Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Ovaltine, fokes. Lotsa Ovaltine. This is probly th longest post in th histry o The Joey Polanski Show. But you long-timrs know th drill. Yous can always read a Poemski volume a little bit at a time. Readin it all at once rquires lotsa time and lotsa patience. And lotsa Ovaltine. Bonox, if yer realy brave.
Kay. Here goes ...
Atlas Cerise, as usual, is rsponsible fer th graphick. Thanks, dudeski!
Nice gerbil. Nice cucumbr.
Well, I mighta prdicktd that thered be a flurry o poemin acktivity followin th publickation o Poemski IV, which was ovr a year in th makin. Aftr all, th sprint from 60 to th hunnert poemskis that filld that volume was made possible by Atlas Cerise -- stoopit ass that he is -- thinkin he coud go toe-t-toe wit th Mastr. Yeah. It seems that th poemin shoot-out is here to stay, cause there been plenny of it since Poemski IV was rleasd.
This gloryus dvelopment has creatd a need to change th principple bhind publickations o Poemski volumes. Usta be a Poemski volumed be publishd when th "count" (th numbr o Polanski poemskis postd since th previos volume) reachd a apropriate multipple o 10. Wit th prevalence o th poemin shoot-out, multipples o 10 whiz by WAY too fast to be sure a Poemski post can be propprly prepard & postd bfore th breakneck poemin flys past th desird multipple.
So Ive dcided that volumes o Poemski: Th Polanski Catalog will hencefort be publishd exackly twice a year. Therell be a Summr volume, publishd on th day o th summr solstice (June 20th or 21st); and therell be a Wintr volume, publishd on th day o th wintr solstice (Decembr 21st or 22nd) -- regardless o what th "count" happms t be on em dates.
Thisll have a coupla advantages. Firs, itll make sure that by th time a Poemski volume is publishd, fokesll probly have fergottn lotsa th poemskis that were postd in th earlyest days aftr th previos volume. Wif poemin shoot-outs bein all th rage now, if Poemski volumes were still being publishd evry time there were twenny Polanski poemskis postd, itd likely be that th oldest poemskis in th volume were postd only a coupla weeks prior. And then th earlyest poemskis in th volume woud hardly a-had a chance to fade in th minds o JPS readrs. (This is exasturbatd by th fackt that more & more th poemin is ockurrin right here at th Polanski Show, where anyone whos likly to be readin a Poemski volume woud probly awready a-read most o th poemskis innit. Makes it evn more importnt to allow plenny o time fer memrys to fadeski.)
Seckon, evry Polanski Show fan knows that th majr poemin event o th year is th Rasputin Expo on th first o each year (ovr at Tetherd Cow Ahead). My Rasputin poemin by itself is enough to fill a old-style Poemski volume -- evn a SPECIAL EXPANDED one. And so, by goin to th Summr / Wintr plan fer Poemski, weell be able to revisit Rasputin aftr six munts in Summr Poemski, and then herald th upcomin event in Wintr Poemski. Then, th Rasputin poemskis will sorta be th "kickoff" o th contents fer th next Summr Poemski volume.
Kay, then. Thats th planski. So lets get to th entrys in this, th firs volume o Summr Poemski.
- Poemski IV: As always, we start wit th previos volume o Poemski. Here youll find 6 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Vixx, 1 from Cissy Strutt, 1 from Malach (a first!), 2 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from Casey, 1 from Colonel Colonel, and 2 from th Revrend Anaglyph. Skip th post and jus read TH COMMENTS.
- Chic: Back when th elecktion-seasn was in full swing and Tina Fey & her Sarah Palin impression were all th rage, a post at Colonel Colonels promptd a pair o poemskis, 1 from Polanski & 1 from th Colonel, relatin to th werd 'chic'. Th post is calld Question-.
- Spidr: Evry now & thenski, I poem alone. Heres a poemski I attachd to a post ovr at th Revrend Anaglyphs place. Th post is calld Eensy Weensy.
