affecktin th will. Hadta remind myself they aint a phone call away no more.

These eppisodes, ocourse, were very frequent in th year followin Mama Polanskis passin, rathr INfrequent in th latr years. Infrequent, but not unheard of. Still, I ockasionaly see or hear sompm that inclines me, physickly, to pick up that phone. Sixteen years latr. I wondr ... if I didnt "catch myself," woud I atchualy dial th old numbr?

And th brain has its own tricks to play. Theres th dreamskis. As I awready toldjas a coupla years ago, th initial dreams involvin P & M Polanski were eithr vaguely or overtly disturbing. There they were, my P & M, alive; but sompm in th dream always suggestd that they were NOT awright. They were somhow in peril.

More recently, th dreams invovin P & M (yep ... I still have em ...) have had quite a diffrent characktr. They aint at all disturbing. Theyre atchualy very uplifting. Eithr they involve sompm thats altogethr joyous -- like Papa Polanski reboundin from what was presumd to be a terminal illness -- or they seem pregnant wif a kind o mysterios significkance -- like when Papa P wannad me & my brothr Piet and Mama P to guess th great event in Papa Ps life that took place exackly 60 years ago. Me & Piet guessd that he was talkin about bein dischargd from th Army, but we were wrongski. I still dont know what th event was, but I wrote down th date o th dream, in case I wanna try researchin it somday.

But heres th thingski -- and, as usual, its takn me this long to get around to my real reasn fer writin a post like this on th anniversry o Mama Ps passin. There are some evnings when I find myself gettin a little hungry. Now, when its gettin lateski -- yknow, close to bedtime -- I dont like to eat anything real heavy, cuz when I do that it dont make fer a very restful night. Metabollism slows down a bit, I guess. Not good tryin to digest stuff when yer bodys a-spposta be gettin ready fer anothr day. So when I find myself wantin a late-night snackski, I usualy make myself a salad. And Ive noticd that my salad nights are oftn ackompanyd by them P & M dreams. Lately they been featurin Mama Polanski. I aint had any more o them dreams like that one I toldja about two years ago, where my waking self trys to communickate wif th dream Mama P; but th dreams I been havin have also been very happy dreamskis. Im happy while Im dreamin em, and Im happy when I wake up from em -- tho I wish my P & M were around when Im awake too.

Somtimes I think maybe th departd spirits o Mama & Papa Polanski have been sendin me little ockasional hypno-postcards, tellin me that they, aftr a bit of a journey, have finaly found emselfs some heavenly digs. But maybe I dont blieve so much in Heavn no more. I kinda sorta blieve in it a lot when Im drunkski on th Old Rasputin like I was way back when I startd writin this friggin long-ass postski, cuz then I tend to think that being in Heavn gots t be a lot like bein good & drunkski and so when Im atchualy drunkski, I guess I sorta get to feelin like Im awready livin in th heavnly suburbs or sompm.

But I aint gonna insist on interpretin th pattern o my dreams that way. Alls Im gonna say is that one shoud nevr undrestimate th lengts to which a mothr will go to get her son to eat more vegtables.

Please dont confuse em!

2009-11-09T07:20:00.001-06:00

Buddies,

Emperor

Klemperer

Ah ... Genyus! Thy Name is Ludwig! (III)

2009-11-03T09:08:00.000-06:00

Buddies,

Early in the academic year 1946-47 I received an invitation from the Secretary of the Moral Sciences Club at Cambridge to read a paper about some "philosophical puzzle". It was of course clear that this was Wittgenstein's formulation, and that behind it was Wittgenstein's philosophical thesis that there are no genuine problems in philosophy, only linguistic puzzles. Since this thesis was among my pet aversions, I decided to speak on "Are there Philosophical Problems?" ...

I went on to say that I thought that if there were no genuine philosophical problems, I would certainly not be a philosopher; and that the fact that many people, or perhaps all people, thoughtlessly adopt untenable solutions to many, or perhaps all, philosophical problems provided the only justification for being a philosopher. Wittgenstein jumped up again, interrupting me, and spoke at length about puzzles and the nonexistence of philosophical problems. At a moment which appeared to me appropriate, I interrupted him, giving a list I had prepared of philosophical problems, such as: Do we know things through our senses?, Do we obtain our knowledge by induction? These Wittgenstein dismissed as being logical rather than philosophical. I then referred to the problem of whether potential or even actual infinities exist, a problem he dismissed as mathematical. ... I then mentioned moral problems and the problem of the validity of moral rules. At that point Wittgenstein, who was sitting near the fire and had been nervously playing with the poker, which he sometimes used like a conductor's baton to emphasize his assertions, challenged me: "Give an example of a moral rule!" I replied: "Not to threaten visiting lecturers with pokers." Whereupon Wittgenstein, in a rage, threw the poker down and stormed out of the room, banging the door behind him.
-- Karl Popper,
Unended Quest

Valid moral rule, Im guessin.

Happyweenie Hollow

2009-10-31T11:25:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Fer a Halloween costume, I thougt Id paint my hand to look like a ocktopuss.

Then, upon reflecktion, I figgrd itd probly make a bettr pentopuss.

Then, thinkin o what kinda puss Id like my hand to be, I got to thinkin I coud probly scare up a few tricks & treats jus stayin home tonight.

And I wish yas all yer own Happy Holloweenies!

Jack-o-Lantern Joe

Joeku

2009-10-24T11:58:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Whethr Im jugglin

Or doin a somersault,

Balls are in th air.

fuck hue

2009-10-19T16:50:00.004-05:00

Buddies,

Realizin that it coud very well bring two o my very best bloggin buddies -- th Revrend Anaglyph and Atlas Cerise -- to blows, I pose th followin questions notwifstanding:

QUESTION: Which color-term is best applyd to th car in th above photo? (Seleckt one.)

Yellow

White

Prple

Othr (Spessify)

BONUS QUESTION: When casualy referrin to a color, MUST you give its Pantone refrence? (Seleckt one.)

Nope

Only when addressin designery foke

What th fuck is a Pantone refrence?

Othr (Spessify)

SPECIAL DOUBLE-BONUS QUESTION: Who is more pedantick, th Revrend or Atlas? (Seleckt one.)

Th Revrend

Atlas

Its a toss-up

Dpends on th issue

What th fucks 'pedantick' mean?

Squirrelus caffeinatus

2009-10-16T00:27:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

... in case you were wondrin what makes em so dangd squirrely.

noPe

2009-10-14T20:47:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Heres a place Id prefr neithr to put a P nor to have a P put.

a fuckin show fer th Holy Famly

2009-10-10T14:45:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Okay, I know yall remembr em posts I done about how theres these gospels that aint in th Bible and they tell us stuff about th Lord Jesus when he was a little kid croakin and / or witherin his playmates. Well, what I DIDNT tell yas is that one o them gospels -- The First Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST (th croak-th-kid gospel) -- also tells about all th wondrful mirackulous shit th Lord Jesus done when he was just a baby & aint yet had time to rack up ... yknow ... much of a body-count.

See, some o them reggalr gospels -- th ones that are in th Bible -- they tell how, right aftr th Lord Jesus was bornd, his mom & dad ... well ... not REALY his dad ... more like his mom & her dude ... Anyhowski ... his mom & her dude hadta, like, take it on th lam bcause some crotchety ol Jew King had a sneakin suspicion that a Lord Jesus was bein bornd inta th world to take away his Jew King crown one dayski, and so he was tryin to find th Lord Jesus sos he coud have im whackd.

But this othr gospel -- one o th ones that aint in th Bible -- tells how, while th Holy Famly was wandrin around, tryin t stay a few step ahead o th Jew Kings buttn-men, they woud stop & stay in some town or at some fokeses house and, while they were there, sompm mirackulous woud happm -- sompm real GOODski. And th fokes benefittin from th Lords mirackle jus knew it was th Lord Jesus who done it, and they was quite undrstandably grateful to Him & His famly fer, like, droppin by.

But some o them fokes went a little ovrboard in th thanksgivin dpartment. Heres a nice little example, from th beginning o Chaptr VII:

¹They came afterwards to another city, and had a mind to lodge there. ²Accordingly they went to a man's house, who was newly married, but by the influence of sorcerers could not enjoy his wife. ³But they lodging at his house that night, the man was freed of his disorder. ⁴And when they were preparing early in the morning to go forward on their journey, the new married person hindered them, and provided a noble entertainment for them.

Now Im thinkin a simple "Thank you, Lord Jesus!" wouda been sfficient. "Lookee what WE can do!" seems totly ovr-th-topski. Especialy when th Lord Jesus & His peeps had a friggin camel to catch.

-- Polanski,
King o th Joes

... where our motto is ...

2009-10-01T13:30:00.003-05:00

Buddies,

"We sharpen anything ... within reason."

Jus who exackly IS Joey Polanski?

2009-09-30T17:15:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

In reality, Joey Polanski is (seleckt one):
a dashing male model

a Woo Woo Mastr

a computr exspurt

a sckoolteachr

a collidge prfessor

a Globl Gamr

a powrful, albeit dead, human bein

some lounge-singr wannabe

a pissd-off bridegroom

a tabula rasa

Sompm else (spessify)

Please dont confuse em!

