Buddies,
Whether an argument is deductive or non-deductive depends on whether it is defective if it fails to be deductively valid.
-- From Dale Jacquette, Symbolic Logic
And its a long fly ball to cennr fiel-- OH! That ones JUUUUUST a bit ovr th head o Mr Spock, who was playin a little shallow that time ...
-- Harry Doyle Polanski
Buddies,
A crtain cmmunity collidge offrs, as part o its Needlework & Sewing crrickulum, th followin corse:
Skirts, Skirts, Skirts: Skirts are a hot fashion trend! In this class you will construct an elastic waistband skirt (adult or child size) made from cotton / cotton-blend woven fabric. The first class will include time at the fabric store where the instructor will help you choose the proper fabric for this project. All students will make the same pattern that will be selected by the instructor. This is a great class and is open to all students who have taken the Beginning Sewing class or have some sewing experience. Learnings include: fabric prep, following pattern instructions, casing, seams, and hems.
Miracles in Terrycloff: Chicks look hottr in skirts than they do in pants. In this class youll cnstruckt a wraparoun skirt made from terrycloff. THIS FUCKIN CLASS RULES, an its opm ebm to fokes who aint nevr took no sewin class. Learnins include: wrappin-around, Forml Knot Thery, skirt-wearin, & leg-crossin. This class will meet fer 30 minutes pr week, fer a totl o 1 week. Stoodents shood bring to class a bafftowl made outta terrycloff. Chicks bringin only a hantowl or a washcloff will get extra creddit.
-- Dean Polanski
Buddies,
Heres some TP.
Heres some TP too.
Buddies,
I know how to write a complete sentence.
I also know how to write a incomplete sentence.
What I DONT know is how to write a PAIR o incomplete sentences.
I mean ... How am I spposta get startd on th seckon one if I aint yet finishd th first?
Buddies,
Back in April, I nominatd cannidates fer a American King. Ocourse, intrducktion of a King into th American culture is only th thin edge o th wedge. Fast on th heels o THAT would hafta be th addition of a Queen, a Crown Prince, and a Princess -- a whole Royl famly! And woontcha guess that I, Joey Polanski, got some DEFINIT ideas on that subjeck?
Oh ... you BET I dooski!
Lets start wif th American Queen.
Yous might recall that my ideas relatin to the King included, not just a genral image (th belchin, fartin, laffin, drunken jestr), but also a cnception o crtain ceremonial funcktions (greetin vistin dignitarys) and evn certain civl responsibilitys (judgin th produckt o th countrys brewrys & distillrys). In th case o th Queen, there shoont be no ceremonial funcktion or civl responsibility associatd wif th office.
In my opinion, th sole funcktion o th American Queen shoud be this: to get evry loyl American subjeckt to feel sorry fer th American King. Ya know? Th American King bounds into a state-dinnr -- pie-eyd, ocourse -- gropes a few wifes & barfs all ovr a few foreign dignitarys bfore passin right th fuck OUT. Th typickle reacktion o th American people shoud be sompm like, "Aaaa ... Cut th poor bastrd some slackski! I mean ... Lookit what th poor fucks gotta go HOME to!"
I got a haff-dozn cannidates for yas.
