I awways said he woont live to see 70 ...

Buddies,



Well ... atchualy ... what I awways said was 30.  I said he woont live to see 30.

But is ziss any time to be quibblin bout numbrs?


Rest in peace, dickead!

devoid o dreams

Buddies,

Th anniversry o Mama Polanskis deaff put me in mind o th times when she & Papa Polanski come to me in my dreams.

Well, I know tday is Thanksgivin and evrything, but it also happms to be Novembr 22; and Im sure that evry dangd one o yous know that anothr very impornt prson died tragickly on that date, sevral deckades ago.

Im sad to rport that, so far, he aint yet made evn a single apearance in any o my dreams.

(*sigh*)

(*sobski*)

I think I hear my Ma callin me!

Buddies,

On this day, Im put in mind of Mama Polanski, who died zackly fourteen years ago.

Now I dont know how many o yous have lost lovd ones as close as yer parents; but those o yous who have probly know that, aftr youve lost em, you tend t have lotsa weird dreams about em.

Papa Polanski died in 1992.  Mama Polanski died in 1993.  I wunt yet 30 when I become a orfan.  An I sure had my share o dreams about Mama & Papa Polanski since they bofe been dead.

Th dreams is all diffrent, but they all got sompm in commn: Its always clear in th dream that sompm aint right.  Somtimes theyr there, an Im spposta figgr they aint nevr died, but they gots sompm wrong wif em.  Like th time I seen Papa Polanski cookin some scrabld eggs on th kitchn stove, like I seen im do a million times bfore in real life, cep this time hes standin there wif a big gapin hole in is gut -- but he aint evn rmotely aware o this.  This is my minds way o tellin me that sompm aint right, him bein there.  Or maybe I dream that Mama & Papa Polanski are bofe there, an its pretty ovious in th dream that they already died, but theyr, like, back; and its always clear that they aint a-spposta be back -- like when I dreampt that they was there & somone already was livin in their house & they dint have no place t live.  Like I said ... always sompm not quite right.

But th reasn I writ this post was to tell ya, on this day, bout a partickular dream I once had bout Mama Polanski aftr she died.  Id been havin lotsa dreams bout Mama & Papa Polanski when I had this dream; & ya know how somtimes ya have a dreamski & you become sorta aware that yer dreamin -- so you can kinda influence th dream by willin that crtain stuff happm in th dream?  Well, I once had a dream that Mama Polanski was back from th dead & fer th mos part in th dream no one was acknowledgin th fact that Mama Polanski was a-spposta be dead; but I slowly come t realize that Mama Polanski was realy dead & that I was probly only dreamin that she was back in my life.  And so you know what I done in that dreamski?  I dcided that this was my one chance to cmmunicate wif Mama Polanski in th werld o th dead & maybe get a answr.  So I rmembr that she was ovrseein th mowin of th huge lawn that sets alongside th famly homested -- sompm I nevr seen er do in real life, by th wayski -- and I askd her sompm like, "Is it a nice place where you are?"

Ill nevr ferget her response.  She dint say nothin.  She jus lookd at me wif a quizzickle look on her face, as if t say, "DANG, sonski!  Somtimes you ask th stoopidest friggin questions!"

Thing is ... Im pretty sure I seen that look moren once from Mama Polanski bfore she died in real life.

Islammick Eroticka

Buddies,


In th Koran it says:

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron, etc.), and to draw their veils all over Juyûbihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islâm), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex.  And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment.  And all of you beg Allâh to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.

DANG!  It looks like evry friggin dude in th whole fam-damly gets to scope out th ol Juyûbihinna!  Then again, I guess a strong Ayrabb household woud rquire many a firm tentpole.

-- Yusuf Al-Habibi bin Boobi

fer 48 hours ...

Buddies,

I dont know if any o yous notist, but there aint nevr been no vizibble kinda "site-metr" here at The Joey Polanski Show.  Maybe you DINT know this, but it IS possible to put a "hiddn" site-metr on yer blogski.

But heres th thing; and long-time readrs o th Show awready know this, if theys been payin attention: Its a mattr o principple fer me that there aint no site-metr -- vizibble or invizibble -- here at JPS.  I tryd to esplain it in this monu-mental post, way back whenski.