- Pooprs: Back here at th Show, a post I wrote featurin three hot pieces o ass promptd quite a bit o poemin. Here youll find 5 poemskis from Polanski, 6 from Atlas Cerise, 2 from Vixxie, 1 from Cissy Strutt, 1 from Cocovan, and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld allitteration pracktice.
- Mo Monky Stuff: Cissy Strutts post about a beautyful Sunday morning led to a typickle Atlas - Polanski shoot-out, which (fer whatevr reasn) ended up havin a lot t do wif monkys. Here youll find 5 poemskis from Polanski, 5 from Atlas Cerise, and 2 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld rosy fingered dawn.
- Losrs: A quick poemski likening John McCain to past presdential flopskis promptd a poemski from th Colonel, which calld fer a reply from Polanski. So here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld ahhh ... th sweet smell o slidin land ....
- Paintd Ladys: I took a pitchr of a bug on a flowr, and this was enough t get some poemin goin. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 4 from Atlas Cerise1, and 2 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld Moff.
- Th Shits: Atlas got sick -- sickr than normal, I mean -- and he wrot a poesmki about it. Vixxie tossd in a poemski too. But when I unleashd mineski, it led to a classick Atlanski show. Here youll find 11 poemskis from Polanski, 11 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Vixxie. [TH HOMELAND SECURITY DVISION O POLANSKI SHOW INVESTIGATIONS (PSI) INTERRUPPS THIS POEMSKI PROMO TO ANNOUNCE THAT TH GERBIL & CUCUMBR THREAT LEVL HAS BEEN RAISD TO REDski.] Kay, fokes ... You know th drillski. Duck & fuckin covr! Th post is calld Sick Daze.
- Flowry Quackry Poot: Cissy Strutt postd a pitchr of a flowry bush, and that touchd off a old-sckool poem-fest involvin four playrs. This is among my favorit poemin-sequences -- lotsa laffs, and lotsa poetick ripostes. Here youll find 7 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Colonel Colonel, 4 from Cissy Strutt, and 4 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Bougainvillea spectabilis redux.
- Bible Verse: Ocourse a post ovr at Old Fish and Lemonade about Atlases sppposed innrview wif God woud spark a mid-sizd Atlanski shoot-out. Here, youll find 6 poemskis from Polanski, 4 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from one othr. Th post is calld My Interview with God.
- Puff-fucka: Cissy Strutt postd a pitchr o th top of a tall pointy building. That was enough to get th poemin startd. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 1 (borrowd) from Cissy Strutt, and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld pointy.
- Shemp: My little memorial markin th annivrsry o th death o Shemp calld forth some poemin from -- Who else? -- Atlanski. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 4 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld a nation still mourns ....
- Shafthole: A quick & enigmatick post at Old Fish and Lemonade aroun th Thanksgivin hollyday led to a strange Atlanski contest. It startd wit th usual jousting, then yielded a coupla humorous hollyday poemskis bfore goin back to th gross shit. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Well?
- Jan. 20, 2009: About a munth bfore Inauguration Day, Atlas Cerise publishd a post about heightend security at th upcomin Inauguration events. That inspird a coupla poemskis from me & a couple from Atlas. Th post is calld Inauguration Distress.
- Gettin It Up: As th year was comin to a close, twas time t start thinkin bout ... yknow ... RASPUTIN! Th Revrend, our annual Rasputin host, publishd a post linkin intrestd readrs to TH RULES O TH GAMEski. Now you migt think that wif a monumental poemin event comin up, we who plannd t be on th field migt rfrain from doin any poemin -- especialy RASPUTIN-orientd poemin -- in th days leadin up to it. But fokes, poemrs like me & th Revrend & Atlas, -- we were BORN t write Rasputin poemskis! Thats hows come we shot off a few ubm on th Rules postski. Nfackt, I think this is among my favorit poemin sequences too. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post, ocourse, is calld The Rules.
- Savd: My Christmas post promptd a poetick twirl from me & Atlas. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld jus in time.
