If ONLY she had beatn Tammy Faye to th grave, she mighta been elecktd our Queen; and if ONLY we had elecktd her Queen, she might not have turnd traitor against her people!
Fokes, Leona Helmsley has died, and has left twelve million dollrs to her dog, Trouble. It dont take a exspurt from PSI (Polanski Show Investigations) to tell yas that this coud only mean a HUGE infusion o funds fer Cashs Roverlution!
PSI has learnd that Cash plans to supplement her program in Cashinator cyborgenicks wif a program in pure roboticks; and this significkant financial enrichment presents th Cashian tecknicians wif far more options than they woud othrwise a-had.
Fer instance, they now have th funds to begin buildin THIS robust little bastrd:
Or, if Cash authorizes appropriation o funds that was formrly earmarkd fer th legal railroading o Michael Vick, they coud forge ahead in dvelopin this behemoff:
Or, choosin quannity ovr quality, they coud churn out a matchd pair o meckanizd killrs:
Fokes, you need to appreciate just how drammatick is this change in fortune for Cashs roboticks program. Wifout them twelve million dollrs, th options fer Cashs tecknicians wouda been reducd to two.
They couda tryd to resurreckt a previous roboticks program, th best result o which has been THIS fuckin piece o crapski:
Or, wif th addition o th old Michael Vick funds, they couda produced this scaled-back unit:
which is so laffably CUTE that it woud probly ensure that Cashs Roverlution woud be limitd to a conquest o th friggin Cartoon Netwerk.
But thanks to th Queen o Mean, weere instead faced wif Trouble ...
... Trouble wif a capital C.
There ya have it, fokes. I rports. Yous dcide.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
"I am not gay!
I nevr have been gay!
Tappin toes in th Mens Room,
Just isnt my way!
"If I touch you by chance,
Its because o my stance.
Its excessively wide:
Ive a log in my pants."
-- Idaho Joe
Friday, August 24, 2007
Buddies, Thanks to JediMacFan for yet ANOTHR ingenyus graphick!
In its ongoin effert to keep fokes apprisd o threats to th inalienable right t be fat, dumb, & happy, PSI (Polanski Show Investigations) now exposes th latest in a long line of secret weapns currently in dvelopment by Cash, our favorit Bow-Wow Bolshevik.
As has come to be th norm, PSI investigators, undr deep covr, have smuggld out a photo of what PSI analysts have idennifyd as th as-yet-uncmpleted prototype o what PSI exspurts have dubbd "Th Cashinator," a relentless dstroyr of all that obstruckts th suckcess o Cashs Canine Revolution (known in th inteligence community as CCR). That photo is publishd fer th firs time in th blogassfear right HERE.
PSI opratives tell The Joey Polanski Show that by now Project: Cashinator must surely have progressd to PHASE TWO, which will involve covrin th ergomatick skelleton wif th flesh & skin thatll allow th units transportation fru time, and also th cybrtronick muscle thatll rendr this dvice th most formiddible agent evr facd by any modern military.
One PSI source claims to have photograffd th first cmpleted Cashinator unit. Howevr, th U.S. Dpartment o Homeland Security, which is concernd that publickation o that photo will cause a uncontrollable panick -- not just among th American population, but in the world genrally -- has urgd The Joey Polanski Show NOT to make this photo instantly available in th blogassfear. Evr patriotick, th JPS has seen th merit in keepin this photo from appearin where any of its oh-so-innocent viewrs might unwittinly behold th fearsome specktacle o this agent o evil.
And yet Polanski Show Investigations (PSI) has a commitment to th free flow o information, & therefore canNOT keep this photo cmpletely undr wraps.
Therefore, it has been dcided, by authoritys at th highest levl at The Joey Polanski Show and the U.S. govrment -- which tgether, ocourse, rule th werld -- that the photo shoud be made available only to those willin to click on a specialy authorizd link, wif th undrstandin that those who click on it pledge to take ALL REASNABLE MEASURES to insure that werldwide panick will NOT ensue as a result.
And, thus, we here at JPS deem it proppr that th followin link be prvided t those o yous that wish t know th full extent o th threat humanity now faces.
You are advisd, howevr, that you click on this link at yer OWN risk.