Fer those o yous that aint up fer readin a humungous post from ages ago, heres th reasn: The Joey Polanski Show is all about creativity, and all about havin FUNski -- and we (th Man Bhind th Curtin & ME) value these things entirly fer their own sakes!  Thats hows come you wont see no ADs here -- we aint tryin to make no bread by doin th Show -- and THATs part o why we gots no intrest in th kindsa info that site-metrs prvide.  Th REST o th reasn why we dont wanna know em kindsa things is that that coud take a lot o th FUN outta things!  We want readrs o th Show who dare to cntribute to th Show to have th freedom to be creations, characktrs -- sevral characktrs, if they choose (prvided each ubm is GOOD charactrs)!  In short, we want yous to ENTRTAIN; and if you gotsta CON us in ordr t do it, SO BE IT!

"So, why dont you jus allow ANONYMOUS coments at th JPS?" -- you aks.

Heres my answr: We think allowin anonymous coments genrally allows fokes to avoid their unwrittn JPS "obligation" to be entrtainin.  Givn th luxury o postin a anonymous coment, some fokes might feel a little too free to post "mattr-o-fackt" coments when evryone knows (and dont ask me HOW fokes know this, but somhow they DO) that comentrs is a-spposta UNLOAD wif th CLEVR & th ZANY.  Also, we suspeckt that creatin a "momentary" idennnity might too oftn be takn as a SUBSTITUTE fer truly creative clevrness.  Since theres a stannard to be met here at th Show, we think its reasnable to insist that fokes take at least enuff rsponsibillity fer their coments to create a Blogger ID (which, I think we all know, can be cmpletely "momentary"; but which rarely serve to conceal cmpletely & in th long run th more "familyer" idennity o th comenter).

"Kay," yer probly sayin, "So, whats yer point, then?"

Well, heres my point: All o this can lead JPS comenters inadvertantly to adopt what might be calld th prsona of "FRIEND o The Joey Polanski Show"; and, trappd wiffin that prsona, fokes might not feel entirely free to express their innrmost opinions ABOUT The Joey Polanski Show and th creative genyus bhind it.

Therefore, fer 48 hours aftr publishin this post, The Joey Polanski Show will allow anonymous coments.  Nows yer chance -- FINALY -- to say all th things you woont DARE say undr yer reggalr Blogger ID.

Youll hafta trust me when I say there aint evn a HIDDN "site-metr" here at JPS.  And, thus, ya got nothin t lose: If it shoud turn out that there IS a hiddn site-metr here, then IM th assole fer lyin to yas.

So, go fer it!  TOTL onnesty!

evry last one o yas!

Buddies,

Not too long ago, I bougt a bran new, really big dicktionary.  I kinda been needin one, since my ol dicktionary was gettin real old and was not only fallin apart but was kinda backdatd.  So when I foun myself in a bookstore recently, I ended up lookin at th dicktionarys.

Fer a while, I was undecided btween two ubm.  I was a little tickd off that one ubm was shrinkwrappd sos I coont look inside it.  Th one that I coud look inside was a little more expensive, had more entrys innit, and came wif a CD supplment.  It lookd like a dangd good dicktionary.  Howevr, th less expensive one -- th one that I coont look inside -- had pitchrs innit (it said so on th covr), and was also advrtizd as th official dicktionary o th Associatd Press and th New York Times.  So it too lookd like a dangd good dicktionary.  Since I aint averse to havin moren one dicktionary, I dcided to buy th less expensive one -- sight unseen -- thinkin maybe I might come back some othr time & buy th othr one wif th CD innit.

Boy, am I glad I bougt thisn!  This is th firs dangd dicktionary I evr ownd that gots, like, cuss-words innit! I aint bullshittin!  It gots all th old standards!  WhoonaHECK took th time to, like, sit down & set out defnitions o all em cuss-words?  Heck, I dunno; but Im sure glad they did -- whoevr they is.

And jus in case ya dint know, th official New York Times defnition o 'fucker' is as follows:

fucker  n.  1 a person who fucks  2 an unpleasant or contemptible person  3 any person or thing

See that, fokes?  Any person or thing!

So considr yerselfs edjumacatd now.

...

... Fuckrs!

two outta three aint bad

Buddies,

One of the funniest incidents occurred in Santiago de Chile, where the Pope [John Paul II] questioned thousands of Chilean youngsters.  "Do you give up the idol of wealth?" he cried.  "Yes," shouted the kids.  "Do you give up the idol of power?"  "Yes."  "Do you give up the idol of sex?"  "Nooo," they roared.

-- Thomas Bokenkotter, A Concise History of the Catholic Church

I think th Holy Fathr probly shouda quit while he was ahead.