- PPI: Shortly aftr Christmas, I publishd a post inspird by a unfortunate ockasion on which I made th mistake o takin a trip to th grocry wit this chick I know. Anothr twirl: 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld comprable.
- RIPE IV: Fer those o you thats ignerant, 'RIPE' is a ackronym (coind by Atlas Cerise) fer "Rasputin Intrnational Poetry Exibition." And yeah ... th latest one was th fourth. It all startd on January 1, 2006, and its been a annual New Years Day thing at Tetherd Cow Ahead evr sinceski. And fokes, th event keeps gettin biggr & bettr each year. RIPE IV had its challenges, bcause th Revrend publishd a post that placed Rasputins dick in a ... ummm ... a rathr complex situation. So prhaps it aint all that suprisin that turnout was low. All but one o th rookies from RIPE III dcided not to play their sophmore seasn; but IV saw at least three rookies take th field. And, ocourse, evryone who postd poemskis at all prior RIPE events -- th Tryd-n-True Trio of Atlas Cerise (known at RIPE I & II as JediMacFan), Cissy Strutt, and yer very favorit Polack -- turnd in multipple efferts at IV. Nfackt, me & Atlas were atchualy pretty cnvincd that turnout woud be low fer IV (call it "poemrs intuition"); and so we were READY. Outta th EIGHTY poemskis postd at IV, only 16 ubm were NOT Atlanski creations. So ... do some aritmatick, fokes. That means Atlanski accountd fer 64 o them eighty. And OH, how I laffd! I coudnta imagind anything evr toppin th RIPE III extravaganza from 2008; but fokes, this sure DIDski! Dspite th low turnout and th challenging post, I think IV set a new standard thats gonna be dangd hard to top in 2010. Nfackt, I nominatd five o Atlases poemskis fer special reckonition (but I hear tryin to get a prize outta th Revrend is a little like tryin to get a pickle outta a herring). Kay. I prattld on long enough. Lets get to em. Here youll find 37 poemskis from Polanski, 27 from Atlas Cerise, 5 from th Revrend Anaglyph, 3 from Cissy Strutt, 1 from Anne Arkham, and 7 from 4 othrs. Th post is calld Jurassic Pork.
- RIPE IV.1: And, ocourse, me & Atlas, as ... ummm ... co-foundrs (along wit th Revrend) o th RIPE event, make a point o publishin posts at our rspecktive blogskis t make sure any o our readrs who dont awready frequent Tetherd Cow will know about it. Atlases post drew a poemski from me. Th post is calld It's Up.
- RIPE IV.2: My RIPE-announcment drew a poemski from me. Th post is calld on th road again.
- Peppr: A strange January 2 tradition has emergd at The Joey Polanski Show. Fer whatevr reasn, that seems t be Midget-Peppr Day. This years post drew a poemski from Polanski and a poemski from Buzzardbilly. Th post is calld jolly green obligatory-munchkin-peppr-postski.
- Un-PC: Atlas Cerises poemski about Obama diggin Mac computrs promptd a coupla poemskis from me, and one more from Atlas. Th post is calld A Macnificent Anniversary.
- Blue Balls: I publishd a post about my Galilean thermometr, and it somhow inspird a lot o poemskis about paintin -- and anothr among my favorit poemin sequences. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 3 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld like sompm straight outta Mysterious Corner.
- War Bling: I publishd a post about a Civl War book I was readin, and that led to a double-twirl from Atlanski -- 2 poemskis from me and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld impolitickly correckt.
- SIR, YES, SIR: And speakin o war, Atlas soon publishd a post portrayin him & me as ol Vietnam war buddies. That led to anothr among my favorit poemin sequences. Th result of th back-n-fort poemin almost reads as a single multi-stanza poemski from Atlanski -- soundin like some kinda X-ratd rendition o "The Night Before Christmas" -- but wifout th Christmas, ocourse, and wit th usual efforts at one-upsmanship. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas. Th post is calld War Buddies.