2009-09-24T21:30:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Heres a pitchr o Jacques Tits.

Heres a pitchr o jock tits.

MVEMCJSUNPHME

2009-09-20T22:18:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

When I was in sckool, there were nine planets in th Solr Systm. And I knew em all, and coud evn name em in ordr from th one nearest th Sun -- thats Merckury -- to th one farthest from th Sun -- thats Pluto. Well ... it was Pluto back in them days anyhow. I awready done toldjas -- not jus once, but TWICEski -- that Pluto aint a planet in th Solr Systm no more. Its, like, a dwarf planet now. So its kinda like wif people, I guess. It aint like dwarfs are REAL people, rightski? Kay. So dwarf planets aint like real planets, then.

So Pluto aint a real planet now, which means now th planet in our solr systm thats farthest from th Sun is Neptune. But I also done toldjas that, along wif Pluto, therer some othr dwarf planets in th Solr Systm. Specifickly, I mentiond one, called Eris, which wudnt yet discoverd back when I was learnin planet stuff, and anothr, calld Ceres, which, aparently, my sckoolteachrs were jus keepin, like, a big SECRET or sompm.

Eris was discoverd only as recently as January o 2005, and it was its bein officialy classifyd as a dwarf planet rathr than a planet that causd th whole re-evaluation-o-Pluto thing. Eris, aftr all, as it turns outski, is BIGGR than Pluto. And whats more is that Pluto gots a moon so friggin big -- calld Charon -- that it throws Pluto around as much as Pluto throws it around, gravitationaly speakin. More prcisely, it aint so much that Charon orbits Pluto, or that Pluto orbits Charon; its more like bofe bodys orbit a point that is above th surface o eithr body. Thus, its almost as if there aint no more reasn fer sayin "Pluto is th planet & Charon th moon" than there is fer sayin "Charon is th planet & Pluto th moon." And alla this had fokes thinkin that if Eris aint a real planet, then there aint no friggin way Pluto coud be one neithr.

Ceres is a whole nothr mattr. It was discoverd way back in January o 1801. Fokes been knowin about IT fer a long timeski. Nfackt, onct upon a time, it WAS cnsiderd one o th planets. See, th othr thing thats WEEEEEEIRD about Ceres is that it AINT one o them WAAAAAY OUT wannabe planets like Pluto and Eris. Its th nex stop out aftr Mars. Yeah. Its sorta in our naybrhoodski. Its in whats calld th asseroid belt btween Mars and Jupitr. And THATs sorta what ended up bootin it outta th society o planets. Discoverin bodys similar to Ceres in th asseroid belt led fokes to think maybe Ceres was just a asseroid. But sompm about it still seemd a little too ... ummm ... planety -- it had enough mass that its gravity shapd it into a sphere, rathr than leavin it like a big bouldr tumblin in spaceski. So it aint a planet; it aint a asseroid; its a dwarf planet.

So kids in latr years hadta learn diffrent planet-stuff from th planet-stuff I hadta learn when I was a kidski. And I remembr hearin a few years back that some sckoolgirl won some kinda contest fer creatin th best dvice fer remembrin th planets & dwarf planets in their ordr from nearest th Sun to farthest away. And when I talk about a "dvice," I aint talkin about some kinda brain implant, yknow. Im talkin about a catchy & meaningful sentence where th first lettrs of th component-words, taken in ordr, are th first lettrs o th names o th planets & dwarf planets as ya go outward from th Sunski -- Merckury, Venus, Earf, Mars, Ceres, Jupitr, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Eris.

Anyhow, this sckoolgirl came up wit th sentence:

My Very Excellent Magic Carpet Just Sailed Under Nine Palace Elephants.

Now I dont imagine any o yous out there are gonna, like, bristle at her use of a expresion like "very excellent." (Or ARE YOU?) This is, aftr all, th work of a sckoolgirl, yeah? And ya gotta love how her sentence gots, like, a little theme goin. It gots a strong flavr o Soufwest Asia about it -- wit th magick carpet & th elephants & th palace & shit.

Fokes, I wishd I couda entrd that contest bcause, as pitchresque as that sckoolgirls sentence is, tell me you aint MUCH more likely to remembr th ordr o th planets when ya think:

Much Virgin Eroticka Might Cause Joey Some Unusualy Noticeable Penis Enlargment.

THAT sentence gots evrything that yall love! It gots porn. It gots Joey. And it gots a peepee jokeski.

But look, fokes ... None o this mattrs anymore, and Magick-Carpet Girl can suck onnit. Heres whyski: Since she done crotch-buzzd em palace elephants, TWO MORE dwarf planets been added to th Solr Systm! Their names are Haumea and Makemake.

Atchualy, Haumea was first spottd about one munth bfore Eris was; and Makemake (prnouncd sorta like "hocky-sucky") was spottd only a coupla munts aftr. Remembr I toldjas about Brownie, th Prince o Planetoids, way back when? Well, like I said, this cat been, like, findin little planets all ovr th trans-Neptunian placeski. But, while th discovry o big-ass Eris was causin all th hubbub about whethr Pluto is or aint a real planet, a contrversy arose as to WHO coud atchualy claim to have firs spottd Haumea. Seems some Spanyard asstromboner -- a "brownie" of a diffrent sort, I guess -- was claimin to have spottd Haumea more than a year bfore th Real Brownie claims he spottd it. But it also seems that part o th data usd by El Brownero to dtermine that he WAS in fackt seein a trans-Neptunian objeckt (TNO) that wudnt awready on reckord wit th ... th ... Shit, I ferget what th oficial organization is that deals wif planet-stuff ... Unitd Fedration o Planets? ... Shit ... Whudduz it mattr? ... Anyhow, Spannish Brownie hadta make sure his old space-photos showd a planety TNO that th Fedration didnt awready know about. And -- now heres th source o th contrversy, fokes -- part o th data that ol Taco Brahe usd in shorin up HIS claim was data he colleckd by secretly accessin a online summary postd by our good American Brownie in advance o announcin HIS discovry o Haumea.

So, to make a long story ... ummm ... less long, Eris eventualy ended up bein reckonizd as a dwarf planet bfore Haumea was. And as fer Makemake, it too didnt get reckonizd as a dwarf plant till almost 3 years aftr it was firs spottd. See, aftr somone spots sompm up there that they think MIGT be a new planet, lotsa data gotsta be collecktd bfore th Fedration can dcide whethr it meets all th cryteria fer bein a planet or a dwarf planet -- as opposd to jus bein some ol boring-ass asseroid. Thats hows come Magick Carpet Girl hadta come up wif a sentence includin anothr E-word (for Eris) but not includin eithr a H-word (fer Haumea) or a 3rd M-word (fer Makemake).

But now, fokes, WE -- you & me -- get to try OUR hand at craftin th best dvice fer remembrin th ordr o th planets & dwarf planets in th Solr Systm! Yall ready? Kay. Now lemme jus refresh yas all, sos ya know what weere doin here. What we needs is a single sentence -- a meaningful, grammatickle sentence, and hopefully one that is easy to remembr verbatim -- wherein th words in their ordr begin wif lettrs matchin th firs lettrs o th names o th planets & dwarf planets in THEIR ordr from th one nearest th sun to th one farthest from it. And heres th ordr:

Merckury, Venus, Earf, Mars, Ceres, Jupitr, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Haumea, Makemake, and Eris.

So our sentence hasta contain a sequence o words wit these as their initial lettrs:

MVEMCJSUNPHME

(And -- please, fokes -- whatevr ya do, dont leave out th 'U'.)
So, fer example, we might say sompm like this:

My Vast Encycklopedick Mind Can Just Somwhat Undrstand Nice People Havin Made Enemys.

See? Since nice people dont usualy make enemys, itd be hard fer evn a encycklopedick mind to comprehend th idea of a nice prson havin enemys; but it woudnt be impossible cuz, yknow, some fokes jus hate nice people. Heck! Some fokes evn hate ME. (I know, fokes ... Go figgr, right? Judgmental people SUCK.)

But I hear ya sayin, "Yeah, thats a FINE sentence, Joey. But whats wit th delicacy & sweetness? Howsabout a little RAUNCH? It dont hafta be, like, all flowrs & bunnys, ya know. Aftr all, we aint Canadians, fer cripes sakes! We can take it." Knowin yous as well as I do, I know thats your demure way o sayin, "Where th FUCKS th peepee joke?"

So maybe we coud say sompm like iss:

Masturbation Very Easily Might Castrate JediMacFan Somday, Unless Nubby Peepees Havent Measurable Extension.

"Okay," I hear ya sayin, "Now we gots our peepee. But wheres th PORNSKI?"

Kay. ... Spposn we said sompm like iss:

Mikes Vociferous Entreaty Made Cissy Jump Some Unsuspeckting Nympho, Puttin Her Mouf Evrywhere.

"YEAH!", you say, "GIRL-ON-GIRL ACKTION! But now ... WHERES TH JOEY?"

I aim t please, fokes!

Myra Very Excitdly Massaging Chickie, Joey Stood Up, Nonchalantly Pointin His Massive Erecktion.