There ya have it, fokes! I rports. Yous dcide.
Thanks to JediMacFan for yet ANOTHR ingenyus graphick!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Th Drecktr o Personnel at Polanski University (PU) happily announces that th field o cannidates fer th post o Perfessr in th area o Forml Knot Thery has been narrowd to th followin two:
Each cannidate seems in a good position to receive from Polanski a firm post.
And whichevr one dont get t be th perfessr o Forml Knot Thery will probly end up bein th perfessr in some othr PU course.
-- Dean Polanski
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Somtimes we drink to celebrate,
Wif friends, wif fokes, wif kin.
And cause I love th taste of it,
I thank th Lord for gin.
Somtimes we drink to punish ourselfs,
A thougt thats most disturbin.
And cause I hate th taste of it,
I thank th Lord for bourbon.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Aftr haff a century o speckulation & drivvle from amateurs & eccentricks, PSI (Polanski Show Investigations) finaly weighs in on whats said to have happmd in Roswell, New Mexco way back in th summr o 1947. Yall know, Im sure, that some fokes insist that a extratrrestrial craft -- nfackt, a flyin saucr -- crashd in th desert near Roswell, and that dead alien bodys was recoverd, and that th United States govrment -- th military, atchualy -- is covrin it all up. Yer also probly aware that skepticks insist that what crashd in Roswell was only th wreckage of a high-altitude balloon -- prhaps a weathr balloon, prhaps a balloon that was bein usd to raise equipment dsignd to deteckt detonation o nuklear bombs by th Commies. Since talk o th alien bodys dint become publick till deckades latr, any discovry o "bodys" skepticks figgr musta had sompm t do wif some latr military test involvin droppin crash dummys from th same kindsa high-altitude balloons.
What makes th Roswell "crash" so significkant, tho, is that th US Military itself -- th 509th Bomb Group at Roswell Army Air Field (RAAF), t be specifick -- was rsponsible fer th first NEWS rports o havin recoverd a "flyin disk." It made th headline o th Roswell Daily Record on July 8, jus aftr a ranchr reportd discovrin th "wreckidge."
Th same story was pickd up by th Sacramento Bee.
Colonel Willliam Blanchard, cmmander o th 509th, contactd Genral Roger Ramey o th 8th Air Force & Genral Ramey orderd th "wreckidge" sent to th Army Air Field in Fort Werf, Texass. Wunt long aftr that that Genral Ramey cncluded that th "wreckidge" was debree from a weathr balloon. That made headlines in th Roswell Daily Record too.
Aint hard to see how, outta THIS, there come all th "Was TOO!" and "Was NOT" in th debate ovr th Roswell insident. Th US Army / Air Force said it recoverd a flyin saucr AND that it hadnt. Blievrs accept th firs story, & rgard th seckon as th start of a covr-up. Skeptics accept th seckon story & dismiss th first as a mistake.
BOFE are probly a little right & a little wrong. Thats th PSI psition, anyhow.
Skepticks is correckt that there probly wunt no flyin saucr -- no extraterestrial craft -- and no dead alien bodys recoverd at Roswell. Think about it. A extraterrestrial race advancd enough t send ships to Earf from th nearest possible plannit loses a crew in Roswell. You dont think wed be a-swarm wif th lil gray fuckrs as soon as one big-headed bastrd says "Houston, we got a friggin problem"? Course we woud. But we aint. Hence, there probly wunt no alien spacecraft crashin in Roswell back in 1947.
Blievrs is correckt that theres been a covr-up o th fackts regardin th Roswell incident. Nfackt, we all know that th US Govrment & th military NEVR tell th trufe about NOTHIN. COVR-UP is their stock in trade. Theyr so cmmittd to covrin shit up, and so GOOD at it, that I woont be sprisd t learn that there really AINT no US military at all. But thats ANOTHR expoezay. Th problm fer th blievrs is that, if th govrment dont NEVR tell th trufe, then they COONT a-been tellin th trufe evn when they said, at firs, that they recoverd wreckidge of a flyin saucr. See? There was a covr-up, all rightski. But th covr up began evn BFORE th blievrs think it did. Specifickly, th original flyin saucr story was itself PART o th covr-up.