- FluttrButt: Fans o Poemski surely have realizd that th vast majority o Polanski poemskis are postd as coments. Only very seldom does a JPS postski cntain a poemski. Such a rarity ockurrd on th firs day o Spring, when I postd a poemski about a buttrfly comin in fer a soft landing. This touchd off a pretty fervent Atlanski expo. Here youll find 8 poemskis from Polanski and 7 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Spring Shwing.
- D'oh: We all know Atlas cant write a poemski t save his dangd life. But he is fair-to-middlin when it comes to Photoshop creations. Fer one o his sckool-projeckts, he had t create all th imagry and emblemry fer a ficktional compny all his ownski. And so he (or whoevr he got t do his work for im) came up wif INGENUITI, a nukelr powr compny; and he postd all th imagry & emblemry at Old Fish and Lemonade. That, ocourse, ockasiond a few Homer-relatd poemskis. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Atlas. Th post is calld Ingenuiti: The Power to Be.
- Big-Top Pee-Pee: This was a most pleasant suprise ovr at Tetherd Cow Ahead. Th Revrend publishs a post about th need fer a auto-correckt funcktion in evryday handwritin, and th coments-secktion reaches th count o 30 bfore the poemin starts, and th poemin takes th coments-count up alla way up to 70! This heres anothr among my favorit poemin-sequences -- and a rathr funny coments-secktion ovrall. Enjoy th read, fokes, where youll find 9 poemskis from Polanski, 10 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 3 from one othr.2 Th post is calld Bach in a Minuet.
- Th Ockasional Verse: This heres ANOTHR wondrful suprise! Atlas publishd a very quick post at Old Fish and Lemonade that refrencd poemin and refrencd Rasputin. Twas a cinch that woud attrackt some poemskis. Th post included a pitchr of a book-covr, displayin th title Poems For Occasions. So, ocourse, th poemskis that comd in were intended as poemskis that migt be recitd on some idennifyable "ockasion" or in some reckonizable (and usualy rpeatable) situation. And, as luck woud have it, th firs poemski that comd in was from yours truly and was in th form of a limerick; and, happily, it seems like th limerick thus bcame th official form fer a "Ockasional" poemski, cause all th othr poemskis that comd in aftr that have, so far, been limericks too. But heres th wondrus thingski: As simple as th post was in itself, it cntaind a kind o genyus. It was a call fer poemskis that had a definit theme that allowd at th same time fer a rathr considrable flexibility. It seemd t me a shame that such a post migt garnr a fairly healfy heap o poemskis, and then fade inta histry bfore its full potential coud be realizd. And th post hardly seemd like "rpeatable shtick" -- like sompm that coud be trottd out again and again. I mean, trottin it out evn a seckon time woud seem like instant OVRKILL -- milkin th shtick fer all its werf. So I, bein th genyus and th influential fuckr that I amski, suggestd to Atlas that he sorta make that post a "prpetual" post -- opm 24 / 7 / 365. Thatd rquire a nicely craftd & prominently displayd sidebar buttn takin fokes direckly to th PFO postski -- prhaps wit th added bonus o some HTML code that othr fokes coud use so as t put th same buttn in their own sidebars. Well ... Atlas is at least smart enough t reckonize genyus when he sees it; and so th prpetual poemin post was bornski. I got th buttn up in my sidebar. It looks like this:
Click it (in th sidebar) and itll take ya right to th post, where you can read th poemskis, post some o yer ownski, and evn copy th code and get a buttn fer yer own sidebar. This post will probly get linkd again and again in many future volumes o Poemski, since its a dangd good bet that Ill keep tossin in entrys aftr publishin this here volume. But as o this posting, there youll find 30 poemskis from Polanski,3 4 from th Revrend Anaglyph, 25 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from Cissy Strutt, and 3 from three othrs. Th post is calld I'm Gonna Write My Own.
- Th Vitamizr: Th Revrend wrot a post about some nutritional mirackle calld a Vitamizr, and this led to a few fun poemskis about ... well ... mop fishs and such. Yeah, I aint sure what a mop fish is eithr, but aparently its sompm th Revrends mom usta make im eat when he was, yknow, a wee sproutski. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld Liquid Assets.