Kay. Now that I can rest assurd that yous are all cmpletely satisfyd -- AND that yous can all EASILY remembr th ordr o th planets & dwarf planets -- I guess I can finaly close this lengthy postski. But bfore I do, lemme jus mention that th fun dont hafta end here, fokes. Somwhere out there in Trans-Neptunianlandski, theres a little thing calld Sedna. (Thanks again, Brownie!) Sedna is a TNO that is expecktd somday to be reckonizd as yet anothr dwarf planet. But it gots such a dangd funky elliptickle orbit that its probly somtimes closr to th Sun than Eris and somtimes farthr away from th Sun than Eris. So when we get around to havin to have our sentence include anothr S-word (for Sedna), weere gonna hafta make sure that its a word whose placement in th sentence can shift wifout wreckin th dangd sentence.

Sorta like th word 'sincerely', I guess.

Or 'sorta', maybe.

-- Ptolemski

bestsellr

2009-09-02T10:53:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Th Bunyan edition Joe stocks,

Sold millions right outta th blocks.

Th secrets o sellin,

Are syntax & spellin:

In Joes version, Babe blew th ox.

Thanks, Capm Ovious.

2009-08-31T00:30:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Im sure if th poor fuckr DID have a lifeski, hed be out paintin th town 7 days a weekski.

prioritys

2009-08-29T12:07:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

I guess Presdent Obama has finaly gottn aroun to fixin th nations infrastruckture.

Cuz, HECK ...

... they seem to have startd stencilin his mug on th sidewalks aroun here.

...

...

...

Hang on a seckon ... I wanna try sompm ...

...

...

...

Hang on ...

...

...

...

Okay, nevr mind ...

...

I jus thougt it might be kinda like that Shroud o Turin thing.

Pickle Me Giblets!

2009-08-27T16:39:00.004-05:00

Buddies,

Atlas, feelin rathr parchd,

Did look askance, an eyebrow archd,

Then wif dtermination marchd,

To his refrigeratr.

He hopd hed find at least one beer,

A bottle full o rich, dark cheer;

But lookin in confirmd his fear:

Hed hafta buy some latr.

---

But in th meantime he woud go,

To see his bosom-buddy, Joe.

At Joeys, Atlas had t know,

Th fridge is always stockd.

But aftr sevral hours o drivin,

Ovr hill & dale -- no jivin --

Atlas seen, upon arrivin,

Joey totaly crockd.

---

Said Joe, "I wouda savd some brew,

If Id a-been expecktin you.

But have a lil kielbasa stew.

Th crock-pots on th shelf.

"And please dont get th wrong idea,

Im burstin fort wif joy to see ya!"

He then burst fort wif diarrhea,

Bfore he pissd imself.

---

Said Atlas, "This is jus my luck:

My bes friend is a drunken fuck!"

Then up his middle fingr stuck,

As he made for th door.

"Yer quest is beer," said Joey, "Idnit?"

And how he spoke, twas sompm in it,

That causd Atlas to pause a minute,

Tho he knew not what for.

---

Said Joe, "If what you wanna be,

Is mothrfuckin drunk as me,

Then theres a man you oughtta see.

Heres how to find his town."

He gave Atlas a papr scrap,

But Atlas coudnt read th crap.

Said Joey, "Thats a Polack map.

So turn it upside down."

---

Atlas bade a fond adieu,

Which sounded rathr like "Fuck you!"

Then saddled up his Subaru,

And calld his quest a failure.

But as he drove, he had to wondr:

"Is Joeys map a drunken blundr,

Or does it show a town Down Undr?

Im goin to Australier!"

---

Not knowin which airline to use,

He settld on a ocean cruise,

Th ship, since it was dry o booze,

Increasd his angst a measure.

Each night he hadta leave his bunk,

Run to th rail & hurl a chunk.

Twas as if hed been fuckin drunk --

Th penance sans th pleasure.

---

At last, he landed on th shore,

Obtaind a car & promply tore,

Straigt down th road & to a store,

Still heedin Joes direcktion.

Th store seemd long ago creatd,

As if it coud be carbon-datd,

But hardly seemd dilapidatd --

A well-preservd erecktion.

---

A sign said: "Here you can get stiff.

Jus see th Revrend Anaglyph."

And Atlas quickly caugt a whiff,

O sompm long fermentd.

Bhind th countr in th place,

There stood a man o patent grace,

Excep th smile on his face,

Seemd just a tad dementd.

---

Atlas enterd, said "G'day,"

Then summond up th nerve t say,

"Ive come a long-ass friggin way,

T get my giblets pickld."

Th man laughd hard & shook his head.

His face turnd purple -- hed say red.

And aftr that he warmly said,

"Crikey, if I aint tickld!"

---

Then, slippin off bhind a curtain,

Th sounds he made were quite uncertain,

Which led to Atlas finaly blurtin:

"What ARE you tryin t find?"

"Return at once!" then Atlas urgd,

And so, at last, th man emergd,

Wif sompm in a jar submergd:

"THIS what you had in mind?"

---

Then Atlas got partickular,

And said in tones aurickular:

"Please ... sompm less ... testickular!

For all I wants a BEER!"

So back bhind th curtain-flap --

Anothr bump, a bang, a snap --

More rummaging through lotsa crap:

"Lets see what we have here."

---

Then finaly th sounds so nice,

O clinkin glass & crunchin ice,

And aftr so much sacrifice,

Our Atlas struck it rich!

Th man returnd and, wif a shout,

Grabbd hold o Atlas by th snout,

Shovd in his mouf a bottle o stout,

And said, "Now SUCK IT, BITCH!"

4th downski

2009-07-13T23:45:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Tday aint my bloggin birfday. Tmorrow is. Thatd be th start o th 5th year o The Joey Polanski Show in th blogassfear. So that means that tday is th las day o th JPSs 4th year -- th end o YIV. Im publishin this post tday bcause th end of a bloggin year seems th bettr ockasion fer reflecktin on th past. Th start of a new bloggin year woud seem t call fer lookin ahead to th future, and I dont wanna do thatski. Lookin ahead to th future always involves eithr th hazard o predicktin or th pressure o promisin, and HECK if th future aint a lot more excitin when its, like, a totl mystry, rightski?

Mmm hmm ... Kay.

So then ... lets do a little lookin back, shall we?

Well ... aint no sugr-coatin it, fokes ... YIV was anothr year o contracktion fer th ol JPS. Contracktion as opposd to expansion. JPS playrs have been droppin in droves. No ... They aint gone th way o David Carradine, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, & Steve McNair. They gone more th way o Jack Nicholson. You know ... Frozn Jack. Basickly outta th bloggin game -- or, if not outta th bloggin game, at least done bein what I think is best calld a PLAYR.

Seen from a certain prspecktive, this is only to be expecktd. Look ... I said it in my post last year at th start o YIV ... Merely gettin into a 4th year o bloggin awready done took us byond th norml life-span o most blogskis. Endin th 4th year takes us evn furthr inta watrs only seldom travelld. Aint suprisin, then, that many o th long-timrs who been playin th JPS stage ovr th past 4 years are ... yknow ... jus playd OUTski. Ts sad, but its natural; and, bcause natural, undrstandable. Cant be helpd, realy. But its always sad to lose PLAYRs.

Now this is a good time -- while dwellin on th dreary idea o contracktion -- to lift our spirits by payin homage to th Revrend Anaglyph and Tetherd Cow Ahead. It was in only my 4th munth o bloggin that I firs made th Revrends acquaintance. That was when Tetherd Cow Ahead was still a Blogger blogski. I found TCA by scannin th rollin list o updatd blogs that usta run on th Blogger sign-in page. Ocourse, th title attracktd me. I mean ... How coud it not? How coud I not be drawn to a blog whose title contains a genuine bit o Polanskiese? So it was late in Novembr o 2005 that I droppd in on th Revrend and postd this here coment. As you can see, my coment was characktristickly playful; but more impornt is th fackt that th Revrends rsponse was pleasantly playful as well. I mean ... th fackt that he rsponded at ALL told me right away that this bloggr was a cut above th usual limpnik one tends to find in th blogassfear. But mere playfulness alone does not a PLAYR make, fokes. Playrs PLAY, and they play not only in their own sandboxs; they play on othr fokeses home fields as well -- AND, most importntly, they take it on th road WIFOUT havin to be explicitly prodded or invitd (or, werse, spammd). They come ovr bcause they gots a natural curiosity about what fokes are doin in othr parts o th blogassfear; and they take th stage bcause ... well ... bcause thats just what its innem to do. THATs what makes a PLAYR, fokes. And so it was very soon aftr my first TCA apearance -- no tellin exackly HOW soon, ocouse, givn that th Revrend lives in Australier, which is in, like, anothr time or sompm -- that th Revrend made his first apearance on th Polanski Show stage. And a little while aftr that, I formaly intrducd th Revrend to th JPS gangski, and th Revrend formaly intrducd me to th TCA gangski.