Cannidate #1
Jackie Stallone is Sly Stallones mom. Shes also a cmplete flake. Shes a asstrologr. Bfore that, she was a trapeze artist. (Circus people -- GO FIGGR!) An lookit that mothrfuckin FACEski! Im reminded of a cars airbag, tho if I seen THAT comin at me whist impacktin a brick wall, I think Id soonr go face-first through th winshield. Jackie, howevr, gots SOMPM! Tell me YOU woont feel sorry fer any guy thats gotta crawl inta th sackski wif THAT ... ummm ... that SACKski! Also, Jackies already got experience in th ol "by comparison" dpartment. I mean: Think of how bad Sly Stallone coud fuck up. Maybe heell make a movie calld Rambo Balboa, I dunno. But I realy dont think he coud fuck up enough t where hed be th MOST fuckd up prson in th Stallone famly, dyou? Maybe he coud pass up his bro, Frank; but I dont think he coud evr pass up momski.Cannidate #2
Why not Katherine Harris fer Queen? It aint like shes gonna be busy bein a U.S. Senatr, right? Kaths got experience in Kingmakin, tho: as Flordas Secrtary o State, she stoppd th vote recounts and helpd crown King George th Wth back in 2000. Havin ol Kaff fer Queen coud evn turn out t be therapeutick: havin to see that horseface plasterd all ovr th newspaprs might finaly cure JediMacFan of his hard-on fer Barbaro.Cannidate #3
Leona Helmsley, I gotta say, is one o th ... ummm ... uhhh ... Shes, like ... uh ... Well, FUCK ME, if that pitchr dont disturb th mothrFUCK outta me! I was gonna say that ol Leonas already got some experience Queenin, since she long been known as "th Queen o MEAN"; but I guess Im gonna hafta letchas figgr that out on yer own, cause that pitchrs got me t where Im, like, all afeard.Cannidate #4
I dont know why, but it wunt until I seen Tammy Fay Bakker that I realizd that some chicks wear too much make-up wifout seemin to be aware of it. I guess it took me a little while to realize that Joan Crawford & Bette Davis was, like, real people. Chick wearin THAT much make-up is sorta like a old bald fuckr wearin a ovious fake rug, thinkin hes fooling fokes. Th previos cannidates is all equally guilty o this, but Tammy Fay is, like, th MODEL o this type. To borrow a line from Joe Bob Briggs, she looks like she had a head-on collision wif a Max Factor truck. A Mack truck, too, fer that mattr.Cannidate #5
Zsa Zsa Gabor is anothr arcketype, fokes -- th glam-queen whos not only talentless, but also jus plain DISGUSTING. T add insult t injury, she had a sistr -- Eva Gabor -- who was, not only talentd, but also TRULY HOTski; but this PIG somhow seemd th biggr celebrity. Let our poor bastrd King find imself stuck wif THIS humpski! Hed have MY sympafy, thats fer sure!Cannidate #6
Awright. Lets quit fuckin aroun, fokes. How bout just a fuckin PIG? Bout th only fokes who WOONT feel sorry fer a King that gotta go home & sleep wif a fuckin pig woud be em hillbillys from Deliverance. A slate o cannidates fer th American Queen that DONT include a fuckin pig woud be ... ummm ... un-American!HERES YER BALLOT!
(Write-ins is welcome!)
[ ] VOTE MEAN
[ ] VOTE HORSE
[ ] VOTE MAX
[ ] VOTE ZSA
[ ] JACK OFF
[ ] SQUAL LIKE A PIG
Buddies,
Ditch th knee-pads, ladys! Roberts wad probly aint as nearly as low as ya might figgr.
P.S. Ummmm ... GIANTS and Girls? Am I missin sompm on th ol fetish scene? I thougt I knew em all, though my tastes have always run more tward Geometry and Girls.
Buddies,
Said Joe, "Its been two weeks o swellin.
Is this hand broke? Theres jus no tellin.
It oftn seems so; somtimes, not at all.
"And though I gots no healf insurance,
Im left t make but one infer-ence;
And thats that I mus give some doc a call."
-----
To spare expense, this healf-care cynick,
Thougt hed try first th Peoples Clinick.
For they been known t help a desperate guy.
He calld on May th 31st,
And heard th news he feard th worst:
They woont see no new patients till July.
-----
Said Joe, wif jus th slightest frown,
"I guess Ill call that place downtown,
And tell em I aint got much cash at hand.
"Th doc I seen there in th past,
Was sompm of a piece o ass;
And if she cant straightn my bone, then no one can."
-----
Th phone call left Joe heavy-heartd,
His hot-chick doc had since departd.
A diffrent docktr Joe was forcd to see.
He orderd x-rays, as predicktd,
And Joe imself saw they depicktd,
A bone as fuckin broke as broke coud be.
-----
Confirmd as well was Joes ill feelin,
That aftr two full weeks o healin,
Propr realignment woud be tough.
For eithr option Joe coud see --
Re-breakin it & surgery --
Th money Joe coud spend was not enough.
-----
"And one thing more," Joe said at last,
"I cant spend four weeks in a cast.
So NO to plastr; NO to splints & slings.
"For who woud handle all my chores,
Like washin dishs & scrubbin floors,
Not t mention -- (*a-hem*) -- OTHR things?"
-----
What Joe then came to realize,
Was sompm of a shock / surprize --
Enough to bend Joes mind, if not to snap it.
A docs prognosis does depend,
On how much patients have to spend,
Cause this one said, "Itll be fine, if you wrap it."
-----
Joe left th office happily,
Regardin this a vicktory.
To keep costs low was what hed been pursuin.
Fer 3 whole C-notes and a haff,
Th doc causd Joe to laff and laff:
"Yer right, its broke. Keep doin what you been doin."