- Snake Charming: Heres me poemin alone, on a post Atlas wrote about his favorit passtime -- hypnotizin his lizzerd. Here youll find 2 Polanski poemskis. Th post is calld (*wait fer it*) How to Hypnotize a Lizard.
- Fas Foodski: My post about a local restarants hypothetickle motto promptd a quick poemin duel btween me & Colonel Colonel -- 2 poemskis apiece. Th post is calld ... where our motto is ...
- Theyre Shitty: Jobu helps take fear from th Cleveland Indians batskis, sos them fuckrs can hit curveballs. When Jobu postd a limerick about th trials o th Tribe, I jus hadta respond wif one o my ownski -- 1 apiece, from me and Jobu. Th post is calld Jobu Hate Texas.
- Eastr in Australier: Me & Atlas included some lil-known fackts about Australier in our pair o poemskis at Tethered Cow Ahead. Th post is calld Easter Parade.
- Rock-n-Rollski: Th third post in my "Wif Commentary" series led to quite a few poemskis about chicks & musick. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 3 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld FREECREDITREPORT.COM Dream Girl Song (wif commentary) ...
- Wood -n- Chest: Th Revrend wrot a post about some Ruskie who had a problem wif his lung and it turnd out he had a tree growin in it. This talk of Russia, surgry, and WOOD led to poemin that came dangerously close to Rasputinizing! Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 2 from Cissy Strutt. Th post is calld Good News! It's not Cancer, it's a TREE!.
- My Homunckulette: YAAAAAYYYyyyyy! Yall remembr my homunckulette, dontcha? Atlas went on a friggin poemin spree here. None o th rest o us coud keep up wit im. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 10 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Jobu. Th post is calld a day in th life o my homunckulette.
- DADski: Herman AINT my dadski! But hes werf a few poemskis at Old Fish and Lemonade. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Herman.
- Goin Down: Hey, I bet you guys didnt know that th Revrend Anaglyph gots a seckon blogski -- a blogski OTHR than Tetherd Cow Ahead. Its calld Hello From Hell, and its been up as a standing gag since as far back as I known th Revrend. Anyhow, me & Atlas figgrd itd be fun t post some poemskis there, & see if we coud get th Revrend t join in. This turnd out t be challenging in a rathr fun way, since we bofe kinda realizd that th poemskis hadta be dark rathr than rawnchy, and still witty bsides. I think we comd up wif some pretty goodns. And yeah, th Revrend DID join in, and wrot probly th best poemski o th bunch. This little dance is a rare jewl. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 2 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph. Th post is calld (ocourse, since its th only post on th blogski so far) Hello From Hell!
- More Snake Charming: Cissy Strutt wrot a post about snakes onna plane gettin gassd. Me & Atlas, ocourse, had no problem tossin in a snake-poemski apiece. Th post is calld where was Mister Jackson?
- Wine & Twat: HAHAHAHA! This is anothr post at Tetherd Cow Ahead where th poemin came in late, kinda as a aftrthougt, and yielded some pretty big laffs. Th Revrend askd for it, by voicin a expecktation o "poerrhea" from me & Atlas. Hadta oblige, ocourse! But th Revrends poemski is truly ACES! Stole th show, much as he did on th Hell post! Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph, and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Fruity, With a Slight Nose of Fish.
- Tennessee Pride: Mike, ovr at Tongue In Check, gamme a real nice send-up on a post late in April. He done a take on my "Please dont confuse em" shtick, annit had sompm t do wif Tennessee. I paid my rspeckts in turn wif a rturn "Please dont confuse em" / Tennessee post. That brougt in a smattring a poemskis. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Cocovan, 1 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Jobu. Th post is calld (ocourse) Please dont confuse em!
- Birds: Anothr o Cissy Strutts nature photos promptd some poemskis about birdskis. Mine involvd a gag well-known to long-time readrs o Tetherd Cow Ahead. "A ducks quack doesnt echo." We all know that aint true -- th Revrend, a exspurt in sound, done told us it aint. Sadly fer th Revrend, its a heckuva lot funnyer t sppose that it is. Here youll find 1 poemski from Polanski and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Threskiornis aethiopicus redux.