Wit th aforementiond Jackin off o so many o th oldest JPS associates, th Revrend now ockupys that covetd spot at th top o th ol JPS links-listski. But here are two othr notewerthy fackts that yall shoud know about th association o JPS wif TCA. Firs, throughout my previos years o bloggin, I think I done linkd up sompm like 30 diffrent blogskis / websites. Of them, about 12 were blogskis I discoverd on independent scoutin-expeditions. Th rest were sites that came to my attention thru awready-establishd bloggin-associations. Of th blogs still left in th links-list, TCA is th only one that was found on such a independent search fer blogs run by PLAYRs. Seckon, not only were all th othr currently-linkd blogskis found thru prior associations, they were all found, direckly or indireckly, thru th JPS association wif TCA. My association wif Old Fish and Lemonade, Skittering Thoughts, Ginger Stick, and Gimcrack Hospital are all direckt results o th JPS association wif TCA; and my association wif Tongue In Check is due to th establishd association wif Skittering Thoughts. So them fateful meetings in late Novembr o 2005 have givn th Show its most enduring playrs; and among them long-timrs are also th Shows most valued & cherishd playrs as well. A special THANKSski to th Revrend, fer his invaluable contributions to th shtick and to th talent-pool at JPS.

And I guess it bears repeatin that th very recent addition o Nurse Myras Gimcrack Hospital to th links-list -- th latest fruit born o that fertile friendship -- was a extremely rare event in this age o contracktion. Fokes, my most recent scoutin expeditions in th blogassfear do not inspire much hope o any significkant expansion anytime soonski. Things have always been bad in this regard, ocourse -- th blogassfear has been largely a wasteland at least as long as I been lookin around in it. Th ovrwhelmin majority o blogs out there are jus online diarys publishd by fokes who (A) are shockd almost inta catatonia when exposd to my kinda shtick and (B) aint about to cut loose and do any real ballsy shtick emselfs. Once ya find one o them rare bloggrs who seem committd to prducin sompm FUN, more oftn than not they aint willin to play on any stage but their own. Th true PLAYR has always been a rarity o raritys.

But I think theres probly reasn to blieve that prospeckts fer findin a healfy stock o playrs are probly worse now than they evr been bfore. This came clear to me as I contemplatd & discussd a matttr that came up in cnnecktion wif a post publishd by Mike ovr at Tongue In Check back tward th end o April. This was th all-importnt Twittr post. In it, Mike askd his readrs a very pointd question -- a question which I confess I have also askd in th course o backchannel chattr wif bloggrs who seem to share a lot o my values when it comes to bloggin. Th question -- paraphrasin it slightly -- was: "Does anyone get th whole Twittr thing?" In my opinion, this post was importnt fer a numbr o reasns. Firs, it sorta got fokes among Mikes readrship (which pretty much encompasses th JPS readrship) to "declare emselfs" -- eithr as headscratchrs like Mike or as dedickatd Twit-wits. I came down squarely in th headscratchr camp, as did at least two othr cherishd JPS playrs. Seckon, in th course o th discussion that ensued in th coments-secktion, Mike assertd that somthing has killd th bloggin world, but did not idennify what he thougt mighta done it. That promptd me to offr MY diagnosis, and its one I still stand by. Bloggin is undrmind by th prevalent attitude among bloggrs that bloggin is just anothr netwerking platform like MySpace, Facebook, and Twittr. Th typickle bloggr blogs prcisely fer th prpose o makin & maintainin contackts. Now hownaheck is this a-spposta kill bloggin? Aint it a good thing to make friendskis? Well ... sure ... Makin friendskis is ALWAYS a good thingski, fokes. I considr th bloggrs who play th Polanski Show stage to be my friends. But these friendships o mine are grounded in a kind o shared value-systm -- a shared systm o values about bloggin. I like & admire certain bloggrs bcause o th way they operate in th blogassfear, th way they dedickate emselfs to makin their little secktions o th blogassfear inviting, engaging, & FUNski. When I mentiond blogging as netwerking as th killr o th blogassfear, what I had in mind is sompm I been railin against since th publickation o th first Polanski Show Manifesto back at th start o Year 2 -- namely, th fackt that a bloggrs real-world palskis will probly patronize th bloggrs blogski regardless o whethr th blog is in any way original or artful. Friends patronize th blogs o friends bcause theyre friends. And it dont take no rocket-sientist to figgr out that bloggrs whose blogskis enjoy a massive ottamatick readrship comprisd of a crew o real-world palskis -- whethr them palskis were palskis bfore th bloggin startd or only bcame palskis thru blogassfearick associations -- will not have a lotta incentive to do anything othr than what comes effortlessly. Thus is born one more blog-jurinal that coud be of intrest ONLY to fokes who happm to LIKE th bloggr doin th jurinating.

Th Revrend expressd similar opinions about th conecktion btween Twittrin and diary-bloggin, and similar opinions about th value o such thingskis; and that kinda brougt inta focus sompm intresting -- and th third reasn I think Mikes post was importnt. It seems pretty clear that LOTsa th fokes who declared emselfs as Twit-wits were also among them that are well on their way to Frozn Jack territory. It dawnd on me, as I think it musta dawn on Mike (and th Revrend as well, Id imagine), that Twit-wits, when they Twittr, they think they ARE bloggin! Their atchual blogs languish, while their Twittr feeds are all acrackle. Twittring satisfys whatevr itch they mighta had to do REAL bloggin. Blogging as netwerking gives way to Twittring as blogging; and real blogging dies as a resultski.

(I shoud make a point o addin here that not all bloggrs who Twittr have fallen inta such lethargy. Im pretty sure that Chickie is a rathr acktive Twittrer, but her blogski, Skittering Thoughts, remains quite acktive -- and Chickie remains a valued JPS playr.)

So prhaps you see now why I said that prospeckts fer findin werfwhile JPS playrs are dimmr now than they been in th past. Th long-standing tendency to see bloggin as netwerkin is now coupld wif a popular and addicktive substitute fer bloggin. Fokes who were born to be playrs will still take to bloggin, will still dedickate apropriate energys to creatin werfwhile blogskis, but will remain that rarity o raritys. What weell be missing, in this age o Twittring, are those fokes who might not be playrs when they entr th blogassfear, but who coud be coaxd inta cultivatin a dedickation to creative, collabrative shtick. Thems th ones who will be drawn so quickly to Nicholsonland that weell nevr get th chance to show em how much fun is to be had wif just a little bit o dvotion to craft.

And so if NETWERKIN is th model o bloggin that makes fer dull and eventualy lethargick bloggin, then what is th model that we PLAYRS advocate? Fokes, its bloggin as PRFORMANCE! Thats what weere all aboutski. Each blog-post shoud be a prformance, as shoud each coment on a blog-post. PRFORMANCE, fokes. Theres no PRFORMANCE in th diary-entry as such, no PRFORMANCE in th postin of a pitchr of a gardenscape or a drooly-facd kidski. Theres no PRFORMANCE in th postin of a coment that reads like a prsonal email from th comentr to th bloggr. Th blogassfear is a PUBLICK STAGE, fokes! That what its always and EXPLICITLY been at th Show and in th mind o Joey Polanski. If th ultimate goal o bloggin is jus netwerkin, and NOT prformance, then I cant figgr out why, once contackts are made, all cmmunickation btween th contackts dont take place thru private emails. Why bore th publick wif such stuff as is entirely unintresting to anyone who aint pluggd inta that part o th "netwerk"?

Viewd in this lightski, Ive somwhat alterd my opinion o private blogskis. Remembr th post that kickd off Year 3? There I mentiond a chick who was kinda witty, albeit disturbinly self-absorbd, who I kinda hopd might bring her ackt to th Polanski Show stage but who ended up flippin & floppin btween makin her blogski opm to th publick and makin it private for invitd readrs only. She ended up stickin wit th private blog thing, and I declared her to be, fer that reasn, rathr CLEARLY not Polanski Show material. Th whole idea o exclusivity seems so transparently haughty to me. And keepin clear o th rough & tumble of balls-out bloggin, hidin in a coccoon wif selecktd friendlys, seems so shamefully timid. I stand by em judgments, ocourse; but I guess now I can see a value to makin certain kindsa blogskis private -- most notably, th diary-blog that coud not possibly be of any intrest to anyone othr than (A) fokes who have sompm investd in a friendship wit th bloggr and (B) fokes who are diary-bloggrs emselfs and who hope to prchase th intrest o othrs by feignin intrest in th others diary-blogskis. By all means, lets make ALL EM BLOGSKIs private. Get em all th heck outta th reach o th NEXT BLOG buttn, so those o us searchin fer PRFORMANCE wont keep runnin inta th gardn-pics & th drooly-facd kidskis.

So weere PRFORMRs, fokes -- shtickmeistrs. And that means we got werk t do. Some o th werk we gots t do we been doin. Some o it is werk we aint been doin. If evn blog-coments are PRFORMANCE, then why do we somtimes ackt as if postin a coment is eithr a mere courtesy or th minimal dischargin o some obligation? When a playr publishs a post and I post a coment, have I done all my werk? Is th ball now in th bloggrs court, leavin me to wait till th nex post is publishd sos I can then post my obligatory coment onnit? Fokes, if bloggin is PRFORMANCE like Im sayin it is, then maybe I aint done all my werk if alls I do is post that one courtesy-coment each time one o my fellow playrs publishs a postski. Evry post -- evry well-craftd post, anyhow -- is a ongoin ockasion fer doin good shtick. Its a ockasion fer continuin to make sompm fun happm. Now I been as guilty as anyone o this coments as courtesys thing. But that was bfore I bcame cmpletely conscious o th ideas that bloggin genrally -- bloggin in EVRY aspeckt -- is PRFORMANCE, and that PLAYRs PLAY.