So th question is: What WAS recoverd in th desert near Roswell? It musta been sompm SO troublin that itd make a dceitful govrment- or military-official say, when put on th spot aftr somone found th shit, "Uhhh .... Tell em we foun a friggin flyin saucr!"
In th exspurt opinion o Polanski Show Investigators, theres only ONE story thatd be troublin enough to inspire a flyin saucr story as a COVR story.
Evr since th firs atomick bomb was droppd on Japland in 1945, work was undr way to dvelop th means to dliver nuklear bombs wifout usin a pilotd aircraft. So rocket-tecknology was th projeckt o th day. Coinsident wif th aim to dvelop unpilotd rockets fer dliverin nukes was th aim o dvelopin rockets that coud put human beings inta outr space. Evryone knows that Projeckt Mercury was bornd outta th Cold War that emergd btween us & th Commies onct th Commies got a bomb o their ownski.
We all know also about how th USSR & th US sent up crittrs like dogs & chimps to test th safty o some o th earlyest spacecraft evr dsignd. Dogskis & chimpskis. How reasonable it seems to use dogs & chimps to test craft that coud possibly end up killin a human who might try to ride it inta outr space!
Fokes, what crashd in Roswell, NM alla way back in July o 1947 was a US built spacecraft carryin human passengrs -- ALLA whom was killt.
Ocourse, humans have died in our efferts to explore space. Heck! Some asternotts died as recently as 2003, when th Space Shuttle Columbia was rippd apart upon re-entry, killin th entire crew. Th US Govrment can deal wif asternotts dyin in th course o modern space exploration. Nfackt, in one o its EARLYEST efferts, Polanski Show Investigations has rveald just how MUCH hay NASA has made outta such tragedys.
Th problem, back in 1947, was that there wunt yet no asternott program. That is, th govrment wunt yet RECRUITIN fokes to test experimental rocketships. See, when ya RECRUIT fokes t test experimental aircraft, ya TELL EM that they coud DIE in th process. When a competent prson CNSENTS to go ahead & test em, we dont agonize too much ovr em dyin in some kinda acsident. I mean, its TRAGICK an all that, but we acsept that th pilots knew what they was doin, and agreed t do it. It was THEIR choice; and so it aint like they was FORCD t get in some potentialy unstable craft and ended up DYIN jus t prove that some IMPROVEMENTS was needed. Itd be GALLING if our govrment did THAT to certain fokes.
Guess what, fokes! Atts ZACKLY what they done! Yepski. Th military was testin unprovd rocket tecknology by puttin deformd mental retards in th cockpits & blastin em off t see if they coud be brougt back alive. Some ubm they got back alive, some ubm they dint. Some ubm that dint make it back was th fokes who crashd in Roswell in 1947.
So you can SEE why th militaryd wanna covr it up, right? Evn if that meant plantin some BOGUS story bout recovrin a flyin saucr! I mean, what else coud they say, wif all em deformd tardbodys strewn all ovr th desert an stuff? Jus cause they probly givd th tards a popsicle to get em t sit still in th cockpit aint gonna lessn th horror fokesd feel when they learnt that human beins who coont give consent was bein used as guinny pigs in tests that jus gone from potentialy deadly to atchualy so.
So now you know, fokes. Th debree recoverd in Roswell back in July o 1947 was probly terrestrial, and all-too-tragickly human.
Fokes who dig aliens might find this a little disappointin, but I think em fokes shoud look at it a little diffrently. Accordin to th PSI hypothesis, Roswell aliens is all ovr th place! So, from now on, keep lookin around. Th nex time ya see fokes who seem oviously retarded
or if ya see fokes whoore shortski and who gots, like, a ovrsized headski & who seem to jabbr incomprehensibly
or if ya see somone whos body is, like, grotesquely elongatd
or maybe somone whos body is grotesquely elongatd and who gots, like, a arm growin outta their neckski
or if ya see somone who dont seem fully evolvd inta homo sapiens
then -- CONGRATULATIONski! -- you jus rund inta a genuine Roswell-type alien!
So, ya see, we ARE a-swarm in REAL aliens. They just aint of th boogly-eyed, bald-headed sort that UFOlogists is always talkin about ...
... ummm ... I thinkski ...
There ya have it, fokes! I rports. Yous dcide.