- Double Penetration: Anothr Cissy Strutt nature photo, and anothr among my favorit poemin sequences. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Colonel Colonel. Th post is calld rooted.
- Thrashin o th Christ: As April was comin to a end, I wrot a post about these othr gospels that aint included in th Bible, and how some ubm cntain storys about th Lord Jesus gettin pissd off at his playmates & croakin em. Aint no suprise that THAT calld forth some poemin. Here youll find 4 poemskis from Polanski, 4 from Colonel Colonel, 1 from Cissy Strutt, and 1 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld My Sweet Lord.
- Shtick-Stealin: Mikes send-up o th JPS and my homage in rturn resurrecktd fokeses intrest in shtick-grabbin. Sara Sue grabbd a little shtick-grabbin shtick from Mike, and grabbd a little Polanski shtick and a little Atlas shtick as well, thus creatin a pretty funny "Please dont confuse em" post o her ownski! Fer a while, th funski in th coments-secktion was livly enough to recall bygone days in th blogassfear. I tryd droppin in a poemski, but was a lone voice in th wildrness. Th post is calld Stealing Schtick -- I Have No Shame.
- CC fer Cissy: On el Sinko de Myjoe, Cissy Strutt publishd her 200th post at Ginger Stick. That promptd poetick nods from me, and Colonel Colonel, and Atlas Cerise. Ciss tossd in a poemski herself. Th post is calld two hundred.
- Rhyme Scene: Heres anothr o them rare instances when a Polanski Show post cntains a poemski. This drew a fair numbr o poemski-coments from a pretty full field. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 1 from Colonel Colonel, 1 from Mike (a EXTREME rarity), 2 from Atlas Cerise, 1 from th Revrend Anaglyph (ANOTHR gem from th Revrend -- defnitely th best o th bunch), and 1 from Buzzardbilly. Th post is calld jus right.
- Birfday Bush: Cissys post recallin a recent birfday gala promptd a few poemskis. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 1 from Cissy. Th post is calld tree mendous.
- Sauceski: I aint nevr been a huge fan o haiku, cuz to me it jus dont involve th challenge o real witty versifickation. But I sppose haiku coud be a pretty good vehickle fer dliverin a decent one-linr. So I intrducd what weell call th Joeku. Thisns about psghetti sauceski. Here youll find 3 poemskis from Polanski, 3 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Cocovan. Th post is calld Joeku.
- eClaire: Atlas gots th hots fer Emilie de Ravin. He loves th fackt that shes Australian. Ms de Ravin probly loves it that shes Australian too. Pacifick Ocean bein where it is, aint no need fer her to seek a restraining ordr. Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski and 2 from Atlas Cerise. Th post is calld Not Lost for Long.
- Chastity Boner: I guess its kinda strange that there aint been much poemski acktion ovr at Mikes Tongue In Check ovr th years. Cissy & me done tossd in a poemski apiece back when Mike was about t have surgry a year ago or so; and I figgrd its time th TIC crowd get anothr dose o th stuff. What bettr post coud I a-askd for than Mikes suggestion that Chastity Bonos sex-change surgry woud make her inta th spittin image of a fat Val Kilmer? Here youll find 2 poemskis from Polanski. Th post is calld Separated At Birth.