So a look back at four years o bloggin natchrly leads to lookin ahead to more. What if we all bcame spremely conscious o them two ideas -- BLOGGIN IS PRFORMANCE and PLAYRs PLAY? What woud th future then bring? Its werf thinkin about, cause Year 5 starts tmorrow.

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Or whenevr I post again.

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Assumin I post again.

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No predicktions, and no promises. Remembr?

Are we havin fun yet?

2009-07-08T10:17:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

I figgrd its best to ask, ya know?

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...

...

I mean ...

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...

... It sorta looks like we got us a few tards in th game.

a little tale

2009-07-01T07:44:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

TH SPECIAL CAT-HOUSE
By Joey Polanski
Entering, he beckond th hostess. As she struggld to free herself of a unruly bustle, he considerd his options. "Poker or liquor?", he wonderd aloud, "Whatll I try first? How best to flaunt this bloomin manhood o mine?" His right hand, which hed slid inta his pants-pocket, made its way inta th secret hole that was there, ensuring that his evr-growin wad didnt end up gettin pinchd. As th buxom hostess finaly approachd him, he pulld it out and extended it wif great effervescence.

"Ivor Atherhard-Willey," he bellowd by way of intrducktion, his voice so sonorous it causd th cat to raise its back and hiss bfore it coud evn see th looming threat at hand.

"Im so pleasd," th wide-eyd hostess said wif a smile, her grip suprisingly firm. And then, wif a quick curtsy, she added, "Mia Cox-Hucker -- your servant, sir. You coud not have pickd a bettr time to come."

"I wannad to come earlyer, but coudnt," explaind th wired Willey. "I bumpd inta my mothr-in-law and hadta try to keep this appointment o mine undr wraps as long as I coud."

Th worldly woman smild sympathetickly. "Well, lets see if we cant get you takn care of then," she chipprly chirpd.

"I undrstand yer daughtr has reservd a special place fer me," he began tentatively, performin again his little pocket ritual. Then, more assertively, he continued: "Look, its not a real big thing, but I blieve evn th smallest thing is werf pointin out. I dont wanna get stuck in some filthy hole, okay?" He pausd. "This place o yer daughtrs -- is it clean and cozy?"

"Clean and cozy?", repeatd th hostess, "Indeed it is! Upper Umpshire is sweetr than any spot thats evr seen th morning dew! No one whos evr put a foot there will evr ferget th warm wind that blows evry night."

"BOO-YAH!" he ejackulatd, sendin th cat flyin undr th sofa and inta a air-vent. Evn th experiencd Cox-Hucker was rockd by th violence o th eruption. But then, a strange calm came ovr him, and th room seemd somhow a little less full of him.

His face turnd serios as he thougt o th wad hed stuffd in his pants. He put it close to her ear and said in a hushd tone, "Im lookin fer a special kind o entrtainment. Did you know Henrietta Peter -- th short fat one wit th curly hair and freckles ... usualy stiff on th weekends ... a little limp when its cold?"

"No," she answrd wif equal seriosness, "I dont think 'Peter' quite rings a bell. But I think I know what yer lookin for. I can have Mike Cletus Knott ovr at yer place in about haff an hour."

Willey stiffend visibly, waverd a moment, and then slumpd ovr a bit and finaly snappd, "Dont bothr. I promisd myself Id nevr come fer anyone such as that." Then, as a conciliatory gesture, he bent down and pointd btween her legs, his eye spottin th opening that was clearly visible. "I do hope yer pussy isnt easily damagd," he whisperd, moving a little closr.

"Ha!" she laffd as she saw th little head disappear inta th hole, "Well, its probly seen bettr days, but Im sure th workout will only do it good."

Please dont confuse em!

2009-06-28T00:01:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Heres a Great Tit.

Heres a pretty great tit too.

Poemski: Th Polanski Catalog (Volume V) SPECIAL ... ummm ... GERBIL & CUCUMBR EDITION

2009-06-21T22:20:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Ovaltine, fokes. Lotsa Ovaltine. This is probly th longest post in th histry o The Joey Polanski Show. But you long-timrs know th drill. Yous can always read a Poemski volume a little bit at a time. Readin it all at once rquires lotsa time and lotsa patience. And lotsa Ovaltine. Bonox, if yer realy brave.

Kay. Here goes ...

(*a-HEMski!*)

Atlas Cerise, as usual, is rsponsible fer th graphick. Thanks, dudeski!
Nice gerbil. Nice cucumbr.

Well, I mighta prdicktd that thered be a flurry o poemin acktivity followin th publickation o Poemski IV, which was ovr a year in th makin. Aftr all, th sprint from 60 to th hunnert poemskis that filld that volume was made possible by Atlas Cerise -- stoopit ass that he is -- thinkin he coud go toe-t-toe wit th Mastr. Yeah. It seems that th poemin shoot-out is here to stay, cause there been plenny of it since Poemski IV was rleasd.

This gloryus dvelopment has creatd a need to change th principple bhind publickations o Poemski volumes. Usta be a Poemski volumed be publishd when th "count" (th numbr o Polanski poemskis postd since th previos volume) reachd a apropriate multipple o 10. Wit th prevalence o th poemin shoot-out, multipples o 10 whiz by WAY too fast to be sure a Poemski post can be propprly prepard & postd bfore th breakneck poemin flys past th desird multipple.

So Ive dcided that volumes o Poemski: Th Polanski Catalog will hencefort be publishd exackly twice a year. Therell be a Summr volume, publishd on th day o th summr solstice (June 20th or 21st); and therell be a Wintr volume, publishd on th day o th wintr solstice (Decembr 21st or 22nd) -- regardless o what th "count" happms t be on em dates.

Thisll have a coupla advantages. Firs, itll make sure that by th time a Poemski volume is publishd, fokesll probly have fergottn lotsa th poemskis that were postd in th earlyest days aftr th previos volume. Wif poemin shoot-outs bein all th rage now, if Poemski volumes were still being publishd evry time there were twenny Polanski poemskis postd, itd likely be that th oldest poemskis in th volume were postd only a coupla weeks prior. And then th earlyest poemskis in th volume woud hardly a-had a chance to fade in th minds o JPS readrs. (This is exasturbatd by th fackt that more & more th poemin is ockurrin right here at th Polanski Show, where anyone whos likly to be readin a Poemski volume woud probly awready a-read most o th poemskis innit. Makes it evn more importnt to allow plenny o time fer memrys to fadeski.)

Seckon, evry Polanski Show fan knows that th majr poemin event o th year is th Rasputin Expo on th first o each year (ovr at Tetherd Cow Ahead). My Rasputin poemin by itself is enough to fill a old-style Poemski volume -- evn a SPECIAL EXPANDED one. And so, by goin to th Summr / Wintr plan fer Poemski, weell be able to revisit Rasputin aftr six munts in Summr Poemski, and then herald th upcomin event in Wintr Poemski. Then, th Rasputin poemskis will sorta be th "kickoff" o th contents fer th next Summr Poemski volume.

Kay, then. Thats th planski. So lets get to th entrys in this, th firs volume o Summr Poemski.

Poemski IV: As always, we start wit th previos volume o Poemski. Here youll find 6 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Vixx, 1 from Cissy Strutt, 1 from Malach (a first!), 2 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from Casey, 1 from Colonel Colonel, and 2 from th Revrend Anaglyph. Skip th post and jus read TH COMMENTS.

Chic: Back when th elecktion-seasn was in full swing and Tina Fey & her Sarah Palin impression were all th rage, a post at Colonel Colonels promptd a pair o poemskis, 1 from Polanski & 1 from th Colonel, relatin to th werd 'chic'. Th post is calld Question-.

Spidr: Evry now & thenski, I poem alone. Heres a poemski I attachd to a post ovr at th Revrend Anaglyphs place. Th post is calld Eensy Weensy.

Pooprs: Back here at th Show, a post I wrote featurin three hot pieces o ass promptd quite a bit o poemin. Here youll find 5 poemskis from Polanski, 6 from Atlas Cerise, 2 from Vixxie, 1 from Cissy Strutt, 1 from Cocovan, and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld allitteration pracktice.

Mo Monky Stuff: Cissy Strutts post about a beautyful Sunday morning led to a typickle Atlas - Polanski shoot-out, which (fer whatevr reasn) ended up havin a lot t do wif monkys. Here youll find 5 poemskis from Polanski, 5 from Atlas Cerise, and 2 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld rosy fingered dawn.

Losrs: A quick poemski likening John McCain to past presdential flopskis promptd a poemski from th Colonel, which calld fer a reply from Polanski. So here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld ahhh ... th sweet smell o slidin land ....

