Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Back when I was in collidge, I red this inna book:
This specious argument, involving the assumption of 'exclusive particularity,' may be conveniently described as 'definition by initial predication.' It consists in regarding some early, familiar, or otherwise accidental characterization of a thing as definitive.Back when I was a kid, I seen this on th Little Rascals:
Two Littl Girls: (*singin inta a mikrafone*) "Jim-my had a nic-kel. He did-nt have it long. He did-nt have it long, cause th kids foun out that Jimmyhaddanic-KEL! Jimmyhaddanic-KEL! Jimmyhaddanic-KEL! Jimmyhaddanic-KEL! ..."
Spanky: (*wit cntempt, turnin t Scotty*) Say, whos this guy Jimmy?
Scotty: (*palms turnd upwerd, fer xplanatory emfasis*) Hes th fella wit th nickel.
Yeah, fokes ... Im kinda wondrin why I ebm bothrd goin t collidge.
Monday, June 19, 2006
A wile ago, I was a-surfin th net lookin fer some stuff on one o my hee-roes -- th late, GRATE Benny Hill. Were it not fer my edjumacation at th teevee nee of Bawdy Benny, Im sure Id be thinkin thougts much cleanr than th ones Im usualy thinkin.
Anyhowski, I come across this site, wich cntaind th followin wondrus little tidbit:
Now for the dirt. ... He would use parts on his show for sexual bribes. He was a cruel misogynist who hated being upstaged. He had a fixation with his mother, that carried on to his sexual life. But even more interesting, it's common thought that he died a virgin. How about that? Someone did a handwriting analysis on him, and the test supposedly confirmed it.Kay ... QUIZ TIME, fokes!
You can always tell a virgins writin by (sleckt one):
[ ] th prpetually shaky hand
[ ] th way th pens always tearin a littl hole inda papr
[ ] th way th pen blows its load o ink on th very first lettr
Saturday, June 17, 2006
I herd a cmmercial on th radio here advertisin some local weekend shindig where theys offerin sompm calld chair massages. My question is: Does th chair get th massage or give it; or is it jus th thing ya sit in wilst somn else gives it to ya?
Evr diligent, this investigative rporter is off t see if he can get his ass squeezd -- or at least his shins diggd -- bfore Monday mornin rolls round.
Dont wait upski.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
If ya Google th name 'Joey Polanski', eventualy youll get to th Wikipedia artickle on statutory rape.
Thats enuff t make me wanna change my name t sompm diffrent ... sompm that souns real innocent-like.
Im thinkin maybe sompm like 'Roman Buttafuoco'. Whaddya think?
Friday, June 09, 2006
A few days ago, a lady frenda mine tol me that she was havin problems wit her innrnet browsr. Since I dont no much bout that stuff, I wunt much help t her.
Jus yestrday tho, she tol me she think she figgerd out what th problem was. Ccordin t her, one o her teenage sons been usin her cmputer t look at some porn sites, an some o them porn sites musta implantd some kinda cookie or sompm on her computr; an whenevr she tryd t visit one o th famly sites she likes t visit, that sites servr musta somhow dtectd that porn cookie an then dnyd her acsess to th site.
HEY! Whater you fokes laffin at? Yeah, I dont no if things werk that way or not. But this is a dangd serios mattr, fya ask me.
See, Joey Polanski been nown t visit a famly site or two, an Id be realy bummd if because o that, my favrit porn sites stoppd lettin me in.
Monday, June 05, 2006
So Im walkin t werk this mornin an Im runnin a littl late. When Im about a block an a haff from my apartment I looks up about a block aheada me an I sees these two guys stannin on th sidewalk talkin t each othr. When they sees me, they splits up inta, like, a advance gard an a rear gard.
When I walk up t Advance Gard, guy says t me, "Y got a quartr I can have?" "No," says I plitely, but witout breakin stride. Dat was da trufe too, I mite add. Rite bfore I lef th apartment I put alla my change on th dressr, cause my plan was t do lawndry aftr I come home from werk. An I was runnin late, sos I coont very well stop an lissn t th guys hardluck story now, coud I?
So anyhowski, I walk rite past Advance Gard an inta th zone o Rear Gard, an he adops this real indignant tone an says t me, "HEY! DONT ignore my FREND!"
Now my firs instinck, ocourse, was t poin out t this guy that I DINT ignore his frend. His frend ast me if I had a quartr for him an I tol him I dint. I was also temptd t tell him how I was runnin kinda late an that I had t be t werk early tday, cause theres sompm REAL importnt I hadta do bfore I coud evn get down t werkin. I couda tol him alla this, dspite havin neithr th crayons nor th hanpuppits thatd normly be needed t esplain evn a bloney samwich to a haffatard like this guy was.
But any impulse to esplain things t th Rear Gard quickly evaperatd when I heard th righteous indignation in th guys voice. He was cnvincd that Id ignord his frend an he was gonna make sure I was well rebukd fer that. But he was rong. How coud I tell him that? Fer me t tell him that, then hed be th one rebuked, th one havin t pologize.
An I gess deep down inside I felt a kinda kinship wit dis fello. I coud sense that he, like me, coud nevr bear to see such a quality dsplay o righteous indignation so cmpletely wastd like that. An so I did th only thing I coud thinka, t try an keep th cosmick scales o righteousness from fallin inta serios imbalance.
Yep. I ignord th fuckr.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Im plannin t give my aparment a good cleanin this weekend.
I no how much garbidge I gots t get ridda. Now Im tryin t dcide how many an what kind o garbidge bags I shoud get at th store.
I hope I aint invitin alla th quandrys an quagmires inspird by this ol post, but does anyone no howta convert eithr tonnage or pileage inta gallonage?