- Nurse Myra: Nurse Myra is a friend o th Revrend Anaglyph. She gots a blogski calld Gimcrack Hospital. Longtime readrs o The Joey Polanski Show will reckonize th name o Nurse Myra, as she playd a importnt role in th inception o th cherishd Rasputin poemin party. Twas th pic that woud become her avatar, as reveald by th Revrend, that inspird th very first Rasputin poemski! And th rest, as they say, is hystericks! But th story o th Rasputin Inagural is a old story. Yeah, its a GREAT story, and its a story that I nevr get tired o tellin; but its old news. Th new news is Nurse Myra and Gimcrack Hospital. Ive known about th Gimcrack fer a few years now; but only recently did I learn that I coud post coments there wifout leavin a email address (at least when Im signd inta WordPress). And, ocourse, in my first Gimcrack apearance, I done postd a poemski. Nurse Myra publishd a postski about a old childrens book that had pitchrs of peepees and pubies innit. Yeah ... I know ... NOT th sort o thing youd expeckt me to waste my poemin talent on. But when Nurse Myra mentiond a pitchr of a lady wif a pube-bugle, well ... that REALY put me in touch wif my Museski. But heres th REALY good news, fokes: Nurse Myra is a PLAYR! She plays at th Gimcrack; she plays at th Polanski Show; and she evn plays at Joey's Hole. (And we TCAers awready know she plays at th Tetherd Cow.) And so, givn her spunk & wit, and th nawty & clevr content o her blogski, Im atchualy addin a linkski to th JPS links-listski -- sompm I probly aint done fer a coupla years now. (Mostly, I been nixin linkskis lately.) And so I urge yall to check out -- or check into -- Gimcrack Hospital. If ya like th rough-n-tumble -- and I know ya do -- youll be glad ya did. Oh, yeah ... I almost fergot to link ya to my poemski about th twat-tootr. Its th lone poemski attachd to a post calld never trust a boy doctor.
- Witherd Bits: Here at th Show, my follow-up to th post about th Lord Jesus killin kids also inspird some poemin. Here youll find 7 poemskis from Polanski and 12 from Atlas. Th post is calld th small witherd membr o th Lord.
- iPhone: Atlas, ocourse, was jerkin off when th new iPhone came out. Evn werse, he was spewin his usual bad poetry. I hadta join in to elevate th tone a little. Here youll find 5 poemski from Polanski, 5 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 from Nurse Myra. Th post is calld 48 Hours.
- Yul Be Suprisd: Awready! More poemin at Nurse Myras! Nurse Myra told us that yer spermskis will be toughr if only you look at nekkid pitchrs o Yul Brynner. My spermskis mus be pretty flabby, cuz th only exercise I get are these poemickle swordfights wif Atlas. Here youll find 6 poemskis from Polanski, 6 from Atlas Cerise, and 1 (borrowd) from 1 othr. Th post is calld improve your sperm count the manly way.
So there ya have it fokes! By my count, thats 232 Polanski poemskis and 269 Poemskis from othrs -- 501 poemskis in all, ockurrin at 56 diffrent postskis on 10 diffrent blogskis (includin JPS), by 20 diffrent poemrs (includin JP).
- Reruns: A coupla th postskis that were linkd in Poemski IV were still drawin in poemin efferts aftr Poemski IV was publishd. Specifickly, 2 came in from Polanski, 2 came in from Atlas Cerise, and 1 came in from Colonel Colonel. You can read em extra poemskis HERE, and HERE.
- Lost Babys: Unfortunatly, one o th BEST Atlanski showdowns in th blogassfear got oblitteratd in a egregious ackt by a bloggr who oviously dont know th value o great artski. She wiped her blogski clean of all publishd postskis and startd ovr. Gone fer good was a Atlas - Polanski punch-up involvin 9 poemskis apiece -- a cracklin toe-to-toe scrapski. Happily, my 9 poemskis all got writtn down in th oficial Joey Polanski Show notebook; and so Im able to re-post em ovr at Joey's Hole. In emselfs, I think theyre pretty funny; but there was a greatr humor in th back-n-forth, and that, sadly, I cant recovr for yas. Anyhowski, th poemskis were attachd to a post calld "The Fruit of God," which linkd to a YouTube vid that many o yous probly seen, suggestin that a banana is proof that God exists. Atlas then postd a coment sayin he is a atheist. That promptd th first o my 9 poemskis, touchin off that 18-poem exchange. You can read MY side o th exchange HEREski.
So now what we gots in this first volume o Summr Poemski is a totl o 515 poemskis, 243 by yer very favorit Polack.