Paintd Ladys: I took a pitchr of a bug on a flowr, and this was enough t get some poemin goin. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 4 from Atlas Cerise¹, and 2 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld Moff.

Th Shits: Atlas got sick -- sickr than normal, I mean -- and he wrot a poesmki about it. Vixxie tossd in a poemski too. But when I unleashd mineski, it led to a classick Atlanski show. Here youll find 11 poemskis from Polanski, 11 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Vixxie. [TH HOMELAND SECURITY DVISION O POLANSKI SHOW INVESTIGATIONS (PSI) INTERRUPPS THIS POEMSKI PROMO TO ANNOUNCE THAT TH GERBIL & CUCUMBR THREAT LEVL HAS BEEN RAISD TO REDski.] Kay, fokes ... You know th drillski. Duck & fuckin covr! Th post is calld Sick Daze.

Flowry Quackry Poot: Cissy Strutt postd a pitchr of a flowry bush, and that touchd off a old-sckool poem-fest involvin four playrs. This is among my favorit poemin-sequences -- lotsa laffs, and lotsa poetick ripostes. Here youll find 7 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Colonel Colonel, 4 from Cissy Strutt, and 4 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Bougainvillea spectabilis redux.

Bible Verse: Ocourse a post ovr at Old Fish and Lemonade about Atlases sppposed innrview wif God woud spark a mid-sizd Atlanski shoot-out. Here, youll find 6 poemskis from Polanski, 4 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from one othr. Th post is calld My Interview with God.

Puff-fucka: Cissy Strutt postd a pitchr o th top of a tall pointy building. That was enough to get th poemin startd. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 1 (borrowd) from Cissy Strutt, and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld pointy.

Shemp: My little memorial markin th annivrsry o th death o Shemp calld forth some poemin from -- Who else? -- Atlanski. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 4 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld a nation still mourns ....

Shafthole: A quick & enigmatick post at Old Fish and Lemonade aroun th Thanksgivin hollyday led to a strange Atlanski contest. It startd wit th usual jousting, then yielded a coupla humorous hollyday poemskis bfore goin back to th gross shit. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Well?

Jan. 20, 2009: About a munth bfore Inauguration Day, Atlas Cerise publishd a post about heightend security at th upcomin Inauguration events. That inspird a coupla poemskis from me & a couple from Atlas. Th post is calld Inauguration Distress.

Gettin It Up: As th year was comin to a close, twas time t start thinkin bout ... yknow ... RASPUTIN! Th Revrend, our annual Rasputin host, publishd a post linkin intrestd readrs to TH RULES O TH GAMEski. Now you migt think that wif a monumental poemin event comin up, we who plannd t be on th field migt rfrain from doin any poemin -- especialy RASPUTIN-orientd poemin -- in th days leadin up to it. But fokes, poemrs like me & th Revrend & Atlas, -- we were BORN t write Rasputin poemskis! Thats hows come we shot off a few ubm on th Rules postski. Nfackt, I think this is among my favorit poemin sequences too. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post, ocourse, is calld The Rules.

Savd: My Christmas post promptd a poetick twirl from me & Atlas. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld jus in time.

PPI: Shortly aftr Christmas, I publishd a post inspird by a unfortunate ockasion on which I made th mistake o takin a trip to th grocry wit this chick I know. Anothr twirl: 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld comprable.

RIPE IV: Fer those o you thats ignerant, 'RIPE' is a ackronym (coind by Atlas Cerise) fer "Rasputin Intrnational Poetry Exibition." And yeah ... th latest one was th fourth. It all startd on January 1, 2006, and its been a annual New Years Day thing at Tetherd Cow Ahead evr sinceski. And fokes, th event keeps gettin biggr & bettr each year. RIPE IV had its challenges, bcause th Revrend publishd a post that placed Rasputins dick in a ... ummm ... a rathr complex situation. So prhaps it aint all that suprisin that turnout was low. All but one o th rookies from RIPE III dcided not to play their sophmore seasn; but IV saw at least three rookies take th field. And, ocourse, evryone who postd poemskis at all prior RIPE events -- th Tryd-n-True Trio of Atlas Cerise (known at RIPE I & II as JediMacFan), Cissy Strutt, and yer very favorit Polack -- turnd in multipple efferts at IV. Nfackt, me & Atlas were atchualy pretty cnvincd that turnout woud be low fer IV (call it "poemrs intuition"); and so we were READY. Outta th EIGHTY poemskis postd at IV, only 16 ubm were NOT Atlanski creations. So ... do some aritmatick, fokes. That means Atlanski accountd fer 64 o them eighty. And OH, how I laffd! I coudnta imagind anything evr toppin th RIPE III extravaganza from 2008; but fokes, this sure DIDski! Dspite th low turnout and th challenging post, I think IV set a new standard thats gonna be dangd hard to top in 2010. Nfackt, I nominatd five o Atlases poemskis fer special reckonition (but I hear tryin to get a prize outta th Revrend is a little like tryin to get a pickle outta a herring). Kay. I prattld on long enough. Lets get to em. Here youll find 37 poemskis from Polanski, 27 from Atlas Cerise, 5 from th Revrend Anaglyph, 3 from Cissy Strutt, 1 from Anne Arkham, and 7 from 4 othrs. Th post is calld Jurassic Pork.

RIPE IV.1: And, ocourse, me & Atlas, as ... ummm ... co-foundrs (along wit th Revrend) o th RIPE event, make a point o publishin posts at our rspecktive blogskis t make sure any o our readrs who dont awready frequent Tetherd Cow will know about it. Atlases post drew a poemski from me. Th post is calld It's Up.

RIPE IV.2: My RIPE-announcment drew a poemski from me. Th post is calld on th road again.

Peppr: A strange January 2 tradition has emergd at The Joey Polanski Show. Fer whatevr reasn, that seems t be Midget-Peppr Day. This years post drew a poemski from Polanski and a poemski from Buzzardbilly. Th post is calld jolly green obligatory-munchkin-peppr-postski.

Un-PC: Atlas Cerises poemski about Obama diggin Mac computrs promptd a coupla poemskis from me, and one more from Atlas. Th post is calld A Macnificent Anniversary.

Blue Balls: I publishd a post about my Galilean thermometr, and it somhow inspird a lot o poemskis about paintin -- and anothr among my favorit poemin sequences. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 3 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld like sompm straight outta Mysterious Corner.

War Bling: I publishd a post about a Civl War book I was readin, and that led to a double-twirl from Atlanski -- 2 poemskis from me and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld impolitickly correckt.

SIR, YES, SIR: And speakin o war, Atlas soon publishd a post portrayin him & me as ol Vietnam war buddies. That led to anothr among my favorit poemin sequences. Th result of th back-n-fort poemin almost reads as a single multi-stanza poemski from Atlanski -- soundin like some kinda X-ratd rendition o "The Night Before Christmas" -- but wifout th Christmas, ocourse, and wit th usual efforts at one-upsmanship. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld War Buddies.

FluttrButt: Fans o Poemski surely have realizd that th vast majority o Polanski poemskis are postd as coments. Only very seldom does a JPS postski cntain a poemski. Such a rarity ockurrd on th firs day o Spring, when I postd a poemski about a buttrfly comin in fer a soft landing. This touchd off a pretty fervent Atlanski expo. Here youll find 8 poemskis from Polanski and 7 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Spring Shwing.

D'oh: We all know Atlas cant write a poemski t save his dangd life. But he is fair-to-middlin when it comes to Photoshop creations. Fer one o his sckool-projeckts, he had t create all th imagry and emblemry fer a ficktional compny all his ownski. And so he (or whoevr he got t do his work for im) came up wif INGENUITI, a nukelr powr compny; and he postd all th imagry & emblemry at Old Fish and Lemonade. That, ocourse, ockasiond a few Homer-relatd poemskis. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld Ingenuiti: The Power to Be.

Big-Top Pee-Pee: This was a most pleasant suprise ovr at Tetherd Cow Ahead. Th Revrend publishs a post about th need fer a auto-correckt funcktion in evryday handwritin, and th coments-secktion reaches th count o 30 bfore the poemin starts, and th poemin takes th coments-count up alla way up to 70! This heres anothr among my favorit poemin-sequences -- and a rathr funny coments-secktion ovrall. Enjoy th read, fokes, where youll find 9 poemskis from Polanski, 10 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 3 from one othr.² Th post is calld Bach in a Minuet.