1 If yer wondrin why there are only 3 (rathr than 4) poemskis from Atlas Cerise attachd to th "Moff" postski, its cause Atlas had to dlete one o his. Dletin it was part o th comick genyus of it. Wif Atlases prmission, I resurreckt it hereski:
Which almost is completed
Here's a poem you can't use
Because it's been deleted!
2 If th counts seem off to ya here, thats cuz one o Atlases poemskis was mistaknly credditd to ME. Jus look for th poemski that looks like it was writ by me, but souns shitty enough to a-been writ by Atlas. Aint hard t spot. Atlas is quick to wanna take creddit for it -- th poor bastrd.
3 One o my poemskis here is postd undr a pseudonymski. Yeah, I know ... Thanks, Capm Ovious.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Hey, fokes, remembr that post I publishd a while back, where I toldjas about how therer all kindsa ancient books about th Lord Jesus bsides th ones thatr cntaind in th New Testament, and I mentiond specifickly a book calld The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST and included a passage that tells how th Lord Jesus, when he was a boy, woud ockasionaly get pissd off at some othr kid who was, like, bein a dick, and th Lord Jesus woud issue some kinda scolding & then th kid who was bein a dick woud, like, jus sorta keel ovr & croakski?
Remembr that? If ya dont, you can go back & read it right HEREski.
Yeah, th main story there was about some Jew kid who tryd to wreck some little pools that th Lord Jesus made while he was playin in th mud. Firs, th Lord Jesus playd a gag on th kid -- made all th watr in th pools run away bfore th kid coud wreck th pools -- and then, whilst th little Jew bastrd was standin there dumfounded, th Lord ... yknow ... jus offd im.
Well, seems theres anothr ancient book about th Lord Jesus that gots innit a similar story. This book is calld THOMAS'S GOSPEL of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. In this version o th story, howevr, certain importnt details are diffrent. Seems ol Thomas says th Lord Jesus aint nearly so harsh in his dealings wif dickish little Hebes.
Heres how th story goes, at th beginning o Chaptr II:
1Besides this, the son of Anna the scribe was standing there with Joseph, and took a bough of a willow tree, and scattered the waters which Jesus had gathered into lakes. 2But the boy Jesus seeing what he had done, became angry, and said to him, Thou fool, what harm did the lake do thee, that thou shouldest scatter the water? 3Behold, now thou shalt wither as a tree, and shalt not bring forth either leaves, or branches, or fruit. 4And immediately he became withered all over. 5Then Jesus went away home. But the parents of the boy who was withered, lamenting the misfortune of his youth, took him and carried him to Joseph, accusing him, and said, Why dost thou keep a son who is guilty of such actions? 6Then Jesus at the request of all who were present did heal him, leaving only some small member to continue withered, that they might take warning.Im always happy to enlightn you fokes.
And now, since it apears that my membr is in good standing wit th Lord, Im gonna go look at some blessit virgin websites I realy like.
-- Th Holy Pole
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
Saturday, June 06, 2009
a 5-seckon play in One Ackt
by Eugene O'Polanski
CAST O CHARACKTRS
- ONCOMING CYCLIST -- Burly, approaching fat. Helmetd. Sunglassesd.
- CYCLING JOE -- Dashing, a Polack. Bandannad.
CYCLING JOE (to ONCOMING CYCLIST): Howdy.
ONCOMING CYCLIST (to CYCLING JOE): Ciao.
CYCLING JOE (to no one in prtickular): Gay.
(As CYCLING JOE exits at stage left, ONCOMING CYCLIST exits at stage right. Birds are chirpin. Th sun is shinin. Th curtain descends.)
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Yall probly heard th news awready.
Theres one less Carradine in th Carradine clanski.
Howevr, PSI (Polanski Show Investigations) is reportin that there still aint no fewr chinks in China, since our exspurts on th Far East have learnt that David Carradine wudnt a real chink.
And, as lessr investigative bodys look inta th mattr o whethr Mr Carradine hung imself in a hotel room in Thailand or whethr he died o natchrl causes, PSI is werkin diligently to address a far more pressin question ...
Is Skolnick okay?