Th Ockasional Verse: This heres ANOTHR wondrful suprise! Atlas publishd a very quick post at Old Fish and Lemonade that refrencd poemin and refrencd Rasputin. Twas a cinch that woud attrackt some poemskis. Th post included a pitchr of a book-covr, displayin th title Poems For Occasions. So, ocourse, th poemskis that comd in were intended as poemskis that migt be recitd on some idennifyable "ockasion" or in some reckonizable (and usualy rpeatable) situation. And, as luck woud have it, th firs poemski that comd in was from yours truly and was in th form of a limerick; and, happily, it seems like th limerick thus bcame th official form fer a "Ockasional" poemski, cause all th othr poemskis that comd in aftr that have, so far, been limericks too. But heres th wondrus thingski: As simple as th post was in itself, it cntaind a kind o genyus. It was a call fer poemskis that had a definit theme that allowd at th same time fer a rathr considrable flexibility. It seemd t me a shame that such a post migt garnr a fairly healfy heap o poemskis, and then fade inta histry bfore its full potential coud be realizd. And th post hardly seemd like "rpeatable shtick" -- like sompm that coud be trottd out again and again. I mean, trottin it out evn a seckon time woud seem like instant OVRKILL -- milkin th shtick fer all its werf. So I, bein th genyus and th influential fuckr that I amski, suggestd to Atlas that he sorta make that post a "prpetual" post -- opm 24 / 7 / 365. Thatd rquire a nicely craftd & prominently displayd sidebar buttn takin fokes direckly to th PFO postski -- prhaps wit th added bonus o some HTML code that othr fokes coud use so as t put th same buttn in their own sidebars. Well ... Atlas is at least smart enough t reckonize genyus when he sees it; and so th prpetual poemin post was bornski. I got th buttn up in my sidebar. It looks like this:

Click it (in th sidebar) and itll take ya right to th post, where you can read th poemskis, post some o yer ownski, and evn copy th code and get a buttn fer yer own sidebar. This post will probly get linkd again and again in many future volumes o Poemski, since its a dangd good bet that Ill keep tossin in entrys aftr publishin this here volume. But as o this posting, there youll find 30 poemskis from Polanski,³ 4 from th Revrend Anaglyph, 25 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from Cissy Strutt, and 3 from three othrs. Th post is calld I'm Gonna Write My Own.

Th Vitamizr: Th Revrend wrot a post about some nutritional mirackle calld a Vitamizr, and this led to a few fun poemskis about ... well ... mop fishs and such. Yeah, I aint sure what a mop fish is eithr, but aparently its sompm th Revrends mom usta make im eat when he was, yknow, a wee sproutski. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld Liquid Assets.

Snake Charming: Heres me poemin alone, on a post Atlas wrote about his favorit passtime -- hypnotizin his lizzerd. Here youll find 2 Polanski poemskis. Th post is calld (*wait fer it*) How to Hypnotize a Lizard.

Fas Foodski: My post about a local restarants hypothetickle motto promptd a quick poemin duel btween me & Colonel Colonel -- 2 poemskis apiece. Th post is calld ... where our motto is ...

Theyre Shitty: Jobu helps take fear from th Cleveland Indians batskis, sos them fuckrs can hit curveballs. When Jobu postd a limerick about th trials o th Tribe, I jus hadta respond wif one o my ownski -- 1 apiece, from me and Jobu. Th post is calld Jobu Hate Texas.

Eastr in Australier: Me & Atlas included some lil-known fackts about Australier in our pair o poemskis at Tethered Cow Ahead. Th post is calld Easter Parade.

Rock-n-Rollski: Th third post in my "Wif Commentary" series led to quite a few poemskis about chicks & musick. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 3 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld FREECREDITREPORT.COM Dream Girl Song (wif commentary) ...

Wood -n- Chest: Th Revrend wrot a post about some Ruskie who had a problem wif his lung and it turnd out he had a tree growin in it. This talk of Russia, surgry, and WOOD led to poemin that came dangerously close to Rasputinizing! Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 2 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld Good News! It's not Cancer, it's a TREE!.

My Homunckulette: YAAAAAYYYyyyyy! Yall remembr my homunckulette, dontcha? Atlas went on a friggin poemin spree here. None o th rest o us coud keep up wit im. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 10 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Jobu. Th post is calld a day in th life o my homunckulette.

DADski: Herman AINT my dadski! But hes werf a few poemskis at Old Fish and Lemonade. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Herman.

Goin Down: Hey, I bet you guys didnt know that th Revrend Anaglyph gots a seckon blogski -- a blogski OTHR than Tetherd Cow Ahead. Its calld Hello From Hell, and its been up as a standing gag since as far back as I known th Revrend. Anyhow, me & Atlas figgrd itd be fun t post some poemskis there, & see if we coud get th Revrend t join in. This turnd out t be challenging in a rathr fun way, since we bofe kinda realizd that th poemskis hadta be dark rathr than rawnchy, and still witty bsides. I think we comd up wif some pretty goodns. And yeah, th Revrend DID join in, and wrot probly th best poemski o th bunch. This little dance is a rare jewl. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph. Th post is calld (ocourse, since its th only post on th blogski so far) Hello From Hell!

More Snake Charming: Cissy Strutt wrot a post about snakes onna plane gettin gassd. Me & Atlas, ocourse, had no problem tossin in a snake-poemski apiece. Th post is calld where was Mister Jackson?

Wine & Twat: HAHAHAHA! This is anothr post at Tetherd Cow Ahead where th poemin came in late, kinda as a aftrthougt, and yielded some pretty big laffs. Th Revrend askd for it, by voicin a expecktation o "poerrhea" from me & Atlas. Hadta oblige, ocourse! But th Revrends poemski is truly ACES! Stole th show, much as he did on th Hell post! Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Fruity, With a Slight Nose of Fish.

Tennessee Pride: Mike, ovr at Tongue In Check, gamme a real nice send-up on a post late in April. He done a take on my "Please dont confuse em" shtick, annit had sompm t do wif Tennessee. I paid my rspeckts in turn wif a rturn "Please dont confuse em" / Tennessee post. That brougt in a smattring a poemskis. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Cocovan, 1 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Jobu. Th post is calld (ocourse) Please dont confuse em!

Birds: Anothr o Cissy Strutts nature photos promptd some poemskis about birdskis. Mine involvd a gag well-known to long-time readrs o Tetherd Cow Ahead. "A ducks quack doesnt echo." We all know that aint true -- th Revrend, a exspurt in sound, done told us it aint. Sadly fer th Revrend, its a heckuva lot funnyer t sppose that it is. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Threskiornis aethiopicus redux.

Double Penetration: Anothr Cissy Strutt nature photo, and anothr among my favorit poemin sequences. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld rooted.

Thrashin o th Christ: As April was comin to a end, I wrot a post about these othr gospels that aint included in th Bible, and how some ubm cntain storys about th Lord Jesus gettin pissd off at his playmates & croakin em. Aint no suprise that THAT calld forth some poemin. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 4 from Colonel Colonel, 1 from Cissy Strutt, and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld My Sweet Lord.

Shtick-Stealin: Mikes send-up o th JPS and my homage in rturn resurrecktd fokeses intrest in shtick-grabbin. Sara Sue grabbd a little shtick-grabbin shtick from Mike, and grabbd a little Polanski shtick and a little Atlas shtick as well, thus creatin a pretty funny "Please dont confuse em" post o her ownski! Fer a while, th funski in th coments-secktion was livly enough to recall bygone days in th blogassfear. I tryd droppin in a poemski, but was a lone voice in th wildrness. Th post is calld Stealing Schtick -- I Have No Shame.

CC fer Cissy: On el Sinko de Myjoe, Cissy Strutt publishd her 200th post at Ginger Stick. That promptd poetick nods from me, and Colonel Colonel, and Atlas Cerise. Ciss tossd in a poemski herself. Th post is calld two hundred.

Rhyme Scene: Heres anothr o them rare instances when a Polanski Show post cntains a poemski. This drew a fair numbr o poemski-coments from a pretty full field. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Colonel Colonel, 1 from Mike (a EXTREME rarity), 2 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph (ANOTHR gem from th Revrend -- defnitely th best o th bunch), and 1 from Buzzardbilly. Th post is calld jus right.

Birfday Bush: Cissys post recallin a recent birfday gala promptd a few poemskis. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Cissy. Th post is calld tree mendous.

Sauceski: I aint nevr been a huge fan o haiku, cuz to me it jus dont involve th challenge o real witty versifickation. But I sppose haiku coud be a pretty good vehickle fer dliverin a decent one-linr. So I intrducd what weell call th Joeku. Thisns about psghetti sauceski. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 3 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Cocovan. Th post is calld Joeku.

eClaire: Atlas gots th hots fer Emilie de Ravin. He loves th fackt that shes Australian. Ms de Ravin probly loves it that shes Australian too. Pacifick Ocean bein where it is, aint no need fer her to seek a restraining ordr. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Not Lost for Long.

Chastity Boner: I guess its kinda strange that there aint been much poemski acktion ovr at Mikes Tongue In Check ovr th years. Cissy & me done tossd in a poemski apiece back when Mike was about t have surgry a year ago or so; and I figgrd its time th TIC crowd get anothr dose o th stuff. What bettr post coud I a-askd for than Mikes suggestion that Chastity Bonos sex-change surgry woud make her inta th spittin image of a fat Val Kilmer? Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski. Th post is calld Separated At Birth.

Nurse Myra: Nurse Myra is a friend o th Revrend Anaglyph. She gots a blogski calld Gimcrack Hospital. Longtime readrs o The Joey Polanski Show will reckonize th name o Nurse Myra, as she playd a importnt role in th inception o th cherishd Rasputin poemin party. Twas th pic that woud become her avatar, as reveald by th Revrend, that inspird th very first Rasputin poemski! And th rest, as they say, is hystericks! But th story o th Rasputin Inagural is a old story. Yeah, its a GREAT story, and its a story that I nevr get tired o tellin; but its old news. Th new news is Nurse Myra and Gimcrack Hospital. Ive known about th Gimcrack fer a few years now; but only recently did I learn that I coud post coments there wifout leavin a email address (at least when Im signd inta WordPress). And, ocourse, in my first Gimcrack apearance, I done postd a poemski. Nurse Myra publishd a postski about a old childrens book that had pitchrs of peepees and pubies innit. Yeah ... I know ... NOT th sort o thing youd expeckt me to waste my poemin talent on. But when Nurse Myra mentiond a pitchr of a lady wif a pube-bugle, well ... that REALY put me in touch wif my Museski. But heres th REALY good news, fokes: Nurse Myra is a PLAYR! She plays at th Gimcrack; she plays at th Polanski Show; and she evn plays at Joey's Hole. (And we TCAers awready know she plays at th Tetherd Cow.) And so, givn her spunk & wit, and th nawty & clevr content o her blogski, Im atchualy addin a linkski to th JPS links-listski -- sompm I probly aint done fer a coupla years now. (Mostly, I been nixin linkskis lately.) And so I urge yall to check out -- or check into -- Gimcrack Hospital. If ya like th rough-n-tumble -- and I know ya do -- youll be glad ya did. Oh, yeah ... I almost fergot to link ya to my poemski about th twat-tootr. Its th lone poemski attachd to a post calld never trust a boy doctor.

Witherd Bits: Here at th Show, my follow-up to th post about th Lord Jesus killin kids also inspird some poemin. Here youll find 7 poemskis from Polanski and 12 from Atlas. Th post is calld th small witherd membr o th Lord.

iPhone: Atlas, ocourse, was jerkin off when th new iPhone came out. Evn werse, he was spewin his usual bad poetry. I hadta join in to elevate th tone a little. Here youll find 5 poemski from Polanski, 5 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Nurse Myra. Th post is calld 48 Hours.

Yul Be Suprisd: Awready! More poemin at Nurse Myras! Nurse Myra told us that yer spermskis will be toughr if only you look at nekkid pitchrs o Yul Brynner. My spermskis mus be pretty flabby, cuz th only exercise I get are these poemickle swordfights wif Atlas. Here youll find 6 poemskis from Polanski, 6 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 (borrowd) from 1 othr. Th post is calld improve your sperm count the manly way.

So there ya have it fokes! By my count, thats 232 Polanski poemskis and 269 Poemskis from othrs -- 501 poemskis in all, ockurrin at 56 diffrent postskis on 10 diffrent blogskis (includin JPS), by 20 diffrent poemrs (includin JP).

-----
ADDENDUH:

Reruns: A coupla th postskis that were linkd in Poemski IV were still drawin in poemin efferts aftr Poemski IV was publishd. Specifickly, 2 came in from Polanski, 2 came in from Atlas Cerise, and 1 came in from Colonel Colonel. You can read em extra poemskis HERE, and HERE.

Lost Babys: Unfortunatly, one o th BEST Atlanski showdowns in th blogassfear got oblitteratd in a egregious ackt by a bloggr who oviously dont know th value o great artski. She wiped her blogski clean of all publishd postskis and startd ovr. Gone fer good was a Atlas - Polanski punch-up involvin 9 poemskis apiece -- a cracklin toe-to-toe scrapski. Happily, my 9 poemskis all got writtn down in th oficial Joey Polanski Show notebook; and so Im able to re-post em ovr at Joey's Hole. In emselfs, I think theyre pretty funny; but there was a greatr humor in th back-n-forth, and that, sadly, I cant recovr for yas. Anyhowski, th poemskis were attachd to a post calld "The Fruit of God," which linkd to a YouTube vid that many o yous probly seen, suggestin that a banana is proof that God exists. Atlas then postd a coment sayin he is a atheist. That promptd th first o my 9 poemskis, touchin off that 18-poem exchange. You can read MY side o th exchange HEREski.

So now what we gots in this first volume o Summr Poemski is a totl o 515 poemskis, 243 by yer very favorit Polack.

¹ If yer wondrin why there are only 3 (rathr than 4) poemskis from Atlas Cerise attachd to th "Moff" postski, its cause Atlas had to dlete one o his. Dletin it was part o th comick genyus of it. Wif Atlases prmission, I resurreckt it hereski:

A conundrum for Poemski V

Which almost is completed

Here's a poem you can't use

Because it's been deleted!

² If th counts seem off to ya here, thats cuz one o Atlases poemskis was mistaknly credditd to ME. Jus look for th poemski that looks like it was writ by me, but souns shitty enough to a-been writ by Atlas. Aint hard t spot. Atlas is quick to wanna take creddit for it -- th poor bastrd.

³ One o my poemskis here is postd undr a pseudonymski. Yeah, I know ... Thanks, Capm Ovious.

th small witherd membr o th Lord

2009-06-15T16:07:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Hey, fokes, remembr that post I publishd a while back, where I toldjas about how therer all kindsa ancient books about th Lord Jesus bsides th ones thatr cntaind in th New Testament, and I mentiond specifickly a book calld The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST and included a passage that tells how th Lord Jesus, when he was a boy, woud ockasionaly get pissd off at some othr kid who was, like, bein a dick, and th Lord Jesus woud issue some kinda scolding & then th kid who was bein a dick woud, like, jus sorta keel ovr & croakski?

Remembr that? If ya dont, you can go back & read it right HEREski.

Yeah, th main story there was about some Jew kid who tryd to wreck some little pools that th Lord Jesus made while he was playin in th mud. Firs, th Lord Jesus playd a gag on th kid -- made all th watr in th pools run away bfore th kid coud wreck th pools -- and then, whilst th little Jew bastrd was standin there dumfounded, th Lord ... yknow ... jus offd im.

Well, seems theres anothr ancient book about th Lord Jesus that gots innit a similar story. This book is calld THOMAS'S GOSPEL of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. In this version o th story, howevr, certain importnt details are diffrent. Seems ol Thomas says th Lord Jesus aint nearly so harsh in his dealings wif dickish little Hebes.

Heres how th story goes, at th beginning o Chaptr II:

¹Besides this, the son of Anna the scribe was standing there with Joseph, and took a bough of a willow tree, and scattered the waters which Jesus had gathered into lakes. ²But the boy Jesus seeing what he had done, became angry, and said to him, Thou fool, what harm did the lake do thee, that thou shouldest scatter the water? ³Behold, now thou shalt wither as a tree, and shalt not bring forth either leaves, or branches, or fruit. ⁴And immediately he became withered all over. ⁵Then Jesus went away home. But the parents of the boy who was withered, lamenting the misfortune of his youth, took him and carried him to Joseph, accusing him, and said, Why dost thou keep a son who is guilty of such actions? ⁶Then Jesus at the request of all who were present did heal him, leaving only some small member to continue withered, that they might take warning.

Im always happy to enlightn you fokes.

And now, since it apears that my membr is in good standing wit th Lord, Im gonna go look at some blessit virgin websites I realy like.

-- Th Holy Pole

Joeku

2009-06-09T09:04:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

If you can pour it,

You didnt make it quite right.

Psghetti sauce PLOPS.

... where our motto is ...

2009-06-08T00:49:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

"Clogs simply melt away ... or SEEM TO, anyhow."

Three Words in Passing

2009-06-06T00:41:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

THREE WORDS IN PASSING
a 5-seckon play in One Ackt
by Eugene O'Polanski

CAST O CHARACKTRS

ONCOMING CYCLIST -- Burly, approaching fat. Helmetd. Sunglassesd.
CYCLING JOE -- Dashing, a Polack. Bandannad.

ACKT I(Th curtain rises, rvealin a short stretch o bike-trail. Birds are chirpin. Th sun is shinin. At stage left entrs ONCOMING CYCLIST, astride a nondescript nag of a bike, toolin happily along th trail. Then, at stage right entrs CYCLING JOE, astride a fearsome beast, travlin at a clip that threatns t make a fool outta Einstein. Th two cyclists approach one anothr. And, as they pass ...)

CYCLING JOE (to ONCOMING CYCLIST): Howdy.

ONCOMING CYCLIST (to CYCLING JOE): Ciao.

CYCLING JOE (to no one in prtickular): Gay.

(As CYCLING JOE exits at stage left, ONCOMING CYCLIST exits at stage right. Birds are chirpin. Th sun is shinin. Th curtain descends.)

THE ENDski

Hung Fu?

2009-06-04T09:47:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Yall probly heard th news awready.

Theres one less Carradine in th Carradine clanski.

Howevr, PSI (Polanski Show Investigations) is reportin that there still aint no fewr chinks in China, since our exspurts on th Far East have learnt that David Carradine wudnt a real chink.

And, as lessr investigative bodys look inta th mattr o whethr Mr Carradine hung imself in a hotel room in Thailand or whethr he died o natchrl causes, PSI is werkin diligently to address a far more pressin question ...

...

...

...

Is Skolnick okay?